Unifying My Own Heart

Tracking back to yesterday, I realized that in order to "feel better," I needed to do two things. One is remember, Atta Dipa. That I need to be my own light. While others can influence me, they cannot control me. I am ultimately responsible for my own feelings. Two was that I need o get traction with my mind. While I was feel vexed, I had the sensation of sliding down a hill. When we're in a sliding it's useful to look for something to hold on to and either stop the slide or steady us, so that we can regain our internal balance. I came across something by Bhante Henepola Gunaratana wrote in "Eight Mindful Steps to happiness."

"Though we all have the seed of loving-friendliness within us, we must make the effort to cultivate it. When we are rigid, uptight, tense, anxious, full of worries and fears, our natural capacity for loving-friendliness cannot flourish. To nurture the seed of loving-friendliness, we must learn to relax. In a peaceful state of mind, such as we get from mindfulness meditation, we can forget our past differences with others and forgive their faults, weaknesses, and offenses. Then loving-friendliness naturally grows within us.

As in the case with generosity, loving-friendliness begins with a thought. Typically, our minds are full of views, opinions, beliefs, ideas. We have been conditioned by our culture, traditions, education, associations and experiences. From these mental conditions we have developed prejudices and judgements. These rigid ideas stifle our natural loving-friendliness Yet, within this tangle of confused thinking, the idea of our friendly interconnection with others does come up occasionally. We catch a glimpse of it as we might glimpse a tree during a flash of lightning. As we learn to relax and let go of negativity, we begin to recognize our biases and not let them dominate our minds. Then the thought of loving-friendliness begins to shine, showing its true strength and beauty." Bhante G.

I was enabled (through these words) to get a handhold and change my mind by deciding what I was willing to *pay* attention to. It was kind of like a baby that grabs a table so that it can steady itself and walk. And then my thinking turned into action and I by going back to my friends and talked with them about what was going on, I was reminded of a couple of things.

1. Relationships and friendships are not emotional ballet.
   
2. As Shugen Sensei from ZMM said, "I'm not okay, your not okay and that's okay.
   
3. If I live in a stay of clouded emotion, it colors everything differently and I might not make decisions the way I normally would.
   
4. As we think, so we become.
   
5. Mu.
   

Namaste'

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO