Going Positive

Last week, I encountered a friend who has been struggling with an issue. As a matter of fact, they've been struggling with it for a long time, perhaps in range of nine to ten years. As they talked a contradiction presented itself. They kept saying, "I really need to change, I want to change." The contradiction was not taking the actual steps to move forward into change.

I listened carefully and what I heard seemed like a lot of negatives. The person was verbally beating up on themselves, frequently devaluing who they are. I pointed that out to them and they said, "I know." I then asked, "how do you profit, by constantly chipping away at yourself? It would seem that you are removing hope for yourself as opposed to leaning into it." Their response was, "I don't know how to stop." And so we sometimes can make things more complicated than they really are. Sometimes we unknowingly associate "change" with "pain," which can generate some not so helpful outcomes for ourselves.

When it comes to making a change, there are two ways that we can look at it. One is "what we need to change from." Two is "what we can change and grow into." Though it seems like there's no difference, to our brain there really is.

To our brain, looking at it the first way is based on attempting to change out of fear. While change based on fear can and does work, it's only for a limited period of time. Why? Fear actually can kind of wear-off or the person eventually becomes desensitized to that which they fear.

The second form of change is based on "hope." There is the idea or glimpse that our life can have meaning and be fulfilling, but for that to happen, I may have to "evolve and grow." It may happen slow or fast, but if we stick to it, the growth will come, usually as the matter of a process, rather than an event. The second way represents a lifestyle and maintain a certain attitude in our mind.

One example of this is that though we may get blown off course, with so-called "Right-effort," we will reach our destination. Another example is that "the past does not equal the future." We do not have to be slaves to failure. We can move beyond our self-imposed limitations.

Namaste'

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO