The Past is not Past

I'm a sucker for a great line. In the movie "Magnolia," one of the key characters said, "We may be done with the past, but the past may not be done with us." True, true, true, but maybe not the way that you might think.

I cannot count how many times that my past has sprung up on me, like an attacker climbing out the the bushes. It's like being chased my a stalker or serial killer. And as we turn to face our attacked AKA our "Past" (which can sometimes seem like it has a life of its own), we have to figure out how we are going to respond. "Fear and anger" or "Fortitude and courage."

Though our past can and does have a life of it's own, we can choose not to be dominated by it. I sometimes say I have a Jewish mother. She never lets go of the past. When I was 16, I stole 40 dollars from her to buy drugs. To this day, she still can bring it up almost random and out of the blue. Though I've been in recovery for over 20 years and made amends (defined as changes in behavior) she can do this because her past is not past. My general response when this happens is, "yes I do have my regrets about certain things from my past, but mom I chose not to live in them. I have to live forward, not backwards." That's when she usually says, ""you sure know how to disarm somebody." And I say, "yep, didn't know that it would be my own mother that I would have to remove the baseball bat from. It would be okay if we could let people live down their past, but I guess it's not destined to happen, if there is no *forgiveness* from others."

The other type of "Past" is a lot more slippery to deal with. It's the version Seigan told me years ago. "We are the condensed version of our entire life. Some people want to go back and figure out their past, which I think it quite funny, because that which they think it in their past is here with them now." And his is where the true, true, true in a different way comes in. A situation presents itself and how am I reacting to it? Am I reacting to it based on past experiences (as I make comparisons in my mind), or am I dealing with it as a fresh interaction that has no history.

I'm not sure if it's really possible to divorce ourselves from past experiences, but it is very possible for me to ask a singular question. Am I reacting to my past or my present? Doing this can be helpful. Ram Dass wrote a book called, "Be Here Now." Sometimes I remember that book and take its title to mean, "Live in this moment as if no other moment ever existed. Do not color this moment with reflections of the past. Let this moment be its own unique being and let it live as such." There can be some interesting outcomes from making an effort to do this. Those things we have to find out for ourselves.

If the past is not the past then that also means that the present cannot be the present. We can decide whether or not to re-experience echos of our past or embrace this present moment like a blank chalk board. What will you draw or write upon this moment?

Namaste'

Jaye Morris, Curator
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