Inconsistently Kind To Myself

Why do we practice The Way? This is a common question. On some level the real answer is always the same [for each of us], to become so-called "enlightened." If I were to put it another way for myself, it would be to say, to be in the seamless nature of This life.

So with such high aspirations, it's sad if not funny that we can do things to block our own path. This "blocking," for me is that I can be "Inconsistently kind" to myself, tripping and at times even discouraging myself.

When I say "Inconsistently Kind," what I mean on the deeper level is that as I'm moving though my life, when things go "Not as expected," it can take me about 15 seconds to whip out the invisible baseball bat on myself. I can say to myself, "You should have seen that one coming. Why did you make that choice? When are you going to completely change? If you're intent on practicing, why did you stand there while others gossiped?" Each of us have many, many negative self statements, which can lead to undermining ourselves. The trick for me has been learning how to notice these moments of unkindness and then developing the skill to let go of this kind of inner self-violence.

Another aspect of being "Inconsistently kind," is not properly taking care of ourselves. This covers a lot of ground. There are things like "proper diet, proper exercise, Zazen, reading, having healthy boundaries with ourselves and others, taking and making down-time." In one light some of these things seem small and insignificant, but over time they can really add up and help us to Be and Feel much more solid and firm within ourselves.

In my ongoing effort at developing skills to be [more] "Consistently kind," I've had to learn how to see though situations enough that I can put them in their proper perspective. This includes having the ability to see my illusions for what they are. The line of thinking is "not making mountains out of molehills." The other thing is not to turn my practice into an opportunity for self-condemnation. A great example is getting angry with myself, when I "break" one of my personal policies or rules. Spiritual growth and development is a process not an event.

As I say these things, please don't make the mistake that I'm arguing against, strong effort and determination in our practice. When I am talking about in my own experience is learning how to do so with compassion and love. Without that compassion and love, the change and growth is limited and shallow.

"Happiness is an inside job," is not a throw-away line. It's really, really, really true! We have to learn how to work with our mind. This isn't the same as the nature of our education system today where we or our children are expected to learn all sorts of facts and figures. The inside job of happiness is something much bigger than. To get to that place of Being happier inside of our skin, we have to move past our inconsistent kindness and show self kindness with greater regularity.

May Your Life Go Well,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
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