Sometimes I Miss

For about the last three weeks, I've been getting hammered pretty hard at work. A person left for another job and they asked that I help cover her position, as well as maintain my normal responsibilities. On top of that a person in another department has been out for multiple days and I'm the only person who knows how to do that particular job, so I've had to absorb that too. I can get most things done, it just takes longer.

The result has been feeling very tired, worn down and a little irritated. When things get like this for me, I also have a tendency to pull back and isolate. I almost feel like it's in an effort to "conserve" power so that I can keep it together. Despite this another unintended consequence is how I treat others.

My oldest daughter is very intuitive. She can tell how people feel, just by being in a room and see tends to react to that. Normally being her normal self, she's kind of in her own orbit. But last night she broke her pattern (having left what I call the "bad-pad") and came into the living room and laid down on the couch with a book of poetry that she was carrying. I think it was "The Year of Secret Assignments," by Jaclyn Moriarty.

As I was half on my laptop and half with the Keith Olbermann and the Scott McClellen interview, she was commenting and talking a lot. To tell you the truth, I can only remember 50% of what she was saying. I just wanted to distance myself, but she wanted to lend me her energy. She was reaching out and I wasn't working very hard to reach back. After about a half-hour, she realized that I wasn't budging and headed back to her room, but not before giving me a kiss on the cheek and telling me that she loved me.

About thirty-seconds after she left, I felt really bad. "I missed." I allowed my feelings of being overwhelmed and tired to be the excuse for not being emotionally available to my family. It's at that instant that I had a choice. I could either A) Stick with my position and probably compound my negative feelings and continue to isolate or B) Get in the game and connect with my family. I went with "B."

I closed the lap-top, turned off the TV (I admit - I TIVO'd it for later watching) and spent a little time with Deb and the kids. Though I did apologize to the daughter for my behavior, the best way of saying we are sorry is to change our behavior.

I want to specifically say, in sharing this story with you, the point is not "trying to be the perfect person." The point is that when we recognize that we so-call "Miss" that we can change any time that we like. All we have to do is move the ego and doubt aside. That fits very well with principles of integrity, trust and compassion.

In moving in the other direction, I almost immediately felt lighter. I wasn't brooding in deep thought. I was being with the moment, playing, talking, laughing and enjoying it. I wasn't spiritually asleep, I was being awake and that is the point of Zen. It's not about being on the top of some tall mountain, alone, cold and so-called serene. What Zen is about is having the ability to enter your life with helping hands, no more and no less.

May Your Life Go Well,

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Do not hurt them

"Our primary purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them."

H.H. Dalai Lama

I can appreciate that

Being in relationships with people, it's very easy to get distracted and forget why we started associating with a person in the first place. It's usually at that point that we (might) start taking them for granted and lose an appreciate for who they and we are. Once we are taking them for granting, there is a "side-effect" which is placing gaps and fissures in the relationship.

I have a personal policy of recalling or noticing something about people in my life. This helps to keep up my appreciation level for them and keeps me in sync with them. Some examples at home is the fact that my wife "has my back." When I want to do something, she's not sitting there throwing out arguments about why we should do it, she's helping work out methods that we can bring my dreams (delusions-lol) to fruition. My oldest daughter was having some trouble in math but has been putting her head to the challenge and is doing well. I really admire her drive. When I was a kid, I was jello, when it came to that stuff. My youngest daughter will sometimes pull me to my knee, give me a hug and say, "I love you daddy."

At work I appreciate several people, mostly because they are so skilled at deescalating patients thing seems to being going right. I appreciate that the doctors are down-to-earth and get a long well with the staff and patients. I appreciate that my CEO loves to talk about the latest audio-book that he has read and it's usually something in the vein of Stephen King and NOT "How to be a better manager."

Those moments mean something and help me maintain contact and keep me grounded with others. I find it is the ability to find a point of appreciation with others that helps me to stay on a reasonably even keel with them. Try it out and see what happens. You just might start treating them and yourself differently.

Happiness,

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Buddha Helps Buddha

If Everyone and Everything is Buddha, why does it sometimes feel like we are getting electrocuted by another person. We get cut off in traffic. Someone cuts in front of us in line, at the store. Someone at work say's they are going to do something that is their responsibility and they allow it to fall through, right on to us. It seems pretty unfair. It sometimes feels so unfair that I can end up feeling, sad and disappointed, at myself and others. But after that, then what comes next it up to me. Am I going to be a part of the problem or the solution.

When things don't go so well with others, instead of getting so-called "revenge," I remind myself of something Hukuin Zenji said. "Sentient beings are primarily all Buddhas. It is like ice and water, Apart from water no ice can exist; Outside sentient beings, where do we find the Buddhas?"

Other people may not notice or understand that all beings are Buddha, but if we along do, that is enough. It only takes one of us to remember that this lifetime is about Buddha helping Buddha. What other purpose could we have? We have the capacity, the capacity, let me repeat the capacity to support and lift each other, up from the floor. Despite having the capacity, will we actually do that? Are we awake enough, to actualize This?

Namaste'

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Memorial Day

On this Memorial Day, I have a hope and a dream that someday we as a global community will go beyond the need and use for war, as a method for addressing our differences. I have a dream that humans can and will act in dignity, have a respect human rights, are compassionate, hopeful and trustworthy not just with our individual lives, but those of others.

Namaste'

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

This is Your Time

I sometimes like to take a moment and remember everything that had to go so-called "Right" for us to be here. And I'm not just talking about our own life time, but that of others as well. We forget how difficult it is to survive such a long history.

Our ancestors had to survive things like war, possibilities of starvation, disease, accidents, natural disasters like floods - hurricanes - tornado's, perhaps physical, psychological or emotional abuse. On top of this our family members had to make the "Right" connections with the "Right" people on the "Right" day and a the "Right" time. These mysterious connections have given us our looks, eye color, influence our personality and so much more. We are not some fluke or mistake. This is Dharma arrangement. And now we are here! That's amazing. That's a gift.

This life is to be deeply appreciated. We have a choice about how we can use this precious gift that we have been given. We can play it safe and maybe have a mediocre time or we can go the other way and push ourselves to enjoy this opportunity and sample as much as possible. This life time only happens once. This is not a test for when you get your "real-life." This is It. There are no do-overs. What are we waiting for? This is your time!

May Your Life Go Well,

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Peanut Butter and Jelly

Tuesday (I've been sick since then so I'm not entirely responsible for what I say or do) I was cornered by someone who found out that I practiced Zen. They saw me and started peppering me with the standard questions. "What is enlightenment (and can I get it by Thursday or Friday)? How do you meditate? Do you think the Buddha was a real person?" After about three minutes of this, I said "Peanut butter and jelly!" He stopped talking and just looked at me, as though I'm crazy.

In that momentary silence I told him, "If you're really interested in Zen, the real questions is why meditate, why is in what we call Zazen (sitting in unification). The answer is to harmonize the Mind, since our mind does not naturally do so." In this I was reflecting back on a teisho my Genjo Marinello called Positive Samadhi.

I continued on, "You see, a dog goes woof-woof. It never thinks about going woof-woof, it is just naturally harmonized with the barking. My teacher says water and pail, bird and sky naturally harmonize. I say peanut butter and jelly naturally go together. But it is a human being that can have such a difficulty acting in love and compassion consistently. Our mind and ego get in the way and don't seem to naturally harmonize with things. But this is not so for dogs, birds, water and pail, peanut butter and jelly. And so we sit in meditation, the great connector and tool we use to harmonize with. But connect and harmonize to what? Some people call it God, I call it Mu, some call it This life, and other people call it the Dharma. That's all."

As I was walking away, he said, "wanna get a cup of coffee, they harmonize don't they?" I said, "yes they do, but right now I'm hungry for peanut butter and jelly."

Namaste'

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

East to West

The Buddha Dharma and Sangha are all empty.
What is there to treasure?

There is nothing to attain.
What can be transmitted?

Digesting entanglements,
Body and Mind are set free.

Nothing to do but listen to the thunder,
And follow the wind.

Verse by Genjo Marinello

Today marks a special day in America, as Eido Shimano Roshi will be giving Dharma Tranmission - Shiho Shiki to Genjo Marinello Osho, this very day. It is a Dharma lineage that travels back over two thousand years, through many notable lives such as Soen Nakagawa Zenji, Gempo Giyu Zenji, Torei Enji Zenji, Hakuin Ekaku Zenji, Rinzai Zenji, Bodhi Dharma Zenji and Shakyamuni Buddha.

While ALL beings have the Buddha Nature, there are so many of us that have slept through the alarm clock (I included). But on this day, it is the recognition that someone not only heard the buzzing bell to wake-up, but he has gotten up and is now, now, now awakened and living Life as a True Person Without Rank.

In this process, there is the genuine hope that we can and will at some point hear, taste, touch and feel the ceaseless Buddha Dharma through past, present and future time. But to do this we MUST exert and exhaust ourselves.

This is a good day to celebrate. Congratulations and thank you very much to Genjo Osho and all who have come before us. Your efforts in some way, shape and form, help us all.

May All Being Be Happy and Free,

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Are We Ever Reborn?

"Are we ever "re-born?" Let's say our inner
light or "soul" is like a flame atop a
candle. In this metaphor, the candle is our
body with a limited lifetime. Just before
the candle goes out imagine transferring
the flame to a new candle, i.e. body. Is it
the same flame or a new one? Is a flame
ever the same flame? Or is the word
"flame" or "soul" just a name for something
that is always new and changing and
never possessing a unique fixed existence.
To know our timeless nature we just sit
and open our minds to what is."

Genjo Marinello, Osho
Excerpt | Plum Mountain News

Exhaust This Life!

"Don't waste your life. Don't put it in a freezer. Don't protect it. Exhaust This life completely. At the same time do not foolishly waste it."


Genjo Marinello, Osho
Excerpt from the Teisho | Beautiful Snowflakes

To have a friend

I was talking with someone yesterday who was "struggling" with some relationships with quite a few people in his life. He went through a lot of examples, how they've played out and how he feels "so betrayed and disappointed. It seems so unfair." He even appeared tearful.

Eventually he asked me, "what do you think?" I instantly told him, "To have a friend we have to know how to be a friend. And the first person that we have to befriend is ourselves." He looked at me and said, "but what about how they are treating me?" And I responded, "what about how we tend to treat ourselves?" He then asked me to "explain."

When we are dealing in relationships with other people, we tend to look at what they are doing and saying very closely. Because of this, they can end up having a lot of power, if for no other reason that we are distracted from looking at ourselves clearly. When things start to go so-called "wrong" we can blame others for how we feel, rather than take responsibility for our own feelings. It's always easier to confess others sins, rather than look at how we create gaps and separations with people in our life.

I went on to explain that, "While people have the ability to influence our feelings, they don't actually control how I feel." If we recognize that fact, there is one piece of the puzzle to learning how to be our own friend. Other things which are very important are personal integrity, honesty, openmindedness, compassion, empathy and having a genuine sense of positive self-esteem. The reason why these principles are so important is that they help to keep us "balanced" and "afloat." Without internalizing these principles our emotional and psychological boat will sink, like a rock.

The last thing I told him was this. "I encourage you to stop gossiping about people. That ruins a lot of friendships. Why? Because when we are gossiping about people, we are never concentrating on their positives, we're looking at the negatives. We are confessing their sins."

I myself prefer to catch people doing things "right," as opposed to doing things wrong. It makes things a lot easier on me and other. I pointed out to him that by coming to me and talking about his negative feelings was actually a good thing, because he was not "bottling-up" his feelings. That's actually a sign of being healthy. When he noticed that I was "catching" him doing something right, he actually smiled and said, "I see what you mean."

It is true that "to have a friend, we need to BE a friend", not just to others, but ourselves as well.

Namaste'

Jaye Morris, Curator
digtialZENDO

Notes of Practice

"When you are practicing meditation, it's important not to get involved in mental commentary, analysis, or internal gossip. Do not mistake the running commentary in your mind ("Now I'm breating in, now I'm breathing out") for mindfulness; what is important is pure presence.

Don't concentrate too much on the breath; give it 25 percent of your attention, with the other 75 percent quietly and spaciously relaxed. As you become more mindful of your breathing, you will find that you become more and more present, gather all your scattered aspects back into yourself and become whole."

Sogyal Rinpoche
Excerpt | Glimpse After Glimpse

Sticking to It!

When I think of Zazen (sitting in unification) practice, I have a kind of mental picture that it's like climbing Mount Everest. Though Mt. Everest is the tallest mountain in the world, it's not a straight up climb, the entire way. Vertical faces are only one part. The terrain contains many different elements including hills, valleys and the weather Itself.

Having read many stories about climbing Mt. Everest, there is always the inevitable good weather turning on a dime and becoming incredibly bad. In order to make the summit, You really have to stick to the process. And despite sticking to the process, there are times and conditions where the team making the climb will not reach the summit. It happens. The conditions and time are no so-called "right."

As we sit, sit, sit - I've easily learned that I am my own mountain and can be something of an "iron" wall. There are times when my "mind" is not my ally and it almost seems to conspire against me. I can sit down, wanting to concentrate, determined as "all get out" and willing to follow my practice, so that I reach the summit and then boom! All of the sudden, thoughts about the kids, Deb, work or making dinner appear. And what I initially thought of as "good" weather turned into a storm. At that moment I can be a bit bewildered and even disappointed in myself. "No even 5 feet towards the peak today. how miserable is my practice."

When these moments happen, it's *really* important not to give up on the climb. Zen and the use of Zazen is a "life and death" matter. Climbing ourselves is not going to be easy. It never was and never will be. It requires that we stick with it not only when it's easy, but in the difficult places to. If we "give up," we never reach the summit. That is deceptively powerful truth.

I sometimes tell myself in these difficult times, "though wind, rain and cloud may come, nowhere does the sun fail to shine in this great universe." And so then I march on and continue my climb. I refuse to give up. Some day, someday, someday, someday, someday, I will reach the peak, if I just "stick-to-it." Not just for myself but all sentient being. I don't know about you, but this is why I practice, breath after breath, sit after sit.

That so-called "team" that I mentioned before is sometimes called a "Sangha" (community of people that practice Zen together) in Buddhist practice. Having people with us as we climb our personal Mt. Everest can be amazing helpful. "It is only by the grace, kindness and mercy" of others that I am here. This is a fact and I know it well. If we have the opportunity to practice with others, we should use the opportunity, if for no other reason than it will making reaching the summit much more "doable."

In our practice, I encourage you and I to "Stick-to-it" and never, ever give up. We can "ride out" the conditions of our psychological and emotional terrain. We can for more than survive our mind's "weather." We can realize our Buddha nature. I have no doubt about this. Neither should you.

Gassho (In Gratitude),

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Impermanence after Impermanence

Lately our collective attention has been drawn to the tragedy's in various area's of the world. There is the devastation from the cyclone in Myramar (Burma). There was the earthquake in China. There have been the tornados that have swept Missouri, Oklahoma and Georgia with amazing fury. And there are people like my father-in-law who are in the hospital, a place he didn't want or expect to be. Though my heart and thoughts go out to these people, especially my father-in-law, what is it that I am reminded of? Impermanence, Impermanence, Impermanence.

There is the gatha that says and has been quoted here before:

"Let me respectfully remind you,
Life and death are of supreme importance,
Time moves swiftly like an arrow,
and opportunity is lost,
Each of us should strive to awaken,
Awaken!
Take heed. Do not squander your life."

There is nothing that it truer than this. Given this truth, it is important to make everything count. By the way, I'm not saying be "sober, serious and sober" 100% of the time, but I am saying and suggesting that it's important to live our life like we *really* mean it and not just in a frivolous way (on a regular basis).

Someone said, "The powerful play moves on and you may contribute a verse. What will that verse be?" Given that this day won't ever, ever, ever happen again, is there something that we might contribute to the overall good of our family, friends, work or community? Is there something that we can do to make a difference? Gyo, gyo, gyo! Practice, practice, practice. If there is let's do it now and not put it off.

May All Beings Be Happy and Free,

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Family First

My Father In-Law is have heart surgery today, so I won't be posting until tomorrow. Wish him good feelings.

Namaste'

// Jaye Morris, Curator
// digitalZENDO

Becoming Buddha on the Web

by Robert A.F. Thurman



Namaste'

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Ordinary Mind is Tao

Last month Genjo Marinello Osho published a teisho entitled, "Ordinary Mind is Tao." As usual it's so solid that I've been sitting (Zazen) with it.

It begins with...

“Hundreds of flowers in spring,
The moon in autumn,
A cool breeze in summer,
And snow in winter,
If there is no self-deluded cloud in your Mind.
For you it is a good season.”

What I took from Genjo Osho teisho is the unflinching expression of harmonizing. It is the fact that our body effortlessly harmonizes our breathing, with not only our body but environment that allows us to live this life. It is the bird that has the capacity to harmonize with the air-stream and glide upon it like a fish swims thought the water, with no thought, fear or hesitation. It is this ability to so-called "harmonize" that gives all being to be "as it is."

Are we harmonizing with each other right here, in this now? Am I harmonizing with the people I love? What about those that I don't? Or is there some gap or barrier that divides our Mind? Genjo Osho expresses that only though our Zen practice can "This" be revealed and seen, touched and tasted clearly.

As a regular reminder, Genjo Osho's teisho's are distributed as a "podcast" and are free. It's an unbelievable price for something that is so valuable. They can be downloaded though iTunes. Just search under "Choboji" or Switchpod. Click the link and enjoy.

Namaste'

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Resolving differences

"Friends eventually forgive and eventually come back together because people need people more than they need pride."

Hugh Prather
Excerpt | Love and Courage

Constantly realize the self

"There is no dogmatic Zen, no Zen theory and no Zen philosophy. There is only the constant realization of Self. Keeping our feet on the ground, there is only constant revelation of THIS-as it is, at each moment. THIS is reality; THIS is no other than the manifestation, the cause of Mu. So we say:

Buddha nature pervades he whole universe
Revealing right here now....

Right here now, it is revealed as coughing, as a human being, as a drowsy state of mind. Right here now! There is nothing in this world which is not the Buddha."

Eido Shimano, Roshi
Excerpt | Golden Wind - Zen Talks

Amplification

Years ago, when I was living at Dai Bosatsu Zendo, there was a calligraphy that hung on a wall that said, "Speak only if you can improve upon the silence." I've been thinking about that a lot lately, both directly and indirectly.

One aspect of "Speak only if you can improve upon the silence," is considering what we give a voice to. A simple question is, do we *amplify* kindness, compassion, hope, trust, empathy or do I broadcast ignorance? This is one of those times and situations where we can make a real difference.

If we live in a way that broadcasts and then amplifies intolerance, indifference, anger, mistrust and other negative states and emotions, we only add to the static similar to seeing a TV screen that it off frequency. We end up hurting others and ourselves.

Through practice, we have a *real* opportunity to silence this swirling negativity. We seize the moment and turn it off. As our practice deepens we can then begin to broadcast and amplify more "consistent," healthier messages that not only improve our life, but all that we encounter, which then improves of life of those that they encounter (potentially).

Cause and effect are one, not two separate entities. Speak only if you can improve the silence. Not just with our words, but our actions too. We must learn to be very careful in what we amplify.

Gassho,

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Committed Decision

Tony Robbins once said, "Your life changes the moment you make a new, congruent, and committed decision." That's not a idea. It's the truth.

Wherever we are at in this very moment, if we don't like what's happening or some aspect of ourselves that comes in the for of some character defect we can change it. If we align our head (logic and organization), heart (concentration and determination and feet (our dedicated actions), impossible change becomes possible.

If we really want to change, there is nothing that can stop up. So if we have something that needs to be changed, that means we are procrastinating, as if we're waiting for something? What could that possibly be.

May Your Life Go Well,

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

When will you?

In our culture, we often find ourselves quite busy. Rush, rush, rush, distraction, distraction, distraction. We can consumed by these things. But then there are days we something happens that breaks the so-called "normal" pattern and reminds us of who we are and our purpose. Usually this involves some sort of tragedy, involving some big lesson in impermanence.

The truth is that we don't have to wait for the so-called, "other shoe to drop." We don't have to wait for that big dramatic moment to do something, in terms of coming to realization of our purpose. As we say in Zen, "Everyday mind is the Way." We have the opportunity, this Now, this breath that's inside the breath to come to an understanding and penetrating "This."

I was once told, "Zen is not some philosophy. It is a healthy Way to live." If you don't push yourself now, when will you? Are you waiting for some special moment in time (that may never actually come)?

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO.com