Roughed up by others

It can be a sad fact that some people are more comfortable hurt people, rather than helping them. On one hand when we are in certain peoples presence they are nice as warm apple-pie with a tall glass of milk on a cold day. On the other side of the coin, when we are outside the zone of their presence they talk bad about us and sling rocks at our integrity and character and try to run us down, in some way shape or form, in the driveway of life. Sometimes I kinda look over my shoulder and say, "what the hell is that about?"

I might suppose that what it's about is that some people live in a space which in Zen is called, "greed, anger and delusion." Their internal "global positioning system" is broken and they do not understand that their GPS need fixing. The data is confused in their mind, so they tear people down, lie, manipulate and all sorts of unpleasant behavior.

Yesterday it came up in a couple ways, but I'll share one example. I was out of the office and in another city for the day. When I got back yesterday and was catching up with some people I was told, "_________ said they where having a great day. When I asked why they said, because you weren't here. He's too nice to people and when they are having problems, he listens to all their crap and what's going on, when he should probably tell them to cut the shit, get over it and focus on work." I laughed and said, well I guess the website, eviljerk.com is still up and running. they then asked "what do you really think? It's got to hurt, cause you are the kind of guy who tries to do the "right-thing" and allow people to feel like people, rather than a number."

I replied, "I'm powerless over what people say, do and feel. That's not philosophy, that's fact. ___________ doesn't just dislike me, she finds fault with everyone. And despite her behavior, if she needs my assistance and support I continue to help, because that is what my Zen practice is to me. Learning how to actualize compassion in the difficult moments, not just the easy ones. I do use assertive confrontation and let her know that I'm aware of the statements or behavior. I do this not to make things worse or shoot back, but to simply say, "I'm not okay, your not okay and that's okay" like Shugen Sensei said.

People like this may never change, I can't always help that. But then again I might influence things, by being a "True man without rank," as Eido Roshi used to say. I get to decide if I respond in anger or compassion, no one else. Do I become a slave to anger, frustration and sadness or the master? I am aware that as a sentient being, there is a certain amount of responsibility that we have towards each other. It's not to say that we are better or worse than others, but more likely just in a different place on the map of life. The challenge in my life is myself, not you.

May All Being Be Happy and Free,

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO