Aunt Polly

Yesterday, my Mother sent me an email. It simply read, "Aunt Polly died this AM," Mom. It was a short sentence that doesn't seem to adequately reflect her beauty and what she made of this life.

My Aunt, my Mothers sister is someone that I have gratitude towards. Until the age of twelve, she helped to raise my Brother and I. It was her way of supporting my Mom after the separation from my Father, given that she was getting her Masters Degree. Aunt Polly made some many things possible for us, and she never complained. Not even about the cancer which took her life. She was just consistently loving and hopeful.

I think the reason that my Mom let me know what happened the way she did is to attempt to blur something. It is the fact that my Mom is devastated and misses her Sister. She may even feel a little alone. After all, Aunt Polly was everything that the word Sister can embody. Friend, supporter, confidant, counselor, mentor, guide, partner-in-crime, family cheerleader and some much more.

In the past I've heard people say, "we're all replaceable." That may be true in some aspects but it's definitely bullshit in a hundred other ways. I cannot think of anyone who could take the place of Aunt Polly, in my heart or my Mind. There is no one that can or will fill her shoes and that's okay. Grief is grief, and like my Mother, I'm hurting too. I can tell by he tears.

Throughout her battle with cancer, she remained herself. She remained dignified. She remained Aunt Polly. Loving, cheerful and always looking for the best to come from within us. I will do my very best to answer her request, by how I live my life.

Life and Death are the Very Body of the Buddha,

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Defects of Character

Last night, I was hanging out with some friends. The discussion got on the subject of "character defects." It's those things that we do that throw a speed bump in front of us or force us to derail all together. My buddy Don had the line of the night when he said, "It's not old behavior, if your still doing it."

What Don was talking about is how sometimes people think, believe and talk about how they've moved past a defect of character, yet there are still following the same behavior. The reason or way we can trick themselves into thinking that we've changed without actually doing so is that we sometimes lack humility. My simple definition of humility is, "The ability to know oneself - both the negative and positive aspect."

As a person, I'm disappointed to report that there are times that I am overflowing with ideas and opinions. If you don't believe me, ask Deb or my oldest daughter. When I'm in that state, I'm "deaf, dumb and blind," because I am so engaged in those aforementioned "ideas" and "opinions." Since I can't see myself clearly, that means I cannot see my defects of character. This means, that if I'm doing something that is kind of lame, I cannot change. The end result is a failure to grow mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

The obvious question is "how do I see myself more clearly?" The answer my friend is "Feedback." I myself have a support system that call's me on my defects. The feedback brings things to my attention to things that I might not otherwise notice. Stephen R. Covey once said, "We see and judge the world as we are, not as it really is." This means that we have to have a support system. For feedback to actually work, the support system is key, otherwise we're more inclined to blow-off what people are sharing with us.

For me, my support system consists of my Wife, Zen teacher and a few well placed friends that I regard as "life advisers." BTW, "well placed" means that in the course of my travels, I'm sure to encounter them at least once a week. That's important if you really want to come to grips with character defects and change. When one comes up that say something like, "seems like your letting people live rent free in your head." That's it and nothing more. Remember, feedback is not an psychological tear down. feedback is just pointing something out. It's kind of like saying, "hey, look out for that pothole."

As we build humility, learning about ourselves, we can eventually stop doing the things that hurt ourselves and others. We just need to remember that it doesn't all happen in one day. It's a process and not an event.

Happiness,

Get Beyond Mediocre Effort

The basic truth is that mediocre efforts usually breed mediocre results. This so simple, but extremely difficult to grasp.

Gassho,

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Because it does matter

Willam James once said, "Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does." It reminds me of when I first read Siddhartha by Herman Hesse. There's a moment near the end of the book, where Buddha is crossing the river with the Ferryman and he says to himself, "Every life is fine," and that every life is of great value. It doesn't matter how large or small that we think that we are. Each one of us matters, but it's important not just to say it. It's important to live it.

Namaste'

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Randy Pausch Last Lecture | Oct. 23, 1960 - July 25, 2008

Buddhahood

I was checking out some websites this morning and came across, Rinzai Heartland. As I was reading around, what perked my mind up was seeing this quote from Huang Po.

"All the Buddhas and all sentient beings are nothing but the One Mind, beside which nothing exists. This Mind, which is without beginning, is unborn and indestructible. It is not green nor yellow, and has neither form nor appearance. It does not belong to the categories of things which exist or do not exist, nor can it be thought of in terms of new or old. It is neither long nor short, big nor small, for it transcends all limits, measure, names, traces and comparisons. It is that which you see before you - begin to reason about it and you at once fall into error. It is like the boundless void which cannot be fathomed or measured. The One Mind alone is the Buddha, and there is no distinction between the Buddha and sentient things, but that sentient beings are attached to forms and so seek externally for Buddhahood. By their very seeking they lose it, for that is using the Buddha to seek for the Buddha and using mind to grasp Mind. Even though they do their utmost for a full aeon, they will not be able to attain it. They do not know that, if they put a stop to conceptual thought and forget their anxiety, the Buddha will appear before them, for this Mind is the Buddha and the Buddha is all living beings. It is not the less for being manifested in ordinary beings, nor is it greater for being manifest in the Buddhas."

This is very beautiful. It is a reflection of the Truth, with not fog, cloud or delusion in between.

Gassho,

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Overlooking the Obvious

The other day, I was talking with someone that I had know recently tried to kill themselves. I was also aware that in the aftermath, they'd been back and forth on accepting help from others. During our conversation, I asked "how do you feel about yourself?" The person replied, "I generally think of myself as a happy person. I have a lot going for me." I then asked, "do you ever see yourself as a depressed person?" They instantly replied "No! of course not." The then rhetorically asked "so do you think that people who are happy with themselves and aren't depressed go out and try to kill themselves." The person looked a little for a moment and said, "I didn't think of it that way. What should I do?" I told them, "that's obvious. Be honest with yourself and others, by seeking and getting help." Their response was to follow through and do so.

Reflecting on the conversation, I keep thinking about how often we do not see what is directly in front of us. We have the unique ability to ignore the obvious. Sometimes we can be so wrapped up in ourselves, our problems, even other people that we are temporarily blinded. That is why relationships, friendships and communication are so important, to me. I need others help, not because I'm weak, bad or lame but because many times I don't see the world as it is. I usually see the world as I am.

By embracing the relationships that we with people in our day to day lives, we can learn so much. As a matter of fact, we can then see further down the road and gain insights that we would otherwise miss. I can't tell you how many times when others have pointed out "the obvious" to me that later I was saying, "how could I have missed that?" Sometimes I can find my error, but despite that I am appreciate of the people that help me to see more clearly and stop overlooking the obvious.

Namaste'

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

The Right Thing To Do

Yesterday, I had a co-worker go off the deep end on me, in the middle of the office. As she was attempting to berate me, what I was honestly thinking (or more hopefully being) was my practice that my teacher gave me. After she ended her tirade with, "You're a bleeding heart, liberal!" I responded, "Don't ask me to do something and then want me to do it wrong. That's not how I work, it was the right thing to do and I'm sorry you choose not to see that."

The reason why I bring up this instance is to make the point that sometimes people see Zen practice (or other spiritual avenues) as "fluff" or "philosophizing" or "impractical" or an overwhelming sign of "dementia." It's not. Zen if anything is the opposite. It removes the fluff, the philosophy, the impracticalities and the foolishness. If we apply ourselves to our practice, what ever it is, we can and will cut through all delusion. We just have to be present with our practice.

Before I left the monastery at DBZ, Eido Roshi said something to me that I've always held on to. He said, "If you cannot enter the village with helping hands, then Zen practice is no good, useless and you should abandon it forever." So if I cannot carry Zen (Unification) into each moment with me, something is terribly wrong. Zen is not to leave a place or moment, It's to enter it. That is what my practice is teaching me.

Gassho,

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Improving Our Moments

The last couple weeks, I've been on the road quite a bit. That being said, when I get busy, I can inadvertently let some things slide. During that time frame it was principally two things. One was time with my wife and kids. The other was formal Zazen practice.

Though some things are unavoidable, given that I grew up Catholic, I'm pretty good in experiencing guilt. Despite those feelings, that didn't actually stop me from having to take care of business, so I did. But now that most of the hub-bub is past, getting reconnected and plugged in is key.

As I mentioned yesterday, Deb and I went out to dinner and the movies, which was a really nice time. We spent a lot of time talking about different things. It was more than the routine stuff of, "How was your day? How was work? Did the kids behave?" Before we left the restaurant, the thought that flashed through my head was, "I'm glad that we still have things to talk about. I'm glad that I'm still learning new things about her."

As a sidebar, if I really want to see how far I have to go with my wife or kids, technically all I have to do is look at their playlist on their iPods and ask, how did they get turned on to that? I'm totally serious when I say that you can learn a lot from looking at someones top 25 played songs or their play list. It's a lean into their psychology.

Zen and the practice of Zazen, from my perspective is a relationship too. Their can be times when it's almost like we take it for granted, as nothing special and just sit down and being counting the breath, following the breath, or live with our koan. One of the only things that I've found that brings me to task when it comes to Zazen is remembering, "Death comes without warning. That corpse that I fear is with me now." Some might think it morbid, but for me it's is a reminder to not be petty and appreciate everything, even the things that are "not so good." Zen practice takes care of me and my life, but I must take care of it and respect it too.

As I mentioned yesterday about Stephen R. Covey's, "Living By Default or By Design" is a very important point. As I've been consciously pushing against some of my "default" positions, I've learned a few things about myself and others. I'm glad that I'm not done learning yet, even after 42 years of life.

In concluding today's post, I wanted to thank "Jenny" for her comments. She pointed to a nice forum by sponsored by Stephen R. Covey. There are no gimmicks that I saw there and it's free.

May Your Life Go Well,

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

By Default or By Design

In his book, "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People," Stephen R. Covey talks about to basic ways of living. One is "By Default" and the other is "By Design." These ways of living can and do have a large effect on how we experience our lives. These are some of my current thoughts that are subject to change, as I explore his notion.

For me living so-called default is when I hit a "rut." I go to work, solve a bunch of problems, drive home by the same roadways that I do everyday, come home work some more on computers and problems, play with the kids, talk to Deb about how her day went and then do it all over again. While there is a certain comfort and predictability in "the rut," the trade-off is that it dulls the sense and limits our ability to see "outside of the box."

Living "By Design," is about shaping our life and creating our experience like a work of art, taking nothing for granted. It's "active" whereas default can be thought of as "passive." It's like saying to oneself, "I'm no longer going to be the employee, I think it's okay to be the boss." If you trace the thought, it becomes clear that the life experience of the employee and the boss can at times be very different, because the goals are different.

Maybe a cleaner way of expressing what I'm thinking that that my wife switched up on me. She asked me if I wanted to do a "date night" on Saturday. I said sure. She took me to a restaurant that I normally do eat at, forcing me to order something other than my favorites "chili-dogs" or "Fajita's," and seeing a movie (Batman | The Dark Knight) that she would not normally watch. It broke the routine and we had a great time, partially because we decided (at least for that moment) not to live by default.

The challenge, going forward will be to explore how to conscioulsy live a little more by design rather than eating the same food everyday. If you explore the concept, let us know what you find, by posting back in the comments section. I will let you know how my experience goes.

Happiness,

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

And that has made all the difference...

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."
- Robert Frost

Tradition can be a very good thing. Traditions promote consistency and can reduce decision making time. But sometimes traveling a worn path can be a really unskillful thing to do. I've actually experienced and seen where despite all of my good intentions, I've committed to a situation or a path mostly because it's been "done before," and ended up in a really negative position.

Taking the path or road less traveled by can be a really good thing. It opens us up to difference perspectives, breaks the routine and can shake off the cobwebs. It can be like a window of opportunity to move forward mentally, emotionally or spiritually that otherwise might go undone. Enjoy your journey.

Happiness,

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

The Right To Be You

"We don't need to know or prove anything. Just to be, to take a risk and enjoy your life, is all that matters. Say no when you want to say no, and yes when you want to say yes. You have the right to be you."

Don Miguel Ruiz
Excerpt | The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom

No Validation Required

So much of my life, since I was a child has been about gaining validation from others. It certainly motivates a lot of behaviors. Did I do something that you liked that makes me of value to you? Did you like the _____________ I got you? What did you think of the ____________ that I did?

And why? Because in the human mind, we have this grand illusion that says, "if I'm not validated by others, then I may have no value to them and then they might reject or leave me." This psychology, if we make it the hub and axis on which our life spins turns us into nothing more than a dancing bear at a circus show. I'm not sure if that's how I want to spend the rest of life. Seeking endless validation and living in others approval systems can be almost like an addiction.

If people compliment us, I say "fine." If from time to time we check in with people to make sure that they are happy or satisfied, I say "fine." If our feeling, moods, self-esteem and outlook can be sunk by others if we don't get their validation or approval, I say "NOT fine."

Personally, I can't hit a "home run," with the people I encounter every day. My responsibility is to do the very best that I can do in my life. I have to make every effort (though I'm not perfect at it) not to just so-called "Phone stuff in." I can strive to be mentally, physically and spiritually engaged as possible in any task, but then after that it's okay to leave it. I don't have to jump up and down like a little puppy seeking attention. No validation is required. And when that happens we have gained an element of freedom.

Namaste'

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Light my Way

"The ideals which have lighted my way, and time after time have given me new courage to face life cheerfully, have been kindness, beauty, and truth."

Albert Einstein

Embrace the positive

I sometimes find it odd that we have no trouble 100% believing the negative emotional states that we experience. On the other side of the coin, if there are positive emotional states we can easily doubt that it is even real or going to last one more minute.

Put another way, we embrace and internalize negative emotional states too easily. Negative emotional come up and we make a nest for them. It's important to learn how to make a nest for our positive emotions, embrace and grow them. In doing so, it becomes easier to cut through our personal illusions and gain a sense of freedom with ourselves.

May Your Life Go Well,

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

The Best Season of Your Life

I read this wonderful poem this morning and it moved me. I thought it might be good to share it with you. I hope you enjoy it.

"Ten thousand flowers in spring,
   the moon in autumn,
a cool breeze in summer, snow
   in winter.
If your mind isn't clouded by
   unnecessary things,
this is the best season of your life."

Ummon Bun'en Zenji Dai Osho

Three Options - Pick One

"If you find your here and now intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options: 1) remove yourself from the situation, 2) change it, or 3) accept it totally. If you want to take responsibility for your life, you must choose one of those three options, and you must choose now. Then accept the consequences. No excuses. No negativity. No psychic pollution. Keep your inner space clear."

Eckhart Tolle
Excerpt | The Power of Now

Nansen Cuts the Cat

Genjo Osho delivers a deeply intimate teisho (trans. place where the truth is), on "Nansen Cuts he Cat," Case 63 from the Blue Cliff Record. As ever he boldly merges traditional Zen history and contemporary points of reference, providing a gripping and striking narrative.

Genjo Osho begins by reminding "This matter of life and death is quite serious." He continue forward with the most fundamental questions. "What is life? What is before life? What is after life? What is This all about? What is the meaning? What is real? Who am I? These questions are fairly synonymous with what we call in Zen This matter."

One thing that I carried away from Genjo Osho's teisho was to release any part or element of myself that is apathetic. To let it go completely by being attentive and ready to engage each moment fully. It reminds me of how many times that my body has been present but my Mind was not. When that happens I'm usually missing something.

Another interesting point, yet terribly obvious is the fact that life is so very fragile and precious. It seems that it's easy to lose track of that and take it for granted. And in the moments that we so-called "lose track" we can miss our sense of connection and need for commitment to each other.

There are many other facets to his presentation that are deeply illuminating and beautiful. You can hear for yourself by either click this link to download it or going to Genjo Osho's page at Switchpod Switchpod. Enjoy.

Gassho,

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Facing Ourselves

I think it's true to say that the most difficult challenge that most of us face is the one where we come to face the truth of ourselves. That's why at certain moments in my life, I've hidden myelf from zazen (meditation). Why? Nothing more than fear. Seeing and re-experiencing things that I may not have so-called "liked."

A great example that even after forty-two years that I recall is when I was playing cards with my grand-mother when I was 7 or 8 years old. I really wanted to win the game and I cheated. I wanted a so-called victory so badly that I was willing to break the rules. Instead the person that I admired greatly caught me. At that moment, I was very ashamed of myself. Embarrassed is not even a word that might cover my true feelings. That was a moment wherein my grandmother lost a little respect for me, even though I was a child.

Sitting in Zazen, sometimes this stuff bubbles to the surface. And what do we do then? Do we face these things? Do we run from them? Do we focus on our practice and ignore what has been living behind various corners in our mind? What are we to do?

When confronted with such things in my Zen practice, I ask "who is it that confronts me, here and now? Is it a ghost or something else? Did I receive the lesson that the memories wanted me to learn, so that I could grow forward?

In sitting on the Zafu, still as a tiger hunting its prey, we cut through the delusion. The answer for me in the example above was after getting off the Zafu one day an inner voice said, "Children make mistakes. The key is learning from missteps and making a new path for ourselves." At that moment, one more burden was laid-down and I was able to let-go of something that was no longer of use to me.

Zazen is a door which can be traveled through, rather that a barrier keeping us from something. This is something that I've seen overlooked. We really can come to the so-called "truth of ourselves," and as Eido Roshi once said, "Unify our Heart."

Gassho,

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Our Choice

We have the unique opportunity to make conscious decisions and choices about how we will treat ourselves, as well as others. This is a very important and basic principle of our life. These choices that we make determine the type of person that are at any given moment in time and creates something of a reputation, over the long run.

This brings an interesting question. "How would I like to be remembered?" It is the choices and decisions that we make here and now that determine the nature of our impact on not only our life but that of others which we may or may-not know. As we encounter each moment and each circumstance we have a choice.

Namaste,

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

The Pressure

Rich or poor, White, Black, Hispanic, Asian or Middle Eastern we all grapple with pressure in one form or another. The principle of pressure makes no distinction. Pressure comes from many sources. It can come from the self, work, relationships, our culture, value and belief systems, spiritual and religious beliefs, circumstance and countless locations within those broad categories. It's the pressure of these things that can propel us like sail-boats across a vast ocean.

The question is what do we allow ourselves to be propelled towards? Is it crisis and chaos or hope and unification? I think about this on a regular basis. I will sometimes ask myself, "Is the pressure of the situation influencing me so strongly that I am no longer responding as my hopeful and true self or am I responding as a person feeling victimized?"

If I'm responding in what I feel is "helpful" or in a "healthy" way, I attempt to build on it, by maintaining and sustaining my practice. If I am "frustrated, depressed, angry" or go into what I call "procrastination mode," I do whatever it takes to get back to my center. And I do mean whatever it takes. Why? Because when I feel beat-up and bruised by the pressure, I'm miserable. It's as simple as that. I really don't believe that's supposed to be the permanent state we are to live in.

Having the ability to see and understand how various pressures is influencing and moving us at any given moment is invaluable. But awareness is only the beginning. We have to develop and define useful ways of moving through the pressure. We have to have a strong internal atmosphere inside of us to offset what appears to be coming from the outside. Taking massive action in our life is deeply important.

May Your Life Go Well,

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Do not just go away

"Problems do not go away. They must be worked through or else they remain, forever a barrier to the growth and development of the spirit."

M. Scott Peck
Excerpt | The Road Less Traveled