That Voice Again

The other day, Deb talked with me about a decision that she needed to make. As she asked me what I thought, showing me pros and cons to the particular decision, I noticed that there was certain things that the paper couldn't measure. I asked her, what do you feel on the inside? What is your inner voice telling you?

Experience has taught me that, what others think and say matters. But maybe what is more important is our own inner voice. It's often described as "small" and "muffled." The truth is that it's not. As a matter of fact it's usually very loud and clear, but we can sometimes avoid it by throwing a blanket over it or intentionally ignoring the message all-together, usually to our own detriment.

She looked back at me and said, "my gut is telling me to handle it this way," and went on to describe what she meant. After listening, I said, you should do that. "But are you happy with my decision," she asked. You have to be true to yourself and I trust your instincts, I responded. At the time, I was actually thinking about Yoda in Starwars telling Luke Skywalker, "the future is indeed difficult to see, even with the power of the force." In truth, I can't begin to count the number of times I've made a decision and it didn't turn out the way I thought it would. We are just seeking to do our very best in *this* single moment and no other. That's what counts.

After she left, I was struck by how Deb knew what her inner voice was telling her, but was willing to possibly overlook it if I had a different opinion. Some call that sacrifice. That is an interesting thing that human beings are willing to do for each other. Usually when we ignore our inner voice, it's usually to our own detriment.

Eido Roshi used to say, "give yourself to the Dharma and the Dharma will give itself to you." Maybe that inner voice is our connection to Dharma and to have the ability to not only listen to it but follow it as well is valuable to a healthy relationship with our truest sense of self.

Maybe Peter Gabriel captures the idea best when he wrote:

"I want to be with you
I want to be clear
But each time I try
Its the voice I hear
I hear that voice again

Im listening to the conversation
Judge and jury in my head
Its colouring everything
All we did and said
And still I head that sharp tongue talking
Talking tangled words
I can sense the danger
Just listen to the wind

Im hearing right and wrong so clearly
There must be more than this
Its only in uncertainty
That were naked and alive
I hear it through the rattle of a streetcar
Hear it through the things you said
I can get so scared
Listen to the wind

What I carry in my heart
Brings us so close or so far apart
Only love can make love

I want you close I want you near
I cant help but listen
But I dont want to hear
I hear that voice again"

Namaste'

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO