Small Can Become Big

At home I have a 32 oz cup where I throw my loose change, at the end of the day. I put stuff in there, but don’t usually think about it. About a year or so ago, my daughter asked me, “can I have the money in your change cup?” Thinking there might be 30-40 bucks in there at most, I said sure. I was wasn’t planning on doing anything with it anyway.

Later that day when I saw my daughter and asked how much she got out of the cup at the “Coin Star.” She said, “112.00.” I asked “are you kidding me?” A rather large grin came to her face, she let our a “Woot,” and then said “yep.” Though I hadn’t been paying attention to the change cup, it seems that she sure was. Score another one for the thirteen year old.

Reflecting on this experience, the message to me is, “Little things add up, over time. Everything counts, no matter how small.” And because things on the surface can appear small or happen over a long time span, we can easily miss or not notice the significance of things.

Once when I had dokusan with Genjo Marinello Osho, as is the custom, I did a series of bows. When I sat down in front of him, he said (demonstrating) “bow like this and be sure to keep your hands like so.” I thought, "why does the precise position of my hands matter? I’m here to solve something that’s life and death to me. The bow cannot be that big a-deal."

By the time I got back in the Zendo and sat down on the zafu, I was disappointed in my attitude. I wasn’t being openhearted and Genjo Osho easily allowed me to capture myself in a bear trap. I said to myself in a gentle tone, “Put aside your arrogance and listen carefully. Be mindful and be what you are, a student who MUST be prepared to learn from his teacher. Even learning to bow properly can be Dharma Transmission.”

After that I put aside my attitude and resistance, things came much more easily. That small interaction with Genjo Osho, made a difference everywhere for me. Small can indeed become BIG.

Though on the surface, some may not understand the value of being mindful and not see or feel how small can become BIG, okay. A person has to learn to help themselves at some point. As Eido Tai Shimano Roshi says, “Everything happens in the readiness of time.” My responsibility to be present and make my own best effort, no matter how small.


In Gassho,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

The Cracks in Our Life

This morning when I got in the shower and turned on the water, I noticed that the water seemed under pressured. Upon closer inspection, I found a crack in the connector and it was shooting water out the other side. How or who broke the shower head didn't matter. The question was, how was I going to deal with the problem.

I have to admit that I took this as a wonderful Dharma lesson. The cracked shower head represented the cracks that I have within myself and my own life. It was ego deflating when I realized that shower and I had exactly the same solutions. Personally, I thought I was far more sophisticated that a shower head.

1. Leave the crack as is and try to ignore it. Yes it would probably get worse over time, but I and the others in the house could probably live with it a little longer.

2. Try to patch it up. Perhaps putting tape around it would be enough. That might hold the water in and restore full pressure, but in the end this kind of patching up would fail and I'd be right back in the same spot.

3. Genuinely repair what was wrong. This means sometimes it will be a repair. Other times it will require throwing out the defective part and bringing in something new.

In this case that meant, removing the shower head and replacing it with another. At first I thought, "May I can put this off until tonight. I'm not sure I have time right now." But then I heard that other voice say, "If not now, When? Don't put this off for the convenience of your family."

I located the original shower head, inspected it and made sure that it was in proper condition and then fixed the shower. It was about a 5-10 minute job. Now Deb and the kids could take normal showers and not worry about the water flying everywhere.

With regard's to myself. I have known times that I have tried to get by with one (two or three) of my cracks or fractures in my personality. These "cracks" or "fractures," are better known as "character defects." I thought that I might be able to so-called "live or get away with it," for a while. But when I tried to go on that way, I just suffer more.

In dealing with my personal cracks in my character and personality, there has been Zen. As I have said here many, many times I translate Zen as "Unification." In fact when I was living at Dai Bosatsu Zendo, Eido Tai Shimano, Roshi would sometimes say "Purify (e.g. unify) your heart." In everything that my own teacher, Genjo Marinello, Osho has taught me thus far, it has been exactly the same thing.

Every sitting, kinhin, Dokusan (private interview with the teacher), work practice session, letter that Genjo Osho writes to me, he is always the same thing. Unify my heart, by the unswerving practice of "This Great Way."

As I practice and train, making renovations within myself, I do what I need to do (albeit sometimes after procrastinating). Often that has been to follow the instruction, "Sit (do Zazen) some more. You can always sit some more." True is true. And by practicing Zen, I have the opportunity to heal the cracks in my life and come to the truth of myself.

May Your Life Go Well,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Twittering Away Our Life

Let me start with a fact. I really enjoy Twitter, having had an account for nearly a full year. Having said that, over time I've made a few observations on one or two aspects of it.

One thing that you notice, if you spend more than a week on Twitter and follow people is how plentiful quotes are. Most of them are deeply insightful, brilliant in certain instances and certainly heart felt. After seeing so much of this, a question naturally appeared for me. That question was, "Why? There must be a reason for so many people sharing them."

I could be 100% wrong and as such will to admit it, when I am. My sense is that people share these quotes because they are trying to lift or hold people up, as we engage in our day-to-day life. So many of us have felt slighted, unappreciated, compressed and squeezed, down in the dumps, lonely, depressed, uncertain, frustrated. How to we maintain a sense of hope and direction?

Sometimes a good to great quote is like a boxer who is beleaguered, beaten up and only left standing because they are holding on to the ropes. It can be the quote that helps to support, encourage us and keep us from letting go and collapsing. While this is very useful and positive, there is another side.

When I was 20 years old, sitting in a counselors office, knowing that I had failed a drug screen, I said, "I'm really thinking about getting clean." My counselor said, "You've been thinking about it for about 11 years. Instead of thinking about it, how about going from the theoretical and doing something tangible and living recovery?"

Though at the time I thought it was harsh, he was right. No matter how good and idea, quote or plan, it has greater meaning when we find a way to integrate, harmonize and reveal it in our day-to-day actions. This brings up the second thing that I noticed. The experiences.

What I enjoy most about Twitter is the sharing of "real" life experiences. I enjoy a good story and people manage to either tell it in 140 characters or point to them in blogs and other sites. I find it really hard to pass up a well told story.

I loved the message that said, "I was planning on staying inside, but decided to walk the dog and had an awesome time. I need to do this more often." That was terrific. Better still, how about when georgiaelizabee, twittered about How To Cook Your Life. That was a really nice resource to be pointed and gently nudged towards. And what about when I was struggling with having labeled someone as a friend, while experiencing contractions in their behavior. Zenstorm encouraged me to "Give up your imaginary friend.Take a look at what's in front if you." And then said "Give up the label and look again."

I deeply appreciate having the opportunity to share and connect with the shared experiences, though Twitter. I say, sure - go ahead and quote until your hearts content, but afterward tell us what you actually did that quote and how was it manifested in your life.

Namaste'

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

No New Wreckage

"Wreckage of the past," is something that's common to us all. Each of us has something that we've done that we are not particularly proud of and would like to sweep under the rug. The reality is that, that's not how the "system," works. Once we do something, for better or worse it temporarily gains a life of it's own, until the action is exhausted. It's very much like a ripple effect.

That being said, I have a friend named Stephen who frequently says like a mantra, "My goal today is not to make any new wreckage, for myself." Every time I hear him say this, I say to myself "true, true, true."

In this case, I want to specifically draw attention to the term "Mantra." Most people do not fully understand that it means, "To protect oneself from the negativity of our own mind." The net result is that, if my head is on a slippery slope and I'm in a kind of negative mood, I lean strongly into a mantra, to help me regain my footing. Repeatedly focusing on, "I will make an effort to express harmony, in This moment" can and does redirect my energy so that I'm not out in my life, running people over. Repeating it often, reminds me about the kind of person that I'd prefer to be.

As I move through my day, I frequently focus on living in a way that minimizes the creation of new so-called "wreckage." This is not only for myself, but others as well. That for me comes in a lot of ways. Sometimes it's keeping my mouth shut and letting others come to their own conclusions. Sometimes it's by not complaining. Other times it's being careful, gentle and holding a person or situation like an egg, which is fragile. In other moments it's offering and giving direct support, with a lot of determined effort.

From my personal experience, every scenario requires the same, yet different answer at precisely the same time. Compassion, combined with spontaneous action that harmonizes with the moment, I hear my teacher Genjo Marinello, Osho saying within my mind.

In not making new "wreckage" for ourselves, our life embraces sustainability. On the other hand, if I'm living my life in a way that's unmindful, I am usually doing things that result in undermining and reducing sustainability. This applies on a physical and emotional scale, in a variety of situations.

For this reason, as Stephen says, "My goal today is not to make any new wreckage, for myself." I hope you have the opportunity to do the same.

Namaste'

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Reflecting on Memorial Day

On May 25th of each year, is an opportunity to be reflective about those who have fallen in war, dying in the service of our country. I am humbled that someone would put their life, their hopes, dreams and body in front of a hostile force, not just to protect me, but my wife and two beautiful daughters. We call it the "Ultimate Sacrifice," because it is said that the greatest gift we have to give is our life's breath in the service to others.

It is a particularly noble sacrifice, because contrary to popular belief, the men and woman who have given their lives know that war is not glorious or to be celebrated. Those alive and decease know the fact that war is indeed "Hell on Earth." That there are people aware of this fact and still have willingly faced this Hell is astonishing and genuinely does bear some deep reflection.

On this day, as a Buddhist, I also consider the cause and reasons that these brave young men and women had to make the "Ultimate Sacrifice" in the first place. War and conflict are started because of something that goes fundamentally wrong. There is a loss of reason. A loss of recognition that we are on this life-boat called Earth and that we truly need each others humanity and support. There is some sort of insanity or delusion that surfaces, preventing the recognition is lost that life is so very precious.

It would not be a wasted moment to reflect upon the question, "How many other planets are we aware of that can sustain life as we are?" Though the probability is very high, we don't know this as a fact. And this being true, we can then consider, what personal actions can we take to reduce violence, given that having this temporary life-form is so rare and precious.

Today, the "Memorial Day Roll Call," that will result in the reading of 148,000 names, over 10 days, by more than 300 volunteers, in Riverside California, will be completed. Because the sacrifice is so great, I feel that ours must be equal to that, reflected in how we lead our lives. Are we here to make money and consume every resource in sight, or is there some better and higher purpose? I'm not just being fanciful. I really mean it with every fiber of my being.

Like it or not, we owe a debt to the brave, fallen soldiers who have given their lives. But it would seem it is a debt that can only be truly paid, by finding ways and means to take positive actions, such as extending kindness, compassion and conflict reduction, in our day-to-day lives. Trust me when I say It's the "Right Effort."

In fact if we genuinely practiced, "Right Understanding, Right Thought, Right Speech, Right Action, Right Livelihood, Right Effort, Right Mindfulness and Right Contemplation," we'd be much better off. Our life could be very different. We just have to chose that life.

As the expression goes, "It is the butterfly wings in Bhutan that cause the hurricane somewhere else." From small actions, large change will come. We have many options. All we have to do is start using them. Once we do that, we may truly bring the intent of Memorial Day full circle and honor our fallen fathers, mothers, brothers and sisters.

Namaste'

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

The Here and The Now

Happy day to you. I thought it would be nice to share a short 10 minute video with Thich Nhat Hanh talking on being in the "Here and now." As we learn to be in the so-called "Here and Now," we find that we regain our freedom.



Namaste'

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Give and Take

A friend of my once asked me, "Why is the Dead Sea dead?" I told him I wasn't sure. He said, "The dead Sea is dead, because it has no inlets and no outlets. It cannot connect to other bodies of water [directly] and with out that connection there is no life for it. The healthiest bodies of water have many inlets and outlets and that guarantees their survival." It's give and take.

When I awoke this morning, that was on my mind. People are exactly the same way. When the heart is open, we often feel better and there are numerous possibilities. When we can sense and connect to the Mind of others, moving past our personal walls, things seem much brighter and hopeful within, simply because there are no gaps and no walls.

I sometimes like to say that "a lamp will only shine, when it's plugged in." It seems kind of corny on the surface and yet it's so true. Sometimes my personal problems are sustained or exacerbated, simply because I may have over looked plugging in with the right person, thinking that I was better off on my own, dealing with the problem. I have seen the clarity of that fact, and yet I have repeated that mistake many times, in my life.

Because of our ability to repeatedly make the same mistakes or self-defeating habit patterns, that makes us so fortunate to have each other. On top of that, the fact that we also have Zazen is a great gift too. When I genuinely plug-in (and not pretending to), boom! The lights truly are on.

Our very inhalation and exhalation, remind us of that the exchange of giving and receiving are extremely important to sustaining our life. Inlet's and Outlet's, Give and Take. My focus for today it to carry that reality with me, into my interactions with others.

Namaste'

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Gay-Lesbian Segregation

Though it hasn't been put forward as such, there has been a lot of "Gay-Lesbian Segregationist," thought, attitudes and behavior being pushed in the media, as of late. In fact it might even border on a kind of "Apartheid." The reason that I say this is because, by it's very definition this appears to be the experience of those who are Gay-Lesbian.

In American life we are very hung up on the so-called "Gay-Lesbian," issue. I see in the press or news that Gay-Lesbian people are not fit for marriage. They are not fit to raise their own children. They are not fit to educate kids (or adults for that matter). They are not fit employee's. They are not fit to sit on the Supreme court. In fact, they are not fit to be in any aspect of American life. The net result is that intellectual and physical board fences are place around those who are openly Gay-Lesbian. Further more, as Barack Obama is fond of using the phrase, "Too often do people resort to characterures."

Though I generally like Barack Obama and have been a supporter, like Rachel Maddow, I'm very disappointed in his foot dragging (e.g. don't ask, don't tell). He is procrastinating and delaying a wrong that needs to be righted, plain and simple.

You might ask, how does the problem of "Gay-Lesbian Segregation," fit in with a Zen Buddhist blog and I'd say good question. Here's the answer, Zen by It's very nature means, "Unification." That word implies togetherness, wholeness, no gaps, no separation and certainly no segregation. When you eliminate people simply based on whether or not they are Gay-Lesbian, we cut our nose off to spite our face.

In both World and American history, we are working-through various types of segregation, especially pertaining to race. Think of the stereotypes that persist about Black people, those who are Chinese, Native-American Indians, Japanese, India or Irish, Women, Jewish persons. At one time or another these entities had to deal with the walls of Segregation, but when we as a society stepped back from it, we became stronger through it's naturally unifying aspect.

A long time ago, when I was struggling with the death of my father, a friend told me, "There's a time when you have to put the B.S. down." Psychologically, it seems to me that this is one of those moments where we could do ourselves a little justice, grow up and do the right thing. We need to stop interfering with the life path of those who are Gay-Lesbian and stop trying to shame them. It's not right and they are who they are. They are 100% a-okay. They are not flawed people. They deserve equality and freedom that we cherish for ourselves. To negate Gay-Lesbian's is to negate ourselves.

I intellectually and emotionally know that Gay-Lesbian Segregation is wrong. It is a practice that is not worthy of us as either individuals or as a Nation. We can only benefit from releasing ourselves from a notion that comes with so many limitations.

May Your Life Go Well,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

The Amends (Lessons in Change)

Usually when the word "amends," is used, we take to mean that a person is apologizing for some sort of inappropriate behavior. Amends actually means "a change in behavior." Personally when I think of amends, I thinking about how I can change or improve how I am connected to others.

But when it comes to change the trick is figuring out, what we need to improve upon. To do that, I can't focus on others, I have to squarely look at myself. I ask myself questions as open-heartedly as possible like;

Am I really, really listening to others and myself?

Am I open? Am I being genuine towards others and myself?

Am I adding or subtracting to my relationship, both personal and professional?

Am I acting out of motivation to sincerely help or am I trying to push an image?

What makes or could influence me to feel uncomfortable about a person or situation?

In what ways can I improve this moment, this interaction?

These are my questions, that I find important to me. You may have one's that are personally meaningful to you. What's important is that we ask and answer the one's that need to be asked honestly.

After, I ask these questions, I look for opportunities to take [massive] action and make changes. It's not enough just to think and consider. To be useful, there has to be some sort of action, on my part. I usually don't sit back and wait for others to change. Amends is about the changes that I can make, rather than you. That can be enough.

In closing, I'd say, this process is not about being a so-called perfect person. For me, it's "Right-effort," and nurturing Zen practice. Mahatma Gandhi famously said, "Be the change that you would like to see in the world." I learn from these moments about how I can and am interconnected to those I am with and encounter.

Namaste'

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

How Will I Apply It

It's pretty impressive, how many books, audio streams and even videos on Buddhism whatever the flavor is readily available to us. And now with the internet so readily available, the opportunities to read, hear, see and learn are just mind boggling. But despite all of this, something very simple and practical as some point has to be addressed. How and when will I apply what reading, hearing and seeing?

On Saturday, when I was coming out of Washington DC, having spent the day with the kids at the Smithsonian Museums, I was anxious to get home. I ran into a traffic jam. In heading towards my exit ramp, I got cut-off three times. My difficultly was that I was not aggressive as other drivers. I was thinking how rude these people where and was actually fuming about the situation.

I wasn't thinking, ahhh there goes Buddha, cutting me off in traffic. I was thinking, if the kids weren't with me, I'd be flipping this guy of with the middle finger. It was then that I heard the voice within say, "and this is Now... practice."

As I was sitting in the car, with traffic basically ground to a near halt, I used this incident as an opportunity to practice. The getting cut-off in traffic had successfully hooked my attention. I had to decide if I was going to allow those 10-30 second incidents ruin what was otherwise a terrific day with my kids. Could I take what I do on the zafu or from my teachers Teisho's or one of the 4 bazillion books that I've read and bring that data into my present moment?

As I sat, I realized that I was not aware or connected to my breathing. It was on automatic pilot. As soon as I noticed, I brought my awareness to the breath. Then instead of allowing my breathing to reside at the top of my chest, I moved it down below my belly-button. As soon as I did that, I immediately started feeling different and relaxed. I noticed I was gripping the stering wheel tightly. I loosed my grip and relaxed my hands. I wasn't an isolated person. I was something else. I no longer felt the need to be offended. Eventually traffic picked up and we were on our way, unhindered.

As I move through my day, my focus for today will be "How Will I Apply It?" As I interact and participate in various situations, will I be like a ghost, brushing among the living or will I be fully aware? What is the choice that I will make? For me, this is the opportunity and point of my Zen practice today.

May Your Life Go Well,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Developing Interior Mastery

I've been reading and re-reading a particular article called, "Developing Interior Mastery," that Genjo Marinello Osho work and posted on the Choboji website. The article was sparked when one of Geno Osho's students asked, "How do we do battle with our interior demons of doubt, self-deprecation, anger, fear, boredom, flights of fantasy, future thinking, obsessive thinking, past replaying, etc...?"

I found Genjo Osho's response helpful, because it runs though ten (10) specific steps as a kind of blue print to improving one's personal practice and the things that naturally appear, when we come to the zafu and Zen Buddhism. It's not vague or ambiguous. It gives some very interesting hints from someone extremely experienced on the zafu. I find it akin to someone who talks about the theories of building a building and the person who has the ability and skill set to actually do it. It's two very different dimensions.

For me, going from a largely philosophical base to the practice of actual sitting was very much the shocker. Many unexpected things came up on the meditation cushion that I thought I had dealt with, that as it turned out were there waiting for me and had only been shoved to a corner of my mind. I may have covered over some stuff but it was all still there. That's the moment that I experientially learned that I was my own barrier. In fact there had been some times that I wanted to give up zazen, because the personal confrontation was so difficult at times.

Over the years, I've learned that in making progress in the, "Development of Interior Mastery," it's very much a process and not an event. It does require sincere time, effort and diligence. Even Gotama Buddha himself had to make a very serious effort in his practice. He had some starts and stops, just like any other human being. The fact that everyone struggles and goes through this kind of turbulence is very important to remember and part of "Crossing over."

Within myself, I recognize that I have both so-called, "Charted," and "Un-charted" waters. Navigation without a map can leave us either cast adrift, lost, going in circles, driven into the rocks or if we happen to "luck-out" a kind of dry land. Without a map or process, it's obvious that things tend to be "hit and miss."

I'm honestly grateful that there are teachers such as Genjo Osho, that freely offer and throw us a life-line. That's a big deal, because it points to both hope and opportunity for change that can improve the quality of our individual and collective lives.

If after reading and exploring the Ten Steps to Developing Interior Mastery you notice and realize that they work for you, use them consistently. If they don't, drop 'em like a rock, but do continue to look for a clear process to move you forward. After all, life is NOT a test. It's really happening to us. Let's use this unique opportunity to practice and develop mastery within ourselves.

Namaste'

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Putting Out A Fire

As I've mentioned at various times over the past few months, I've been facing some fairly stiff challenges in my life. About 90% of it has been squarely out of my control. I am powerless over people, places and things. Not an appetizing perspective, but an honest view.

The new result is that, while I can make my best effort in response, I sometimes feel like I've had a 600 mile forest fire to put out and only a glass of water to use. The question is, when things seem to be so far out of one's hand, what do you do then?

I remember hearing Robert Thurman tell a particular story on several occasions. In the story, it's about a vast forest fire. As the fire rages, a bird who has lived in the forest all its life, see its friends running and fleeing, hoping to get out. But the bird from it's vantage point in the sky see's that they are trapped, if left on their own. Feeling a deep and boundless compassion the bird wishes it could do something to save its friends. The bird glances down and notices the lake. Without a thought, it dives down into the water, taking it into its wings and shakes it over the path of its friends. With relentless determination it does this again and again and again. Eventually the bird exhausts itself and perishes, but because of this Bodhisattva act, his friends go free.

On the surface it would seem that the story ends there but it doesn't. Because the bird made such a compassionate effort, in it's next life it was reborn as a human being. The reason for this is that the human body is considered the most advantageous form in recognizing final enlightenment.

When I was at Spring Sesshin back in March. Genko Kathy Blackman Ni-Oshō repeatedly said, "Exhaust yourself completely. Don't hold anything back." She said that time and again. Hearing her expression I knew that she really meant it, in every sense of the word. She has that Way.

Though I have my own fires that on certain fronts seem so difficult and hard to put out, I will exhaust myself. I will never give up, never give up, never give it. And my reason is not that I feel like I could be a Bodhisattva, but rather as Eido Tai Shimanao Roshi would say, "There is nothing else you can do, but give fully to the moment and challenge. This is also the Bushido Mind."

So there is difficulty, uncertainty, doubts and anxiety. But there is also an opening in everything. An opening that allows for a kind of, "This challenge and problem can and will be resolved, there are no hopeless situations, there is no-one who is beyond redemption." But to get there, we must be able to go beyond the understands and views which we normally see and the only way to do that is to exhaust ourselves and put the fire out.

In Gassho,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Zen Practice and the DMV

Yesterday, I had to deal with the Department of Motor Vehicle about a ticket I had gotten. I went in thinking it would be simple matter, which though it was, there was some turbulence a long the way.

I got my number, and was guided into the "Driver Improvement," section. I said to myself, "With a sign like that, this can't possibly be good." Eventually they called my number. I greeted the woman cheerfully, sat down and handed her my papers. I said, "I guess there was some sort of mis-fire and I ended up getting this letter saying my license was going to be suspended, if I didn't take care of this. As you can see I have the paperwork showing the matter had been resolved some time ago." She looked at me and said, "We don't make mistakes. If you got this, you did something wrong."

Boom! Shenpa. I got that feeling in the stomach and my attention was hooked. I was thinking, "what a jerk, with a capital J." Mentally, I said "Stay with the moment, don't got somewhere else (anger and fear), maintain your focus." I replied to the woman, "I didn't say Delaware mis-fired, I said there simply was some sort of error. Based on the court documentation that I just gave you, the case was dismissed and the matter should be over."

The woman flipped through the papers and then faxed them to Dover. She came back and said, "You satisfied the matter but your license will have 5 points." I replied, "I don't think that's correct. The case was dismissed, which means it was thrown out." She said, "Maryland sent us the paperwork, you're guilty and you have 5 points."

I glanced down at her desk, looking at the pictures. I promise you on the Dharma this is true. She didn't have pictures of people on her desk, they where pictures of lizards. Mentally I said, that's a reflection of why she is like this. She prefers them to people."

I looked at her as a point of practice, softened my gaze and asked, "Will you please check with the Dover office. The paper from the court said it's dismissed." She challenged, "Show me where it says that." I point gently and mindfully down on the paper to where it said dismissed. She let out a, "Huh?" And I said, "Yes, there it is."

She called the Dover office and they removed the 5 points that they placed on my license. The woman looked at me and said, "Told you we (Delaware) wasn't wrong, Maryland was," as she handed me back my papers. She then said, "Your free to go." That one really hooked my attention too. I looked her directly and said, "I never knew that I wasn't free to go anywhere. I didn't do anything wrong. I thank you for your time and I genuinely do wish you the very best," and walked out. She looked at me kind of weird and didn't say anything.

Having gone through all of that, I can say that was growth for me. In the past (early 20's) when I've felt like someone was trying to put me in the corner and intimidate me, I would get really angry and fight hard against people. That's partially because I would link the same feelings of when my father used to beat me up when I was a kid, to that particular moment. That feeling of helplessness could provoke a volcanic response with me.

Over the years, Zen has given me many different options. Instead of going back to when I was a kid and being in the corner, bloodied , feeling scared and helpless, the practice has enabled me the ability to allow those moments to stay where they are... the past, IF I choose that. No spacing out, just be here in this moment and find the opening of appreciation that will let the air out of whatever the problem is.

Zen Master Rinzai Gigen said, "If your belief in yourself is not sufficient, you won't be able to find your own way, you will always be deluded by the circumstance and directed by this around you but not by yourself." To that I can only say, True!

Namaste'

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

What Am I Feeling?

There are times that I have to stop, sit down meditatively and ask myself, "What am I feeling? I wait and listen for an answer, and when the first answer comes back, it's usually not true. In fact it's often "misdirection." When I dig more deeply down, quite often I notice or find something that seems far more authentic and honest.

"What we think about, we become" is a very popular quote from the "The Dhammapada," that I have heard people use a lot. I upgraded that expression for myself to "What we feel, we become, all day long."

What's notable for me is that when I have feelings that I don't like, find unattractive or that I'd want to stuff, I do something quite interesting. My brain allows my attention to get hooked by other things, so that I don't notice or feel what I'm feeling.

Getting so-called "Hooked," for me includes TV, going shopping, procrastination, coding, designing, listening to people gossip, focusing on people that I'm unhappy with and more. Really, it's anything leads me away from me. Hence the word "misdirection," that I mentioned earlier.

When I live by the things that hook my attention, I can acquire a psychological or spiritual kind of sickness. But the tricky thing about this sickness is that you can be ill without know it, because we become emotionally or psychologically distorted. It's kind of like gaining 10 lbs, but you didn't notice it as it was happening. One day you look in the mirror, shocked as all-get-out and ask, "How did I get to this weight (place) without knowing?"

The cure is relatively simple, but can be very difficult to swallow. The cure you ask? Sit on the zafu and meet our "True-self," there. As we come to ourselves, we have to cut through all the crap and BS. That is the really uncomfortable part. It can be a struggle, like cutting through a very think forest with a machete. It means cutting down, moving through and evaporating our illusions, so that we can get to what we *really* feeling. It can and does hurt, sometimes. Zen Buddhism is not a pain free process.

So here we are, full circle. What are You and I really, really, really feeling TODAY? Is it true or it something we made up, to cover and smooth over something else that we didn't like? Only you know. Only you can tell you what you are genuinely feeling. As for me, my focus today will be to "harmonize," with my true feelings and find a way to be my authentic self.

May Your Life Go Well,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Not Like We Planned It

Over time, I've had a realization that's obvious but somehow managed to either minimize, rationalize or ignore it. All my life I've spent more than a little time making plans. And despite my best efforts, I cannot think of a single thing that turned out as I had planned it. Life is very much alive and makes It's own decisions, without regard for my dreams, visions and hopes.

I was planning on spending time and taking a walk with my daughter to get exercise, but her friends called and she decided to hang out with them instead. I was hoping and planning on keeping my Credit Card rate at 3%, but despite making every payment, Bank of America changed it to 6% (and said they didn't have to provide a specific reason). I was planning on completing a particular project in the office, but something else came up. I was planning on cutting through with my koan, but got distracted and started thinking of all the stuff I needed to do around the house. On and on it goes, all the time. You get the idea.

Back in the time that I was living at Dai Bosatsu Zendo, I still strongly recall Eido Tai Shimano, Roshi saying, "You say I, me and my. You say this is my life, I am making this decision, this is my choice. Let me tell you all this. As much as you think that you choose your life, You must come to know that life chooses too."

Honestly and personally, the goals and plans that I've had, as a son, a brother, a husband, a father, as a Buddhist, a member of a Sangha, friend and employee don't entirely approximate where I thought I would be. That doesn't make things bad. That just makes it "not as I planned it." But for those things that have happened that I have been disappointed by, what do I do with that?

What I've been doing personally is "Zen." The Way of Unification, doing my best to unify the Heart of my Being. It's been trying to wake myself up. My current understand is that I've been learning to be awake as I can, with the moment that's in front of me and see if I can "harmonize" with it. That can be tough, tough, tough, when it comes to the things that this so-called "I," does not prefer. But that is the Way forward.

While John Lennon was so very right when he said, "Life is what happens, while your busy making plans," we can notice and recognize our True self in each moment. For me it requires a sustained and "open-hearted," effort.

As I slowly unfold, with the help and guidance of both my practice and that of others, I am encouraged. I have been able to at times detect that there is a certain balance or rhythm that we can have with "Not as we planned it." It's an kind of comfort and somehow knowing that no matter what happens, in the end, everything will be okay. It may not be in this very moment, but it will, within the next.

May We All Unify Our Heart-Together,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Completing the Task

Last night, I was watching His Holiness, the Dalai Lama on Fareed Zakaria GPS. Near the end of the interview, he asked the Dalai Lama directly about his next reincarnation. The exchange is interesting (read full transcript from CNN here);

"ZAKARIA: How will your successor be chosen? Because the Chinese government, as you know, claims that they have the right. There have been some reports that you may try to preempt the situation by actually initiating the process yourself.

DALAI LAMA: I made very clear that because of reincarnation -- the purpose of reincarnation is to carry the task which started by previous life. So logically in case I die outside (INAUDIBLE) some work not yet accomplished so that my resignation logically appear outside in free world, that's clear.

ZAKARIA: But do you think the next Dalai Lama must appear in the free world?

DALAI LAMA: Yes, I think. Why not? Look very purpose of reincarnation, not just for previous life's work -- must follow previous life's work, logically."

Reflecting on the words, if you consider what's said, it's a startling exchange, on many levels. In particular when H.H. The Dalai Lama said, "The purpose of reincarnation is to carry the task which started by previous life." He was so matter of fact and certain about it, that threw me off a little. For me, I've never thought about it deeply, except that a long time ago, I heard a teacher say, "You (e.g. personality) don't get to so-called reincarnate. What continues on, is your karma... your actions."

The obvious question on is, "Does that apply to me too? What is the task that I am trying to bring to completion? After forty-three years have I bonded and connected to that task or will I miss my appointment with it?"

Personally, I'd like to think that I'm making an effort to "complete my task." There's an old expression that I like from the Alcoholics Anonymous Program, "To thine own self be true." To so-called complete the task, it fully requires being true and honest with oneself and "following the signs," if you'll allow for he expression, so that we can notice the task and then complete it. That process requires me to observe, listen, be attentive and aware.

To get to that place of completing, we have to make some choices. Do I live and get by, squarely focused on "money, property and prestige," or some larger purpose with less tangible marks of success that society usually grades by? When I put it to myself like that, I don't actually care about so-called "reincarnation." What I'm interested in is fulfilling my purpose and take in this lifetime. The next, if there is a next will take care of itself.

As for H.H. The Dalai Lama, I do hope for the sake of all sentient beings that his work during and after this lifetime, continues forward. As Bassui articulated, "If you don't come to realization in this present life, when will you? Once you have died you won't be able to avoid a long period of suffering in the Three Evil Paths. What is obstructing realization? Nothing but your own half-hearted desire for truth. Think of this and exert yourself to the utmost."

My focus for today is to be diligent in working towards completion of my task.

Practice Well,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Become Complete

This morning I woke up with memory of something that I had once read from Sokei-an Shigetsu Sasaki, some time ago. It goes; "If I have any ideal at all, it was to become a complete human being." And then I heard myself saying, "That is why we practice." I reflected on that for a bit.

Dr. Jerome Miller at Salisbury University used to lecture frequently on "The Is-ing of Being," and would talk about being in the process of "Becoming." Everything becomes something else, moment after, moment. That "Something," from my view is either "more incomplete" or "more complete."

Whether I become more complete or incomplete, in my experience is largely determined by how I live my life. When I have a problem and then make a conscious decision not to resolve it, I'm taking a step towards being incomplete. When I face my problems and myself and start working within myself, that nudges me towards a sense of completeness.

I have an older brother. His name is Paul. I really admire and respect him a lot, but to tell you the truth, we've been through so much, that I'm not sure how to love him. It's one of those really hard things for me. Milarepa once said, "I want to live and die without regret." I want to embody that statement and yet there are things that I regret in my relationship with him. Probably the core issue for me is that I feel that I was never "enough," of whatever he expected of me to be worthy of his respect and love.

It hurts right now saying it, but my teacher has taught me that I only have the truth and have to BE my own truth. This is as Dr. Miller said, the "Is-ing of Being."

When ever I face challenges, my teacher, Genjo Marinello Osho will say to me, "Sit some more." I hate that. It means walk some more, because without doing so I step towards being incomplete. And that is the good news of Zen. We practice, practice, practice, practice, practice and we over time bloom, like a beautiful flower, even through our growing pains and challenges.

That's why I don't give up on my practice, because my practice is me. And we can and will become a complete human being, but only if we practice with 100% of our heart. Zen really can help us to complete that which we may think is not completable. In closing, I would encourage both You and I to think of Bassui and paraphrase him. "If you do not come to completeness in this lifetime, when will we?"

Namaste'

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Making Friends With Buddha Within

During my Jukai ceremony in March, Genjo Marinello Osho handed me an envelope. One of the things inside was a copy of the Buddhist Precepts. At that time he gave me some specific guidance and instruction on them. I've been trying to make friends with them ever since.

Some of them are really obvious like "I will be reverential and mindful with all life; I will not kill or be ruled by violence." That's easy to comprehend and follow. But then there's "I will not gossip or engage in frivolous conversation." That's still really clear but surprisingly more difficult to follow. Part of the reason for me personally is that I feel like there's a part of my mind that say's, "It ain't a good thing to do, but people do it all the time."

Here's a great example of how I ran in to it. Last week I ran into someone. This person's in recovery and asked, "Have you seen or heard from _______? I hear he's going through a tough time and may be doing some shady stuff." The precept, " I will not gossip or engage in frivolous conversation" popped into my head. Filtering that I said, "Yeah I heard that, but, but, but, I have no experience that what you are saying is true. I haven't seen him in a while. Things are not always what they appear."

Later I saw a group of friends together and asked me the same thing. It was obvious they where talking about the particular person, but it was definitely as "wow, did you hear what _________ did...," and it kinda went from there. I felt uncomfortable and walked away.

As I was walking, one of the guys yelled, "That Buddhism stuff must be getting to you, are you holier-than-thou that you can't hang with us?" I replied, "If your not thinking of talking with _________ directly and figuring out if he needs an assist, that your conversation is frivolous and that's where I need to walk-away. Help but don't hinder," and I continued on.

Those moments are a little tough, especially because it involves asking myself if I'm holding the Precepts correctly. It can also hurt my head a little, because I'm looking more closely at things though the filter of the Precepts. Sometimes it feels awkward. Sometimes it's a trap because I have this weird habit of hitting myself with an invisible baseball bats, when I feel like I didn't live up to something.

Beating up on myself when I miss the mark is not the intention of the Precepts. That's not particularly helpful. But the other day, I think I may have found a way to re-frame my understanding of how to live within the Precepts.

The other day, as I was driving home, my brain stated playing a song in my head. It was part of a .38 Special song that went like this;

"So Hold On Loosely, but don't let go
If you cling too tight babe,
you're gonna lose it
You're gonna -- lose control
yeah, yeah, yeah Just Hold On Loosely but don't let go
If you cling too tight babe
You're gonna lose control."

And hearing that helped in understanding what I could do. It gave me an option. Don't hold the Precepts so tightly that I strangle them or me. Holding them gently and as compassionately as possible. The was pretty much what, Genjo Osho had said in the first place. Going from the theoretical to the actual that can be a little tricky, but then again that's what learning is all about.

Namaste'

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Numbing Out

A friend caught up with me the other day. He was telling me how he "totaled" his car, in a really bad car accident. He said, it was exactly like those auto insurance commercials. You wake up and don't even know what happened. He said, "It's like there's no gravity and you're just kind of floating somewhere."

My friend went on to say, that in the aftermath that he has noticed that he's been "numbing out." I asked, how so. He replied, "well first off they gave me a bunch of pills I'm supposed to take for the pain. That leaves me feeling a little foggy. Despite feeling like I'm in someone else's body, I keep taking them because the pain is pretty bad still. Then I spend time in my recliner numbing out on TV. I'm watching stuff that I don't even really care about, but I get to kinda space out. People call me and I don't answer the phone, I just avoid and stick with my distractions. What do you think?"

Looking at him, I could empathize. I said, "I know that numbing out feeling well. I sometimes get under stress or feel like I'm out of rhythm with myself and my life and I hide, until I think it's over. I miss my appointment with the present moment."

I went on to say, "tragically, I too can numb out with TV. I sometimes call it the dog lease. It's like when people don't have a fence, but have a dog and chain it to the post. It can only travel in circles and really cannot go very far. That's what a TV can do. You miss the world outside your door. It's vast. Sometimes oddly enough, I've even numbed out on the zafu (meditation cushion) on more than one occasion."

My friend asked, "How's that possible. I thought that zen made you more focused and more here?" I told him, "Sometimes after a tough day or I'm in a overwhelming situation and I don't feel like dealing with it, I'll sit down and my reaction is to go into fantasy land. It's not helpful, but it is what it is. I'll be thinking of Deb, the kids, baking food, places that I've surfed. I've actually surfed, immersed and indulged in certain feelings, cause I wanted to so-called fully know them. I have my own personal movie theater in my head. But no matter what I was doing, I was either spaced out or numbed out. I wasn't unified, I was scattered or turned off. I wasn't in the moment. I was numbed out, but we can change that."

He said, "That's what I want to know how to do. How do stop numbing out, even if just a little?" I replied, "My experience has been to just do and be something different. If I'm numbing out on TV, I turn it off and mindfully walk around the golf course, near my house. If I'm procrastinating on things, I sit down and start knocking out tasks. If I'm on the zafu, and having trouble syncing with my practice, I focus everything that I have on counting the breath, so that I know that I'm really there with the present and not somewhere else in the universe. In short, I show up for my life and stop waiting for it to happen to me."

My friend asked, "Does that always work?" I said "no, but that's where the people close to me come in. I don't always see what I'm doing to myself, but often they do. When those close to me notice, they wake me up and pull me out of the tar-pit that I'm stuck in. Maybe that's why you got up with me? You're hoping that something gets sparked. We do that for each other, because we are all connected."

When we are numbing out, it's very hard to fully appreciate this moment. We can make a different choice, if we would like to wake up.

May Your Life Go Well,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

All in the Same Boat

Pema Chodron, In this short 8 minute video talks about how we are all in this life together. In her own ways, she gently points in the direction of closing the gap and distance, between our self and other.



Namaste'

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Little Becomes Big

This morning, my mind is reflecting on something Genjo Marinello Osho said in his most recently released Teisho, "All The Earth Is Medicine". He said, "Little things can become big things, if we don't attend to them." True, true, true.

Genjo Osho saying that has me pondering the so-called "Little things," that I've been neglecting to address or take care of. I don't even have to look very closely to see that there are quite a few things.

The reasons that I don't take care of the "little things," are pretty simple. I sometimes minimize and say, "that's not a big deal, it can wait." Other times I'm just lazy. In other moments, I'm telling myself, "I'm too busy to deal with this." And sometimes, I just think the "little thing," is a pain in the butt and I tend to procrastinate and put those things off. No matter what the reason is, it can just be me fooling me.

Being attentive, aware, alert to the "small things," is a way for me to understand that, everything we do is in some way, shape or form "important." There's no hoax or illusion in that! I can have better appreciation for these "little things," if I practice well, but diligence is required.

Gassho,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO