Don't Argue for Your Suffering

Yesterday, I was in a situation where I was asked to help a person in crisis. Talking with the person, it was obvious that he was suffering. He talked about how he wanted to "give up," on recovery. He talked about how he had failed "many times," before and how he "felt" like he "couldn't" change and had the sense that no one cared for him.

After listening for a while I said to him, "I think I understand one reason that change might be difficult for you." He asked, "Why would it be?" I replied, "Because You argue for Your own suffering. You don't argue for Your recovery and things that strengthen You." I went on to explain, "You tell me how everything is wrong with your life, no one loves you, no one cares about you, you don't know how to change. I think that's crap, I know you are equiped and able to succeed. You started out as a baby crawling on the floor and making weird noises. You learned to get up an walk, talk, get an education, you have done many things to succeed in your life. Is that true or false?" He replied, "True." I went on, "Then maybe we can apply that learning and succeeding mind to this situation and you will see things differently and start make changes."

Reflecting back on this exchange, I really do notice the times when I talked my self into failure or giving up, by arguing for my suffering. When I do that, it can be so self defeating and inject a stunning amount of chaos and negativity into my sense of being. The only thing that I've found to counter that particular situation is guiding my self to "notice," or "focus," on something different.

What I mean by this is when I'm in the "weeds" or "overwhelmed" asking myself, "What is going right, in the very moment?" I focus my attention on that, then begin to expand my thinking based on that focus. Alternatively, I call or write one of my friends and touch base with them, because when I am unsteady, they can often be an anchor for me and help me to become more grounded and help me to notice things that I miss in my field of vision.

I also like to remember some things I learned from Tony Robbins. The chief lesson is that, "The past does not equal the future." The other thing is that when I'm upset or depressed, I look up at the ceiling or sky and smile. Robbins say's it's almost impossible to do that and stay depressed or angry. I've found this simple pattern interruption to be true. We really are equipped to solve our problems and challenges.

The above being said, my hard and fast rule is that if I have the awareness at the time, "I don't argue for my suffering. I argue for my happiness." When I'm doing that, it is so much easier to live inside of my skin. It takes time, effort and practice, practice, practice. It can be done, just like I mentioned when we learned how to go from crawling to walking. We are all capable, we just have to live and express those capabilities clearly and firmly. Agrue for your happiness, not your suffering.

Namaste'

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO