A Home Going

The best expression on life and death that I can recall ever hearing was from Roshi Philip Kapleau, in his book, "Zen - Merging East and West." The short version is to think of yourself as a wave on the ocean. For a time that wave is in many ways, separate, distinct, has it's own sense of character and lifespan as a wave. And once the wave has exhausted itself, it throw off the illusion that it was ever *really* separate from the ocean on which it rode and full and clearly merges and is seen as one." It is the beginningless, beginning. The endless end.

Before I had first gone to Dai Bosatsu Zendo, Junpo said something that I thought was kind of odd. He said, "Come home soon." At that time I could not fully appreciate the depth of his encouragement. But now, I can see a just a little further down the road and so it means something a little different.

So today is the formal recognition of Aunt Polly's Home Going. The funeral is today at 11:00AM, here in Pittsburgh. We will honor her life, her memory and not just who she was, but who she IS and how that continues on.

Though, I may not have talked about it directly over the last couple days, the grief in my family is very strong, very real and very present. There have been times when I have been alone that the tears just come from no-where. I have a thousand different feelings and sometimes when we are authentic, there is no "emotional ballet" left. This moment has been especially hard on my Mother. Last night she apologized for crying and I told her, "how does the right action ever need an apology?" This is another moment when the masks have to go. No falsehood, no illusion, no holding back. If we Love Aunt Polly, now is the time and moment that come out. It's alright.

In closing, I want to thank the many people who have not only sent my family and I private emails but Twitters to "jayezero," as well. They have really been very kind and supportive and I'm appreciative of that.

"Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you." ~Coldplay



Namaste'

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO