Zen Without Jargon | Part VI

If find it comical at times that the words Buddha and Buddhism, a term implying clarity can be made utterly murky. I get questions all the time like, "Is Buddhism a religion? Is Buddha considered a god? Can I practice Buddhism and my religion at the same time? Hey, didn't some body say, If you meet the Buddha kill him, so whatever I do is okay isn't it?" These are just a few and there are many more that people have.

Please keep in mind my usual disclaimer. Anything I say is based on my experience and is not meant to be authoritative. It's one person sharing with another.

When people ask me about the word Buddha, I often encourage them not to get hung up on the word or think it's strange and mystical, cause It's not. A basic translation of the word that tend to work well is "One who is Awake," but I always like to add, "360 degrees." As for the other notions and ideas, Buddha is not a god. I myself sometimes say, "Buddha is a presence or State of Mind, nothing inside or outside. It's a way of Being that often will not match so-called normal intellectual formulations. It's way past that"

Is Buddhism a religion? Not in the traditional sense since the word religion also implies "God." Buddhism Itself is as I mentioned before a Way of Being or Practice and as such doesn't bother with the notion of is or is-not God. One of my friends Bo once said, "In the East, they never had a word for not God, so they never bothered arguing about stuff like we do here."

I know a lot of people who are ordained Zen Buddhist and yet they consider themselves rock solid Christian's, Jewish person's, Quakers, etc... People are often surprised when they find out that I believe very much in Jesus Christ and the principles that He expressed, those principally being and expressed as Love, Compassion, Kindness, Honesty, Openmindedness and Willingness.

I must be honest, I'm not into a lot of the stuff that people have seemed to have liberally added, which is exactely what people do with regard to Buddhism. People manage to put stuff and attribute meanings to it that aren't really there. It's for this reason that there tends to be so much distortion. There's too many words and ideas but not enough Practice.

My experience has been that Every One and Every Thing has the Buddha Nature, without fail. The difficulty has been that the State of Awakened Mind is largely used, unexpressed or not actualized, within our society. If you asked me how I can tell, I'd say look at what we value, look at how we treat each other, look at how we tend to feel. There can be no other explanation than we have been asleep for a long, long time. We can do better, but to actualize what is "better" ourselves is a choice, a practice and a way of life. Nothing mystical there.

If you are somehow suffering, and I turn away or avert my eyes and pretend that I don't see YOU, I'm not expressing awakened, unified Mind. If I am more interested and living in distraction of various addictions, that renders my incapable of being fully present and aware. In those distractions are gaps, distance and time. We becomes actualized is a dream, fantasy or illusion, not an Awakened mind. Things can get really muddy and dense.

Awakened/Buddha Mind is not as complicated as we'd like to make it to be. I've heard Genjo Marinello Osho say, "It all out. It's all shining. It's shouting at us from every corner. The pieces are all out on the table. Nothing is hidden. There is no mystery." For some reason I believe him. It's true. There's no sense in pretending otherwise.

If we are really interested in answering the questions, What is Buddha, Buddha Nature, Buddhism or what does it mean to be Buddhist, It's time to sit. It's experiential not intellectual. As John Daido Loori pointed out in a talk he gave, he said "In 2,500 years only one person ever came to enlightenment by reading. It was the Hui-Neng the Sixth Patriarch who heard the words of the Diamond Sutra (he was illiterate)." That said, Zazen, zazen, zazen and overtime, if we can manage to let go of what we think we know, we can wake up.

If we really want to get past the jargon, we have to stop putting things on the table that really isn't there. Bassui Zenji put it best when he said, "If you don't come to realization in this present life, when will you? Once you have died you won't be able to avoid a long period of suffering in the Three Evil Paths. What is obstructing realization? Nothing but your own half-hearted desire for truth. Think of this and exert yourself to the utmost." Buddhism is not about how smart we are but rather something else. Please sit and find out.

Hands Palm to Palm,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

The Weapon To Our Self

I find that there's a peculiarity in human psychology that I'm don't find particularly helpful. We have the capacity to turn against ourselves. Once we have turned against ourselves, we run the risk of doing what might be called "self-injurious thinking and behavior." We can truly be a "Weapon to Our Self."

Self-injurious thinking and behavior can come in many different forms. Sometimes it's contained within negative self-statements. At other times it can be that we either temporarily or permanently give up on ourselves. Then there are those times that we can hold attitudes towards ourselves, wherein we devalue ourselves.

Once these seeds are planted within our psyche, it's possible to develop a script or narrative that may either overtly or covertly undermine ourselves, creating speed-bumps, roadblocks and/or barriers to being a true friend and ally to ourselves.

I started to notice that I could be a weapon to myself when I was 21 years old. A friend gave me a small task. I was supposed to carry a piece of paper and pen in my pocket. Every time I used a negative self statement I was supposed to put a mark on the paper, in order to keep a count. He told me, "When you do it, don't concern yourself with how many or how few marks there are, just put one down when you say something negative to yourself."

What I found out caught me by surprise. I noticed that in many instances, I was using joking, harsh self-talk and sarcasm to emotionally cut and undermine myself. The repetitive nature of doing so had the net-result of influencing my behaviors in odd ways.

I example is where I would tell myself "Don't trust people, they've hurt to in the past, do not place yourself at their mercy." It turned out that holding that thought in my mind resulted in me keeping distance from people whether a person had hurt me or not. And when I was 21 years old, decided that I needed to make some life changes, that line of thinking deprived me of a lot of help. In fact, I was thinking and reinforcing it so much that in certain instances I'd actually sabotage relationships that where potentially really good.

Over the years, how I managed to reduce being a weapon to myself was a pretty cool strategy. Instead of trying to talk myself into change, I decided to "Live (and love) myself into a new way of thinking."

Whenever I was going to tease or be sarcastic with myself, I'd use a positive self statement. When I would feel scared, anxious or thought I was going to fail at something, I would use a statement I had learned from Tony Robbins that said, "The past does not equal the future." Instead of saying "no," I started saying, "Yes." Instead of always trying to live in the approval systems of others, I started living in my own. Instead of avoiding the Zafu, I started going to it and stopped calling myself a "Zen failure." That's why I was having so much difficult in the practice of my life.

When I decided to live and train at Dai Bosatsu Zendo in Livingson Manaor New York, about 16 years ago, my friends thought I had lost my marbles. Very few people were supportive of what I was doing. But consistently I'd respond, "I'm not making my choice to make You happy or unhappy. I'm making my choice based on that it feels like the right thing for me to do and I'm okay with that."

I also adopted the "One percent rule." My focus was to make a one percent improvement every day. By living like that on a daily basis, by the end of the year, I could count on having made a 365 percent improvement with myself. My life began to unify, no longer just focusing on problems but aligning my mind and heart on solutions.

I found long periods where I dropped being a "Weapon to Self." There have also been times that without knowing it, I would pick the "Weapon to Self," back up, yet as soon as I noticed it, I made the effort to drop it. Life is not always going to be emotional ballet. It's only natural that we hit rough spots. That doesn't mean we are not making progress, it just means we may have hit a rough spot. What seems impossible to change within us is possible, so long as we stick with ourselves and practice, practice, practice living ourselves into a new way of thinking.

May Your Life Go Well,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Zen Without Jargon | Part V

In practicing Zen, there are two "Buzzwords," that have been added to the English lexicon. One is the Rinzai School and the other is the Soto School of Zen. A couple months ago, I happened to sit with a group and they discussed the differences between Rinzai and Soto schools. What I found a little (or a lot) perplexing is that while some spoke very authoritatively on certain aspects of the schools, non of them actually trained with a teacher that was either Rinzai or Soto. While those speaking on the subject were well intentioned, they were also riding on information that they had gotten in a book and not the "real-time," actual experience.

When the question comes up as to the difference, there is usually a hallmark response. Rinzai Zen practices with "Koans," and Soto Zen focuses on the practice of "Shikantaza," (translated a s"Just Sitting") pretty much to the exclusion of all else and rejects the use of koan practice. In point of fact, that's not actually true. In fact Dogen Zenji who is considered the "father," of Soto Zen was actually originally trained in Rinzai Zen and engaged in koan study. It should also be noted that he actively used koan in his training. To further this point John Daido Loori Roshi completed an book called, "The True Dharma Eye: Zen Master Dogen's Three Hundred Koans." Daido Roshi also happenes to be considered a leading Soto teacher in America.

When I first started training at Dai Bosatsu Zendo, in Livingston Manor, New York I asked Junpo Denis Kelley who was the Vice Abbot at the time what the difference was. He had actually practiced Soto Zen in California early on and I thought he would be the "right," person to ask. His response was what I later found to be typical "Junpo." He said, "Soto is like having an apple tree. If you wait long enough - the apple gets ripe and (usually) falls. In Rinzai Zen, we walk up to the apple tree, shake it a lot and for the apple to fall. But just because the apple falls doesn't mean that it's ripe. You just managed to knock it out of the tree. So we take the time to rippen and season the apple with our ceaseless practice." The message received loud and clear.

Speaking of Dai Bosastu Zendo and Zen schools, I'd also like to mention that Eido Tai Shimano Roshi who is the Abbot there and firmly in the Rinzai camp, also trained with Yasutani Hakuun Roshi. For some inside baseball and what most people don't know is that the training must have been of a fairly close in nature as Yasutani Roshi offered Eido Roshi "Inka," and was going to give him the Dharma name "Jiun," which means "Compassionate Cloud," though for whatever reason he declined the honor.

I mention this because when I trained at DBZ, Eido Roshi had no problem incorporating, harmonizing and merging aspects of his experience with Yasutani Roshi, into the overall training there. Put another way, though Eido Roshi is from Japan, learned the English language, he became an American citizen and accomplished many other things. He incorporated, harmonized and merged. My experience was that Eido Roshi's interest was in just training well. Here we tend to have "all or nothing," propositions. Middle ground is a difficult place in our culture.

My up-close and personal experience as a Rinzai Zen Buddhist is making the specific and dedicated effort to Awaken and See things as Is. I'll tell you now that Rinzai Zen is not for everyone and that's okay, because if You are practicing Soto Zen or some other tradition, that's all that really matters. Just practice with Eyes and heart open.

I train Rinzai Zen with my teacher Genjo Marinello Osho, because I sense an urgency to my life that not just about helping myself but others too. I See, Feel and notice impermanence, and what goes comes with it all the time. I don't know why I was born so attuned, all I know is that it's encoded in my DNA. For this reason, I'm not comfortable waiting for the apple to fall. My DNA is compels me to shake the tree and bring down some green apples and let them rippen in my hands.

In closing for today, there two things that I would mention. If you do have an interest in "Traditions," check out this link at the American Zen Teachers Association. You might find some interesting information there.

The second thing is that, if Your path calls You to not shake the tree, encouraging You to just wait and let the apple fall, listen and follow that instinct without pause. That's fine. Let's not think in terms of which so called school or tradition is "best." Better that we spend our time just practicing The Way. Being overly intellectual will not help.

In Gassho,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Change or Die

"Change or Die" by Alan Deutschman is a book that I recently read, not just once but twice in the last month. I enjoyed it that much.

The premise of the book revolves around the idea that "impossible change is possible." To make lasting change happen, we need to move away from the old model of the three F's. This is better know as "facts, fear and force." The newer model or paradigm to live in and embrace is what Mr. Deutschman refers to as the "three R's." They are "Relate, Repeat and Reframing."

The book travels through compelling case studies and anecdotal experiences which are easy to understand and clearly see how people grow physically, emotionally and spiritually. It is also made plain how we can deconstruct instances and times that we don't make needed changes so that we can give ourselves the opportunity to move beyond what we might think are failure patterns.

To me the difference is striking how we can resolve and dissolve challenges. Using the old "Fact, fear and force," model, was usually in an ongoing battle with myself. A lot of interesting labels came up. Something would go "wrong," and instantly I'd start beating up on myself. Whenever I do that, I start compounding problems. Genuine and sustainable progress can be extremely difficult to come by.

In using the principles of "Relating, Repeating and Reframing," it almost like learning to be a friend or positive ally to myself. There was no need for things like devaluing self talk like, "How could you have been so stupid to make that kind of error," or using words like "can't," or "never." I developed the ability to use self-helping words and mental frame works. As soon as I did so, I created a psychologically and emotional future that I could uphold and sustain.

There's a lot we all could learn by applying the principles in "Change or Die." It's down to earth, direct and doable. We just have to make the decision to change and over time, build on that foundation to improve the quality of our life. Remember, "Relate, Repeat and Reframe."

Namaste'

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Zen Without Jargon | Part IV

In a continuation, I figured it's time to take on something that muddies the waters in coming to know and experience Zen, more than anything else. Books. Last night, just for fun, I did a search on Amazon.com for books on Zen Buddhism. I was shocked to see the results where 12,481 related books. That should tell us something right there. Some of those books are bound to be really good and others have to be terrible. A Lot of these book are translations and some translators are simply better than others.

I have a fairly extensive collection of book on Buddhism in my personal library. I can honestly say that some of them are dense as lead and about as useful as wearing a space suit and trying to perform ballet in a busy city street. But then again, there are a few that are like getting a cold bottled water on a hot day. Some books can be very helpful companions that are like a compass. They point towards a direction, but I've had to make the effort.

The list below are some titles that I know them pretty well. They've been good friends. Those mentioned are not meant to be an all inclusive list, but rather this are a few of the books over the years that I've returned to many times, when I needed to reorient my direction.

Be Here Now, By Ram Dass

The Dhammapada with translation, By Eknath Easwaran

What the Buddha Taught, By Walpola Rāhula

The Three Pillars of Zen, By Philip Kapleau

Zen Merging East And West, By Philip Kapleau

Zen Teaching, Zen Practice Philip Hapleau and Kenneth Kraft

Namu Dai Bosa, By Nyogen Senzaki, Soen Nakagawa, Eido Tai Shimano

Golden Wind (Zen Talks), By Eido Tai Shimano Roshi

Eloquent Silence, By Nyogen Senzaki (Editied by Roko Sherry Chayat)

The Cave of Poison Grass - Essays of the Hanny Sutra, By Seikan Hasegawa

Being Upright, By Reb Anderson

A Flower Does Not Talk, By Zenkei Shibayama

The Zen Eye, By Sokei-An

The Compass of Zen, By Zen Master Seung Sahn

Start Where You Are, By Pema Chodron

How to Meditate, By Pema Chodron (Audiobook version)

Bodhisattva Mind, By Pema Chodron (Audiobook version)

The Art of Power, By Thich Nhat Hanh

Being Zen, By Ezra Bayda

The Gateless Barrier, By Robert Aitken

Enlightenment Unfolds, Kazuaki Tanahashi

I hope that some of these titles if you read them, prove useful. I feel compelled to say that these particular titles have not made me intellectually smarter. They have connected with me on a different place. If you practice with You may come to know what I mean. If you have suggestions of your own, please add them in the comments section. You own books which have been useful to you may also help others.

In Gassho - Hands Palm to Palm,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Zen Without Jargon | Part III

Small note, as we dive in today. These are my personal experiences. They are not meant to be "authoritative." It's one person on the path of Zen (Unification) sharing mond with another traveler. And with that...

Huang-po said, "I did not say that there was no Zen; it's just that there are no teachers of Zen." This is a very elegant statement which might be one of the most misunderstood expressions and has been reduced to misleading jargon. At one point, I had a friend who was sitting and regularly asking me about practice. Eventually I said, "Maybe You should start working with a teacher." Huang-Po's quote was his response... sigh.

My personal experience is that, there "Are" teachers of Zen and I'm thankful for that. In fact while some avoid sitting with a Sangha and authentic teacher, I love the fact that I have both available to me. Zen Buddhism is a "Team," practice and by working together it accelerates the likelihood that we can stop deluding and tricking ourselves. Having a teacher does not indicate that I am somehow an incompetent human being.

In discussing this, I'll share my experience from two angles. First will be what "Cho Bo Zen Ji Sangha members have taught me and second what Genjo Marinello Osho has been like as a teacher so far.

During Spring Sesshin (7 day practice intensive), I hit a rough spot in koan practice. At the time I could not see, taste, touch or feel it. It was so bad in fact that I didn't want to go back for what is called "Dokusan," which is a private meeting with Your teacher to discuss practice. Why not go back? I was embarrassed. I didn't want to seem, not on my game or look stupid, in front of someone I deeply respect.

I mentioned my problem/dilemma to a Senior student, asking how they would proceed if in a similar situation. The response was, "I've been exactly where You're at. Go to dokusan and fess up. People get in front of Genjo Osho and want to look good or impress him. Drop it. The truth is that he's not there for us just when we are at our best, but also when we are at our worse, really needing guidance and support." Pow! True is True.

After that exchange, I spent pretty much every moment, trying to connect deeply with the koan, but I just couldn't penetrate. I was a "Ford Fiesta" stuck in a 100 foot deep mud pit. The next time dokusan was available, I went. When I sat down, he just kinda looked at me. I restated the koan and then said, "I'm lost, lost, lost," and bowed my head, disappointed. He gave a laugh that let me know that he has been there too. He then proceeded to provide direction and guidance, saying "Turn is this way..."

As I left the dokusan room, a heaviness drained from me. I was not climbing Mount Rainer alone. I was among friends. What was a problem or barrier for me, was taken from my hand and I could go forward, even if only inch by inch. That's okay.

In terms of the Cho Bo Zen Ji Sangha, here's a few more examples that might give you a wider sense of why I love them so much. One Sangha member emails me images of his photography where the only response I can feel is, "Yes." Another writes emails to me just sharing day-to-day experiences, reminding me to be resolute. Another reminds me that I am even in moments that I might feel unsure and alone, I have friends who love and care about my well being. Another told me, "if Your knee is really hurting, sit another way and when your knee is ready, resume your traditional posture." And Genko Kathy Blackman Ni-Oshō made Green Tea, demonstrating how tea bowls/cups are in their own way, very much alive too. These examples are very tiny snapshots of what Is so much larger.

Speaking directly of Genjo Marinello Osho my Teacher. Though there are standard definitions for what we "think" the word "Teacher" means, my experience is those definitions tend to fall very flat. The meaning cannot *really" be fixed though we attempt to make it so. I can only say he encourages me to go straight ahead. He shares his experiences but he always encourages me to notice and embrace my own [authenticity], not his.

I am a so-so sports fan. One thing I notice about the amazingly gifted and talented athletes, who are in many cases paid millions of dollars, because of the extra-ordinary gifts, all have coaches. Show me one that doesn't? They have blinding talent and yet still need encouragement, guidance, support and eye that can cut through and see circumstances as they are. So too for those of us who sit on the Zen seat. We have dazzling talent, but still... It's said that Buddha had at least One, though surely more students with deep and penetrating insight that I'm 100% sure surpass my own. And still they sought his support and guidance. That's a fact, not supposition. I like to remember that, because when I get out in the weeds alone, that reality brings me back to the path.

I've know many people who have talked and shared how they had or have searched for and found their teacher. In my case, he found me. This is just Further evidence that as Eido Tai Shimano Roshi (Genjo Osho's teacher) once said, "As much as you think you choose your life, Life chooses You too."

All the vectors within my life experience have directed me to my Teacher and Dharma Brothers and Sisters at Cho Bo Zen Ji. As Genjo Osho recently said, "Lift your feet up and left the water carry You," as though I was in a float inner-tube raft, moving down a river. Being his student is as natural and correct for me as breathing air. No jargon in that, Just True.

In closing, some of my experiences, You might regard as kind of mushy and sentimental. Trust me when I say, they're really not. No bull, Zen is a life or death climb for me. Like it or not, some day, some moment, that won't be of my own choosing, I will come to the clearing at the end of the path with this temporary body that is guaranteed to fail me.

What will I say of myself. What will other's say of me? That I tried to make the climb and know the Dharma selfishly on my own or that I got their though accepting the help and support of my Teacher, Sangha and All sentient beings. Our life is not a test. Our life is an absolute miracle and gift. I have no intention of wasting this opportunity, Complete the puzzle of my life on my own.

Love All - Serve All - Every Single Day,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Update: Point of clarification. When I use the term "Authentic teacher," I am speaking strictly in a traditional Buddhist sense. I mean a Teacher who is a part of a "Dharma lineage," that traces it roots back to the Buddha. Additionally These persons have been authorized or okay-ed by their own teacher to do so.

There is no "one" line, but many, many, many branches on the tree, spanning many countries and cultural backgrounds. By way of example please go to the American Zen Teachers Association, membership page. That might improve your idea on what I mean by "Authentic," if my explanation has not been clear. ~In Gassho, Seiho

Zen Without Jargon | Part II

Interspersed with the traditional Zazen, there are two other important practices that have meant a lot to my overall training. The first is Kinhin, "Mindful Walking." The other is Samu, "Mindful Work," practice.

I've experienced Kinhin in different ways. Speaking specifically at Dai Bai Zan, Cho Bo Zen Ji, in Seattle, it an interesting dance. The first aspect of this practice is mindfully walking in a slow and focused way, feeling each step, harmonizing the breath, the posture and mind. The second aspect is harmonizing with a person in front of me. Genjo Marinello Osho once likened it to having the synchrony of a catipillar or cars [carefully] merging in traffic.

One of the interesting benefits of this practice is that I learned to not just feel myself walking, but at times when my mind was focused well, I could feel the person in front of me. There where moments that I wasn't I didn't notice a gap or separation. The net result is that by the practice of Kinhin, I was able to notice and appreciate my relationship to those that I was with, in a deep and meaning way. I felt as though it actually changed how I felt about some of the people I was training with.

Samu, the Mindful work practice is something that I not only make an effort at when I' at cho Bo Zen Ji, but my day-to-day life in the office. At Cho Bo Zen Ji, Mindful work practice could be what seemed like simple every day things like, cleaning windows, sweeping the zendo, garden projects and more. One of the nice things while I was out in Seattle was to participate in a relationship between Cho Bo Zen Ji and the Seattle Japanese Gardens. My task was de-mossing trees. To some it might seem flaky or stupid, but what I learned it the tree takes care of use and it's okay if I take care of it. We have a relationship. It deserves respect. It deserves to be protected from harm too. During the "de-mossing," I'd tell myself, "remain mindful... maintain your attention... you don't have to space out... harmonize with the moment... Be present."

When I'm in the office, I found it really helpful if not practical to bring my practice there. This is especially true because there is so much opportunity to be distracted by the many tasks and requests that naturally pop-up. Given that I work in the health care industry and the nature of my job, 99.8 percent of the time, the person on the other end is calling, because they are having a problem. The net result of the scenario is that the person on the other end doesn't want to hear psycho-babble or no, they want to hear, "I've been helped." It's not always possible to help others in the way they might have expected.

Mindfully, calmly and present as possible, I make a consistent effort to listen to what they are saying and do my best to help. If I say I'm gong to do something, I follow through. If I'm supposed to call back, I do. In work practice the focus is, "Be focused, Be engaged, Be present, Be alert."

Every time the phone rings, I breath in and silently say, "Your task is to help this person." When I pick up the receiver I always ask, "This is Jaye, how can I help You today?" That is a reminder there's a human being on the other end and whatever their circumstance, they are deserving of my attention and respect, even if they're flipping out.

Whether it's Kinhin or Samu, my lesson is how to being in or move through spaces in a "Unified," and "caring" way that is very present, feels and expresses the interconnectedness of daily life. As I mentioned earlier, when I'm genuinely engaged, my mind changes about people, places and things. As a process at times instead of thinking, "what does this person want to take from me", "why do I have to pull the silly weeds, people won't really care" or judging others saying to myself, "look at how they walk, they're not mindful at all," I can drop at the crap. I can dissolve that "me vs. them," kind of thinking and not just notice, but really be the connection with so-called "them."

The last time I was at Cho Bo Zen Ji, there was a strip near the monastery that we cared for, on what I corner of "E. Madison st. & 20th Ave.," on Capitol Hill.

Working with the plants, weeds dirt, removing cigarette butts, sweeping dirt felt a little odd. As people walked by I found myself "self-conscious." I found myself wondering, "Do the people looking at me this this is my community service consequence." I had to drop, drop, drop my cluttered and crappy thinking, merging with what was asked of me. As one of my friends likes to say, "Go over yourself." That's what I had to work through and it proved an very interesting. At that corner was a stop light and occasionally someone would wave from inside a car and mouth the words, "Thank You," or give a "thumbs up." It was Buddha recognizing Buddha. The only thing that was exchanged was a moment of kindness and acknowledgment. Very nice, very present, no distance or gaps between minds.

I'm compelled to say, Zen is not blankness or spacing out. Zen is not being off in some remote and distant mental space. Zen is not esoteric or mystical, as I've seen some project. Zen is right Here, right Now, This Present moment.

In Grattitude,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Zen Without Jargon | Part I

The other day, @iDharma on Twitter offered a suggestion of writing an article. "It would be cool to hear how others explain Zen (& Buddhism generally) to non-Buddhists, i.e. how to explain it w/o jargon." @Quieddora also encouraged something around "Zen basics." I agree. There's a lot of buzz words thrown around that are frequently misunderstood.

Please keep in mind, I'm sharing this with you as a Lay-Ordained Rinzai Zen Buddhist, based on my experiences and what I have learned from my Teachers, those being Eido Tai Shimano Roshi and Genjo Marinello Osho, He is Eido Roshi's Dharma Heir... (I know more strange word, but I will get to all that in time).

Probably the best piece of "jargon," to start with is the word "Zen." Frequently I hear Zen translated as "meditation." In my gut whenever people used that expression, It didn't seem right, but I didn't know why. But one day while living at a Monastery, I heard Eido Roshi speaking and he said, "Zen better said or put means Unification. Unify your Heart. Unify Everything."

POW! Something was put in place. It wasn't just on an "intellectual level," but in my gut or emotionally. That was a clear moment for me, when there was no gaps, no distance, no time. Everything just "felt," a-okay. This unification is not something that I've been able to grasp or hold on to with my so-called, "intellect." This unification was going on somewhere else within me, but more on that later.

When I looked within myself, I noticed that I didn't consistently feel unified with anything. As a matter of fact, I felt terribly separate. Within that feeling of separation, all of the sudden I felt physically ill. What was I "really," connected to? I could tell you intellectually, but not emotionally... experientially... no, no, no.

The other term I'll mention today is "Zazen." Let's translate that as "Sitting in Unification." What was I supposed to unify myself with? For me it started at my first "Introduction to Zen," weekend, that was actually at Rochester Zen Center, a year or so before which was hosted by Bodhin Kjolhede then Sensei (He is now a Roshi). His instruction was, "Count one to ten, starting with the inhalation. When you lose the count... and You will, don't think about how it happened, just go directly back to one. When you get to ten, return to one and repeat. No matter what happens [in Your life], always just come back to one."

I thought of myself as a pretty smart guy, but having the capacity to "Sit in Unification," was (and still is at times) incredibly difficult. I sat on a cushion and my mind was going in every direction at the same time. After about a day or two, I made it to ten, once. My mind really was like a wild monkey or tiger like the books said. It was no longer theoretical is my personal. Yikes! Well that's not what I expected. despite this discouragement, what kept me coming back was, I had a personal question that I wanted answered. The question? "What happens when I die?"

In learning Zazen at the Monastery with Eido Roshi, the practice was on an entirely different rhythm and scale. I sometimes call my time there as Buddha Bootcamp, not becuase it was harsh, but more of the relentless focus. It's like you were with a team, scaling Mount Everest. Everything was in focus. Everything Mattered. It was pretty intense. Most people have romantic ideas of what it's like to be in a monastery and there's no romance at all. In fact in can be pretty muddy on a lot of different levels.

Back then a sit could be anywhere form 45-60 minutes. Explaining, Eido Roshi said, "You have the 10-15 minutes when your mind is settling in. Then you have the 10-15 minutes anticipating when the sit will end. So if you sit for 45 minutes, You might be lucky if you get 15 minutes of actual (focused) Zazen in. That cut explanation through the crap on why the sits were those particular time frames.

On a practical note, Eido Roshi gave specific instructions for Zazen. Though if You needed to use a chair to do Zazen, he would allow for this, but other alternatives needed to be exhausted first. These alternatives come in various forms a sitting, illustrated here. And yes I know they use the words, "how to meditate,at the top of the page. I thought I told you to ignore that word.

Genjo Osho is also on the same mind on this. There are some interesting benefit of this, but you have to try them out to know. This is something better lived through than explained. In my past, I had a serious surfing injury that has cause me severe pain. This should not be over looked and I've made adjustments in my sitting when I need to, but at the same time, sometimes the pain has nothing to do with the body, it has to do with the state of ones mind.

During a particular sit, I was having a massive amount of pain. I felt hopeless. I couldn't get my mind to center on anything other than endless distraction. The thought of attaining any "unification," was about as likely as my being voted President of the United States. But during that sit, Seigan Fudo Ed Glassing, saw my struggling and my pain. I must have looked really uncomfortable, as I faced the wall (what a metaphor). I couldn't sit still at all. Standing behind me, he bent over and whispered in my ear, "The pain is not Yours," and walked away.

That verbal nudge, did something. All of the pain and distraction drained from me, like a plug being pulled from a tub full of water. As it drained, one became the whole universe, two became the whole universe, three became the whole universe, four.... There was no problem. For a time afterward, I didn't experience any pain in sitting at all. That in and of itself was a powerful lesson in the mind can do to the body.

Genjo Osho has a rather "Inside baseball," instruction on practicing Zazen. It's called "Developing Interior Mastery." It's one of the few, "This is exactly what I do with my mind," when I'm on the cushion moments. Very interesting and very useful.

This is where I'll stop for today and pick up on this tomorrow. If you have your own experiences or thoughts, please use the comments section. Many could benefit from your experiences. Please do not use hypotheticals, just what your experiences have been with "Zen" or "Zazen." Being speculative can just drive use in circles. By the way, if and when you comment, an "ID" or "Login" is not required. Just scroll down.

In Gratitude,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

To Those Who Would Have Us Fail

There was an interesting quote by Senator Jim Demint (R-S.C.), wherein he said, "If we're able to stop Obama on this [Health Care Reform], it will be his Waterloo. It will break him."

Is Jim Demint (R-S.C.) and others like him insane? Create a catastrophic situation in a power grab to wound the President of the United Sates, hoping for personal gain, while forcing millions of Americans to continue without health care? How hateful do you have to be, to cause harm to so many people, when so many suffer without adequate health care? He's so very sick and what's worth is that he gave voice to a state of being in our society euphemistically called, "haters."

Sadly he's not he only person that I've seen hope that someone fail in the pursuit of a goal. There are a few people that I know which are like that. Their sentiment can be a cause of frustration, disappointment, leaving me feeling perplexed and very powerless at moments, because it's as though they find happiness in seeing people fall and fail, almost like it validates them.

In the face of such thinking and being, what can we do against forces that don't have our best interest in mind? How is it that we can harmonize? I have some ideas about that.

The first is that, I know someone who travels to the "British West Indies," several times of year. He once told me "It's really trippy when I'm there, because for the most part, everything is no problem. Kindness, happiness and smiles are everywhere. There's not the animosity that easily appears [elsewhere]. Just being there for that is an amazing experience." And I think, if not there, why not here? Why not at this very moment?

The second is in something called, "Bodhisattva Vow." There's set of lines that says:

"If by an chance he should turn against us,
And become a sworn enemy, and abuse and persecute us, we should
Bow down with humble words, in reverent belief
That he is the merciful avatar of Buddha.."

This isn't saying as some might think, be a martyr. What is says to me is, even though people may do negative, cruel and things which are self-serving, remember that on the most basic level, if we see past the distraction, there's a Buddha there. Like me that had a mother, father, maybe brother or sister. We have been like them, they have been like us. There has at one time been a moment of non-separation, a moment of "No problem."

If we work with our mind and diligently practice Zen (translation: to unify the Mind), then even when people pray, hope and work for our failure, we can still maintain a connection to our Center (Buddha nature). I easily admit that I struggle with this at times. It ain't easy! But then again, no one ever promised me that it would be. My awareness reminds me that it's a process and not an event. I'm reminded that I can take certain "Steps," and apply "Spiritual principles" to weather the storm and dissolve it within the practice of Zen.

We may get blown off course by people who would have us fail. Despite this fact, when we regain our Mindfulness... our harmony we can come back to our path and continue onward. As my mom likes to say, "Don't let you hold YOU down, feeling sorry for Yourself or circumstances."

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Life of Integrity

On Friday, July 17, 2009 Walter Cronkite, transitioned his life. Just the thought of his name and remembering his face on the television screen yields a singular feeling that I associate with his being. Integrity.

By my experience integrity is a result of various characteristics that are applied to ones life. Honesty, openmindedness, compassion, empathy, steadfastness, emotional and behavioral flexibility, courage, patience, determination and self-sacrifice are just a few of the principles involved.

Applying any of these principles, intersects quite nicely with the "Eightfold Path." In making an effort to embrace both the "Eightfold Path," and principles mentioned, I've sometimes felt like I've been traveling in circles. The journey's never been steady or even. For me it's not about being perfect, it's been about making progress, though continual effort. It's okay if it "just" one percent at a time, one day at a time, living within one moment at a time. That is the key lesson transmitted by Walter Cronkite.

Walter Cronkite, I read many times, loved boating. For that reason I use his actions that he learned from the sea. He never, ever gave up on following his principles or a destination, those he did at times adjust the sails to meet the given adversity or unpredictable circumstances which he faced well, It didn't matter, whether is was in foxholes in Vietnam or interviewing a President attempted to skillfully extract the truth to help health a Nation. It wasn't "all about him," and it not get "famous," it was to "serve all."

True is true. Integrity is frequently expressed in an individual, who is courageous, beyond everyday belief. But integrity does not just benefit that individual. It influences and makes us all better for it, because his actions, not his rhetoric served as a beacon that we could guide of life by.

Walter Cronkite's "Life of Integrity," is a legacy speaking to the better angles within ourselves. His life of integrity isn't about doing the easy things, but it is about *being* within the really real. That so many clearly see, it could and should encourage us to continue his work of Being Integrity, since it has such a capacity to heal us.

Love All - Serve All - Every Single Day,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Cutting Through What Seems Impossible

When I was living at Dai Bosatsu Zendo, Eido Tai Shimano Roshi mentioned several times a song call "The Quest," from "The Man From La Mancha Yesterday." Through a series of events yesterday, was thrown into a extremely difficult pit. Last night as I sat, processing the events and moments, I traced the words of "The Quest," back through my mind, making an effort to recall how Eido Roshi would say them.

"To dream the impossible dream
To fight the unbeatable foe
To bear with unbearable sorrow
To run where the brave dare not go

To right the unrightable wrong
To love pure and chaste from afar
To try when your arms are too weary
To reach the unreachable star

This is my quest
To follow that star
No matter how hopeless
No matter how far

To fight for the right
Without question or pause
To be willing to march into Hell
For a heavenly cause

And I know if I'll only be true
To this glorious quest
That my heart will lie peaceful and calm
When I'm laid to my rest
And the world will be better for this
That one man (or woman), scorned and covered with scars
Still strove with his last ounce of courage
To reach the unreachable star."

As I absorbed these words, I realized this was another version of "Bodhisattva's Vow." It is a personal commitment to cut through and dissolve not only my personal illusions, but also those projected onto me by others. Dissolve and move on, dissolve and combust, dissolve and go straight ahead. Not so easy, perhaps at times feeling lost, but later coming to know it's possible to reconnect with our internal compass, that guides our life.

Someone acts out, okay. Someone is verbally abusive, okay. Someone doesn't know how to communicate other than to strike out, okay. Yes this things are unfair and wrong, but still those people are a part of "The Buddha Field." This can be hard to see and imagine, receiving unfair blows, but It's still true, none the less.

I like very much when Geoffrey Shugen Arnold, Sensei quoted his teacher and said, "I'm not okay, Your not okay and that's okay." Whatever the difficulty is, we can cut through what ever seems impossible, if we maintain the Bodhisattva Vow.

Love All - Serve All - Every Single Day,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Melting An Ice Berg

Like anyone, I have things that I'm very pleased with myself on and other things (that cause friction and dysfunction) that I'd love to throw a blanket over and ignore. It's mostly because there are certain negative aspects of myself that are as sticky and long lasting as duct-tape. But in an effort to make progress with myself, I had to make some decisions.

The first decision is making the choice about being (just) willing to pull back the covers on the things I don't particularly enjoy. That's why I threw the blanket over it, trying to ignore the situation in the first place. If I pull back the blanket, that draws more attention to the "baggage," and forces me to deal with it. In the process I'm forced to leave a (sometimes well developed) comfort zone. Trust me when I say, I know how to have suffering, ignore and live with it.

The second decision is that once I have decided to pull the covers back, the question changes to, "How do I deal with the situation in a healthy and helpful way?" This isn't just for the sake of myself but others as well. I like to insert the expression, "Honesty without compassion is brutality." This is a helpful thing to remember.

I sometimes find it useful to think of the things that cause friction and dysfunction as an "Ice berg." We usually only see the time, without know the shape, size and ramifications that are below. "Ice bergs" can be hard and difficult to manage. If the circumstances are right for these ice berg, it can and does remain frozen for a long time. In fact the freeze can be so deep that it's nearly impossible to get at the friction or dysfunction, because it's protected by the frozen state itself. Zen has gone a long way influence and improve upon conditions in which my ice berg lives, so that it will melt. Zen Buddhism generates the willingness to pull back the covers, and begins the process of turning up the heat to melt the ice bergs, that I may have so nicely preserved.

The practice of Zazen (sitting with unified mind), Kinhin (walking meditation), Samu (mindful work practice), Koan practice (It is a reference to examples that are meant to guide life), Sutra study (thread holding or connecting things together) and engaging in the practice of everyday life create an atmosphere and conditions favorable to melting the "Ice berg."

I have to say that in the process of my Zen Buddhist practice, there's an interesting side-effect, that took me a while to pick-up on. My way of usually dealing with friction and dysfunction had been by by taking on challenges one-by-one (prior to Zen training). But in practicing Zen, This one practice changed many things, because my mind was changing fundamentally.

Early in my practice, even though it was a little though at first to make friends with Zen training, I developed a sense of "Hope." I was able to see through my momentary friction and dysfunction, noticing what was right about my life, not just what was wrong. That's where my happiness came from. It was from the ability to see differently. Circumstances didn't always change. I did. It is these changes that have enabled some of the breakthroughs that I've experienced within everyday life.

When I was living at Dai Bosatsu Zendo, Kongo Ji, many years ago there was a calligraphy that Eido Tai Shimano Roshi made. Often I'd plant that in my mind as I entered the Zendo. The calligraphy said, "Unify Your Heart." One unified heart and mind can change many many, many things for the better. A unified heart and mind can easily melt an ice berg.

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

A Shift In Feeling

The other day, I was listening to a Teisho with Genjo Marinello Osho that got me to thinking. In it, he talked about a notable "Shift," a change wherein everything looked, seemed and felt different. That got me to ask, the last year of interaction and training with Genjo Osho, had their been any shift in myself that I could notice.

As I scanned myself mentally, I was able to detect one that Is noticeable within me kind of easily. I've been embracing feelings. My mother used to tell me when I was younger, "You feel too much. You'd do better to put that aside." And because of this, I did. I focused my talent on using intellect to filter my every experience. It was more like being a like my brother, who I used to tease as being more Vulcan than Human. If I couldn't break someting down into a sequential logical process, I'd regard it as basically voodoo and would refuse to go there. Problems where solved by calculation and strategy, with minimal regard to feeling. It wasn't a false way of living, just lopsided. Things needed to make sense and add up, but not always. It was in this way that I could hold a certain feeling of safety and security.

Since re-engaging strongly in my Zen training with Genjo Osho, making it something more than just a routine exercise of just sitting, my brain has begun a process of recalibration. It hasn't been smooth and I have had some scary moments, but It has all been very necessary.

My shift has been in embracing my feelings and intuition and allowing them to be a much greater part of my daily living, rather than be relegated to the attic or storage locker. An excellent example involves my oldest daughter. She's very smart and has the strong capacity to grasp things fairly easily through logic. Though only 13 years old, she can take any computer platform and bend it to her will. I was thinking, "Boy this is great, another nerd in the house. I have a Vulcan with me, she can understand my universe."

That line of thinking led me to push her (possibly too) hard on accomplishing things, getting good grades and encouraging her strongly towards completing tasks. The background thought was that if she is able to max out her intellect, that would enable her to be financially secure and by that logic happy.

But after beginning my shift, I began asking her about how she "felt," as she was learning things as opposed to focusing only on her grades. I had deeper appreciation that my daughter's a human being, not a future monetary profit center for the capitalist machine. Her happiness with herself and what she's doing became of primary importance. It was a little after that, she picked up her bass guitar and began to embrace playing music. My first thought was, "It's not likely that she's going to make a million dollars that way." But my second thought was, "Man does she love playing bass. She'll sit in her room for hours to learn every part of a song, because she wants to share the experience so clearly."

Being part "Vulcan," myself I must admit I have a deep love of logic, but it will never teach me how to feel the world. Though feelings aren't facts, they do guide my physical, mental and spiritual compass. I don't get a sense of completion in my intellect the way that I do within my feelings. When I'm going though a koan, there is no intellect involved, It's something much, much bigger at play. Passing into a koan requires the ability to navigate from an intuitive space, so that we can see things another way.

Since I was 5, I've known that 1+1=2, but Zen has created an opening where I can experience, feel and know the synergy of how 1+1=4, through the birth and growth of my children. 1+1=2 is not always so.

Much of our universe can certainly be expressed in science, mathematics and logic. On the other hand, Seeing... really Seeing the Universe as it truly is, no calculator is necessary. In fact I don't recall the Buddha using one, but I have noticed that feeling intuitive sense of being through compassion, action, respect, empathy and an unconditional Love. As I mentioned yesterday, my daughters have proven that to me many times, not it just words but simple gesture and bearing.

This shift in feeling is not something that I was expecting. I thought there was nothing greater than logic. That's okay. Genjo Osho once asked "How many zeros go into one?" He himself answered, "The calculator goes error!" Logic is only a temporary ally. This expression seems so trivial, if I'm not connected to my feelings. But when I am, these words express the bottomless and vast Mind of the Buddha Itself.

Namaste'

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

National Treasure

Last Saturday, for the price of a tank of gas, lunch and apple juice, I took my 4 year old to the Smithsonian Institute. We went to Enjoy the Natural History and Air & Space Museum. It was quite an experience for her. Her big sister and I had been once before, but didn't really go slow and take our time. This time we intentionally made and took our time.

For both of us, it was quite a juxtaposition between nature and technology. Seeing our world in these settings and in this way, through the endless questions and eyes my daughter was a strong reminder of how precious and what a miracle life truly is. Topping things off was the beauty of the National Mall, as we stood between the Washington Monument and Capitol Hill.

On the drive home back to the shore, I reflected on the day. As I looked at my daughter and thought about not just the exhibits but the people that we saw and shared the space with. I couldn't help feel for a moment that "Every Single Thing Is our National Treasure." Yes it's true that a big part of life can seem and genuinely be ugly, dirty, muddy, skeptical, rude and perhaps unforgiving. But more times than not, if I'm paying attention with my heart and mind unified, I can sense and feel the beauty.

Last night I heard my teacher, Genjo Marinello Osho say, "Eye's open, ear's perked." That is precisely what it takes to embrace the "National Treasure" of This life which Is so precious. It can seems so hard to do at times and yet my four year old daughter teachs me that it is so easy. All I have to do is open my arms wide and embrace This very moment.

Namaste'

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Apply The Lesson

I can say within my Zen training, I've been given and had many advantages, along the arc of my training. On the surface It might just seem lucky or coincidence but as times, I can feel "Some-Thing more."

I've had extremely helpful books at times seem like they have almost floated right into my hand, when I least expected it and yet needed the guidance most. I have met people that help point me in the right direction or motivate me, when I was having trouble holding my head up. I was fortunate to be given the opportunity to train at Dai Bosatsu Zendo - Kongo Ji and now by Dharma arrangement to be a student of Genjo Marienello, Osho who is a Dharma Heir of Eido Roshi. The relationships that I have with various members of the "Dai Bai Zan - Cho Bo Zen Ji Sangha," could not be better calibrated to my making progress in my training. They sometimes feel closer to me than my own biological family and I have a deep fondness for them.

I feel so grateful and like I said so incredibly fortunate and yet there is an important lesson that I've been working to apply. The advantages that I've been provided are there to help me work with my own mind. The advantages that I've described have been really solid opportunities for me to dissolve some of my illusions, even if just my "one percent."

One percent progress is okay with me. I don't have to be the "Tiger Woods," of Zen. That's not the point. Just making "authentic," progress is. Authentic is this case means that which I've earned by making sustained effort, while still riding within the wave of the advantages that I've been given.

Put another way, Pema Chodron sometimes says, "You have to teach Yourself the Dharma." All the advantages are great, but it's my responsibility to "apply, apply, apply." No one can do it for me and no one can do it for You. Genjo Osho recently used an interesting expression. he said, "You are the Pilot of Your practice." Hai! True is True. The principle of "Personal Responsibility," is extremely important on this point. When he said, "Be the Pilot of your practice," I am hearing "don't take short cuts or the easy way out. Learn to make and live with the difficult decisions" (i.e. following Precepts and the Path).

As I "Apply the lessons," that I have been taught, I move from the theoretical to the actual. I can read a book about how to play golf. I can learn the rules from talking with people and reading books. I can talk and receive instruction from someone. But until I put the golf club in my hand, feel my posture, work with my mind and swing of the arm, I really won't know what it tastes like to play golf. It would just be theories and ideas about would it would be like to play.

I say read a thousand books. Talk to everyone that could provide guidance in unifying the mind. Listen to many teachers give Teisho and Dharma talks. But at some point please "Apply the Lesson." Zen is not just information for the brain but rather "Sho Gyo Mu Jo," or "Ceaseless transformation," in our Being and Becoming. Bolder still would be to say Zen is "Transfiguration," when genuinely applied. But to real KNOW, I'm finding we must, "Apply the lesson."

Love All - Serve All - Every Single Day,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Together Right Here

The other day, someone said to me, "I wish I could be where you are in terms of practice. It's written all over your life." I laughed and told him, "It might be difficult to see it, in this moment, but are truly together. There is no gap, distance or time. We can practice to help know it and move beyond a mental hall of mirrors that sucks up our psychological bandwidth."

In the book, "Being Upright: Zen Meditation and the Bodhisattva Precepts" Tenshin Reb Anderson, Roshi said "When you do not practice kind speech, your vision is limited. Then even when others are practicing kind speech, you may have difficulty noticing and appreciating their efforts. On the other hand, when you begin to practice in this way, you will see kind speech everywhere. By practicing kind speech, your vision is transformed."

By practicing Zen and the Precepts within, I've noticed there are no bandwidth limits on "Spirituality." In fact because there is no poverty or lack of anything with "Unified Mind," and for this reason it can expand and increase our psychological/emotional bandwidth pipe. The net-result is having the capacity to life as a "Human Being," and not a "Human Doing." We can genuinely be okay with living inside This body.

Zen is not being "good," now so that we might gain something "better," later. Zen is for just Being Now in This Present moment. My teacher - Genjo Marinello Osho, the Dai Bai Zan Cho Bo Zen Ji Sangha, my family, my friends are not off in some remote or distance place. We are together right here, right now. But to really experience this we have to "Practice to Know, Practice to Know, Practice to Know," what is right here with us now. Over time we see and know that it couldn't be any other Way. Have a great weekend.

Namaste'

Jaye Seiho Morris, Currator
digitalZENDO

This Agitated Mind

Yesterday was something that I'd describe as a difficult day. There was an ongoing series of things that had been moving in the background and foreground that seriously bothered me. With those situations came of feeling of being compressed like I was being squeezed in a vise-grip. From the angle that I was processing things from, I succeeded in agitating myself and becoming more irritable than when I woke up.

I have to say, there were some really unfair and negative things that happened. But I came in contact with the fact. While I've trained mind can cut though and resolve problems, it can also go the other way and cause an internal rampage, when I don't carefully monitor it. When my mind enters that state, I want to start saying "No," to everything that comes up in front of me and pull back. Yuck, how human.

At one point as I noticed how my mind was going, I made a decision to take reign in the rampaging horse mind. While it can be ego gratifying to be [self] righteous and wallow, there's no really winners or rewards when it happens. Actually it turns out to be quite the opposite. Entertaining or holding on to that state can be like putting on concrete shoes and jumping in 100 feet of water. I made a choice to do something different. I decided to say "Okay," to everything.

"Can you help answer some calls?" Okay. "I can't find a file that's missing. Can you help me located it?" Okay. I need help with the numbers in this report, will you help me figure it our? Okay. "I don't understand my iPhone. Can you help me get it working right?" Okay. "Dad, can _________ spend the night, her mom says it cool?" Okay. "Should I clean out the litter box?" Okay. I had a moment when I felt like my heart was breaking. I said that's okay too. It cannot be otherwise.

As I said, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, I somehow managed to drop the agitation. I could then remember the face of my Teacher, seeing and feeling his steadfastness. I was dissipating the energy each time I said okay. The air was being let out of the balloon and I could regain traction with myself so that I could feel comfortable living inside my skin. This is something I referred to last week, in a post. As my mind became more settled, It was harmonized enough to remember that, "Where there is resistance in me, there is pain and I will suffer."

I couldn't see that on the front end of my day, because of focusing on what was wrong. It wasn't until I focused my mind [gently] on "Okay," that I began, "Seeing" and "Feeling" what is right in things that are not only in front but within me as well.

With effort, energy and time, this mind that can be so agitated can be dropped and laid down. It costs too much to carry. All I have to do it practice, combust and dissolve. You might not understand what this means, right now. That's okay too. If you become Zen, You will.

Love All - Serve All - Every Single Day,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Being the Same Page

The relationships that we have with the people in our life can be a very difficult koan to work with. Speaking on Zen practice over the long haul, Genjo Marinello Osho once said, "If you practice Zen long enough, You will experience the highest of highs and the lowest of lows." The same could be said of relationships. Highs and lows cannot be avoided.

I've heard the expression many times in my life, whether in professional or personal relationships, "We need to be on the same page," meaning we should consistently be working together. But during a particular sit during Spring Sesshin at Cho Bo Zen Ji, something else emerged for me. What came to the surface is, "Instead of being on the same page," we can actually "Be the same page."

It would seem that to "Be the same page," there are some important principles and actions that can allow this to emerge. The first thing is that we know how to respect, care for and in healthy ways, nurture ourselves. Being humble also fits in here for me, because it means the ability to intimately know oneself, assets and liabilities included. If we no inclination to work with our own mind , be kind and healthy with ourselves, it will not be possible to have a "Being the same page," relationship with others. We will in some way, inevitably be self-destructive.

A second principle to "Being the same page," could be open and honest communication. The root of communication is "commune," which implies being together on an intimate level. I sometimes ask myself, "If we're not being open, honest and thoughtful with the people we are interacting with, what is it that we am doing?" In my interactions if I'm projecting things that I really don't feel, then that means I'm projecting an image onto the screen of life that is "unreal." Genuine harmony and interconnectedness cannot be noticed or realized, when I do things like that. It's better to play it straight, being real rather than something that's fake or memorex. I want you to know real me, not the masked and hidden person.

A third principle could be, "putting myself aside" knowing that by "Being the same page," we are better off in this way than by being something else. What that means for me is knowing when to let go of the personal agendas, so that I can be empty to receive something else. This is so hard to do, because I sometimes like to interject the question "am I selling myself out?" The only thing that I can say is that, koans only difficult to penetrate because of ego. When we drop the ego, many problems are dissolved, like a wave washing over a sand castle by the water.

If we are unable to "Be the same page," with even one person in this life, it has been fully wasted. It would be like drawing faces on a piece of paper during a meeting, because I was bored and detached. It's just all day-dreaming. Zen is not for sleeping! Zen is for unifying our Heart and Mind! Zen is for "Being the same page." Is this a radical proposition? Sure it is, but no more so than living a life based on illusions.

May Your Life Go Well,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Capable

Facing my personal and professional challenges, I sometimes feel unsure or uncertain. I have doubts that can spring up or run in my psychological background (appearing silent but not). One result is having the feeling or sense that I may not be capable of meeting my challenges and/or problems well. That "not feeling fully capable," is a powerful way to undermine ourselves, forcing us to be out of sync on the physical, mental and spiritual planes, in which we live.

This reality above brings a recurrent theme which reminds us of how important it is, in having a practice which enables us to harmonize. There is something to be said for weaving zazen into our day-to-day moments, so that we can take notice of the truth that we are capable, competent human beings. Equally important is that we stop digesting the negative messages and self-talk that can make us ill on some deep psychological and emotional levels. It's almost like we can talk ourselves out of being happy with who we are or in being successful.

The combination of Zazen (sitting in unification), positive self-talk, following through on principles, speaking hope and compassion into ourselves, can help us tune-in with ourselves. When we are aligned, there's a kind of [vast] energy where we can feel and clearly notice our interconnectedness. There are no gap, no separation, no fear, no anxiety. Even time can stop moving. It can feel like having a sword that can cut through any challenge or problem that we carry. We can do what ever we need to do, not just to survive, but to fully live.

Knowing that we are fully capable takes energy, time and effort. It requires that we not give up on ourselves. It calls for us to open not just our mind but our heart too. Capable is not just a word in a dictionary that describes something. Capable is more than psychological or mental state from which our life can be lived. Capable is in fact the natural state of the universe Itself, in which we too are included.

Love All - Serve All - Every Single Day,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Caught by the Momentum

The other day, I made a request on twitter that people send in their ideas for blog post topics. It's part of my initiative to open things more and hear what people are interested in. That being said, val_forrestal suggested "We could all use help disengaging from the drama and politics at work." Agreed.

My personal experiences in work place drama and politics is, it's frequently an expression of fear. Fear can be like having an cold, in the sense you can have many symptoms and if you focus just on treating the symptoms, you never touch the disease itself and so it lingers, continually keeping us in a weakened state.

The symptoms are well know and each of us has experienced them many times. Territoriality, rudeness, gossiping, devaluing, approval-seeking, game-playing, overt and covert undermining, avoidance and intimidation to name a few. Because these symptoms can tug and spin us around in gut-level ways, it's easy to get hooked on them because of the emotional response and miss the fear that causes such actions.

Inside or outside of work, when I notice or feel a lot of turbulence, I sometimes visualize a balloon that's about to pop. I ask myself, how can I gently let the air in the balloon, so that it doesn't explode or fly out of control. This is a metaphor that I use that really is following my teachers consistent instruction to "harmonize," with all aspects of my life. I like to remind myself that when it comes to drama and office politics, I need to be responsible for myself. I might be able to influence people, but it's really not my job to control, but manage. There's a difference. The possibility of influencing others has the best results coming by demonstrated integrity.

In Zen Buddhism it often seems that the zafu (meditation cushion) is the place where most of our practice takes place. The simple fact is, "not so." The seat of meditation is anywhere we sit, stand or walk and use every opportunity to practice "staying present," being fully with the moment, seeking harmony (Tao). Personally I have found It's simple but frequently difficult. It's because I can second guess my intuition and feelings, defaulting to strict intellect, forgetting that deciding which to follow doesn't have to be an "either or," situation. Intellect and emotion need be harmonized and balanced, as with the Tao.

The practical example is about 7 years ago, I was working in a marketing department with a supervisor who was always into drama, very political and fairly negative. Emotionally and intellectually, I allowed myself to buy-in and be influenced into fear, because of the endless drama and politics. The fear played itself out with me as anxiety, depression and anger. I was pretty unhappy. I was so emotionally rung-up, I couldn't even make it through a 20 minute sit, because my mind was so distracted and had so much restless energy. I was drowning in unsettled emotion.

One day, on a drive to work, I was listening to a Wayne Dyer audiobook called "There's A Spiritual Solution to Every Problem." He said a lot of things that struck home. But the thing he said that helped me the most was when he said, "I invite you to bring the people that are cause you problems to me. I will counsel them, fix them and you will feel better. Isn't that what your expecting?" That's when I knew, the solution wasn't going to be in my supervisor changing, it was going to be the changes that I made. And that's what I did. I harmonized my intellect and feelings, taking massive action in my life.

Once I took responsibility for myself, replacing a fearful mind with a open-hearted and compassionate mind, things changed for me. I was depressed and angry far less. I could look at people and smile honestly. Options opened up and my happiness expanded even more. I didn't feel like I was suffocating emotionally or intellectually. I stopped being a victim of circumstance.

With experience and time, I know what it takes to effectively live within a place where there is constant drama and politics going on. I've had my intellectual and emotional relapses. But what seems to help is thinking of myself as a kidney dialysis patient. Toxins are always building up in my body and I have to find a way to cleanse my intellectual and emotional blood. The cleansing process comes is a daily activity for me. If I don't practice daily, I can (potentially) get swept away by the negative momentum, regress and start to drown again.

Daily, I practice Zazen mindfulness across all areas of my life. I sit Zazen (sitting to unify mind), but I also am reminding myself to focus on my responsibilities and just "stay," mindful and "present," engaging as little as possible in the drama and politics. I am always pumping positive information into my brain, by the use of regular books and audiobooks. It serves as a powerful counter-weight for the drama and politics that goes on. I also make an effort to eat healthy. Crappy body fuel breeds crappy life interactions.

In closing I would say, no matter where we go, there is always going to be drama and politics. It's unavoidable, even in a church or monastery. But just because it's there, doesn't mean that I have to join in and add to the negativity. I always have a choice. And that choice will ultimately decide how I feel, not only about my work, but what my life means to me as well. We don't have to be caught in by the momentum. We can enter the village with helping hands, assisting and tending to those who are suffering, including ourselves.

May Your Life Go Well,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

The Freedom to Be Okay

Genjo Marinello Osho’s latest published teisho is called, “Rhinoceros Fan,” given at the recent Summer Sesshin (trans. “To gather the Mind) of 2009, held at Dai Bai Zan Cho Bo Zen Ji, in Seattle Washington. Genjo Osho at one point in the teisho describes his experience in a particular Sesshin with Hirano Katsujo Roshi and Genki Takabayashi Roshi in a way that is so ordinary, incredibly subtle yet really breath-taking, if we hear it well.

Genjo Osho relates, “I had a made vow with Dr. Glenn Webb who is the founder of the [Seattle] Zen Center to try and do the whole Sesshin in full lotus. And I remember coming up to a certain sit, we had stretched our legs and we were going back into full lotus and pulling up my outer leg and it wouldn’t go. And it let me know it wouldn’t go, because I let out a yell…. Ouch!!!!!!, in trying to pull it up. It was a little embarrassing but I just knew immediately that’s not happening, the leg’s not going up there, so I went to half lotus and it wasn’t a problem. It just had to be. It couldn’t be any other way, that this was going to be a half lotus sit and not a full lotus sit, and we were only in it a couple of days, so my vow to do Sesshin in full lotus collapsed… out of necessity, which is just fine.

We make these commitments to ourselves and we intend to keep them and that’s good. And then circumstances change and we have to be prepared to go with the circumstances. We have to adapt to the circumstances, as they exist right now.

Transcend the delusive attachments, the deceptive ideas and all kind of entanglements. This is what we are here to do. This is what we are sitting on the cushion to do. These delusive attachments, deceptive ideas and all kinds of entanglements arise like weeds. They are usually defenses of some sort. Even though they may come out as rejections they usually defending our ego state, they are defending our survival. And on that sense these delusive attachments and deceptive ideas and all kinds of entanglements, we have to say gassho, as in thank you or gratitude for trying to protect me and help with my survival.”

On one side of the coin, his words can seem very plain, illustrative and instructive in terms of being an experience with Zen postures having difficulty and changing up to fit what the body needs to us. But there is the other side of that coin… the inside meaning. It’s always something that’s out in the open, but We don’t always notice it.

Speaking plainly, there are times when I am faced with situations or circumstances and I collapse, just like Genjo Osho. But unlike Genjo Osho, it’s not out [always] of necessity, but rather that I feel inconvenienced by it. This can be expressed in many ways for me. Examples are telling myself to give up because something it taking “too long,” Minimizing, procrastination, thinking, feeling and focusing on the “unfairness” of something. The mind is very good sometimes at letting us off the hook when we face things that are not to our taste or liking. Determination and compassion towards ourselves, becomes critical so we can get back up when we fall down, in difficult moments.

Genjo Osho goes on to encourage us to “Be kind and accepting of our very complicated, very primitive, very necessary, attachments deceptive ideas and all kinds entanglements and get to the place in our practice or training where we can say thank you but no thanks, not today… I’ll be okay, I’ll be okay even if I don’t survive.” Eloquent and beautiful like a clear blue sky, no matter what the season.

I encourage you to listen to the entire teisho. He goes much farther, hitting on many other points, offering us our freedom, independence and ability to be okay. After listening, come back (please) and comment your thoughts and feelings, as it may help to benefit and teach me what I and others what I may have missed.

In Gassho,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Arriving In The Present Moment

Given the Independence Day Holiday weekend is here, I thought sharing a video with Thich Nhat Hanh, speaking on aspects of Buddhist practice that can enable us to "Arrive in the Present Moment." Towards that direction, I really enjoyed how he related about how to "stop running from ourselves." I hope that you find a compassion within his sharing that leads you directly home to your True self.



Namaste'

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

No Mystery

During a Sesshin (Intense practice to gather the Mind) at Cho Bo Zen Ji, Genjo Marinello Osho was giving a teisho. He was speaking of how his previous teacher Genki Takabayashi Roshi "There is no mystery [in Zen]." Genjo Osho himself had directly stated, "There is not some secret that is being hidden from us. It's all out, shining and shouting at us from every corner." We just have to learn to see truth, through all of our smoke, fog and mirrors that can distract us.

My personal mystery was, "How could I be given something so amazing as life, where the only possible outcome was that I would lose this gift to something called death." It seemed somehow impossibly cruel and terribly unfair. Adding insult to injury, we also don't get to know the date, time or place where our life will end. I was very afraid to die, because it seemed such a mystery and so unknowable.

It took me from the age of twelve until I was about twenty-one years old just to realize that my psychological response was to create a "Hall of Mirrors and Illusions," better know as "My life." To borrow a Pop-culture metephor, I was living in "The Matrix." The net-result was feeling like there were major parts of life that was a mystery that I wasn't sure that I would be able to solve. It can be a terrible moment to fully see that we've been living in a self-created prison cell and we had in many regards been our own jailer.

Through Zen, I honestly learned that most of what I was seeing and observing was not true but rather stuff that I kind of made up as I went a long, fulfilling a script or narrative that I had built within my mind. It was more like being an actor in a film. I came to see that my "illusions" couldn't be solved, if for no other reason that they're not real. That might seem like an odd thing to say, but if you don't understand it now, we will "Over time."

When I say overtime I mean to say, think of a one gallon glass jar, filled with clean pure water. It looks clear and beautiful, especially when the sunlight passes through it. That's the state of our mind when we are very small. Everything is open and accessible. As we get older (teens, early-middle and late adulthood) we not only pour dirt in the jar, diminishing the clarity, but we have the nerve to stick our hand inside and stir things up, with our anxiety, negative feelings, self-centered patterns of behavior and other problems of life. It can seem like the sunlight has no way to penetrate this dense muddied water.

When we remove our hand from the jar (applying The Eightfold Path, The Ten Precepts, etc...), stop pouring dirt in the jar and just sit-sit-sit, the natural force of gravity allows the dirt to sink to the bottom our the jar and as time passes, the natural clarity of the water is revealed. It was always there. There never was any mystery to our life. It was just muddied by our deluded mind and actions. It was never hidden or hiding from us. It was Just right there all the time.

Zen Buddhism is not a philosophy, theory, wishful thinking, fantasy. Zen Buddhism a practice that enables the process of waking ourselves from a kind of sleep or self-hypnotic state. Zen Buddhism is completely knowable and attainable. The price however is resolute practice in The Way of No Mystery.

In Gassho,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Mercy

Last evening I saw one of my friends. He told me about a situation where someone had done a deeply serious wrong to him and his family. It was a really terrible act and now the court case is soon to arrive. He expressed how he had a lot of mixed feelings and how it left him confused. He asked me what I thought. Instantly looking him directly in the eyes, I replied "Show and be mercy, that could be Your choice."

My friend said, "I hadn't thought of that." Tears began to fall and I gave his a hug. He said, "Most people told me, revenge and wanting the person to be dead was okay. Other people said, pray other the situation but it felt passive to me. That I might be able to find mercy within me, reminds me that I'm human. Thank you for that."

Later my friend asked, "How did you know to tell me what I needed to hear?" I replied that I didn't, but then I shared about my time as a child I was very seriously abused by someone related to me. I told him about the rage, anger and desire for revenge that consumed me, later expressing itself in drug (including alcohol) addiction. And then I related that despite all of that so-called justified anger and rage, the only way that I personally was able to find any sense of relief was by over-time, counseling and Zen to take that hurt and suffering, dissolve it, allowing mercy and the compassion to emerge within my life.

In my experience it's easy for me to give way to my anger and rage, when an injustice occurs. It instantly hooks our attention. It takes strong effort and time for me to go the other way, swimming upstream against the current of our basic emotions, not just saying the word "Mercy," but to embrace physically, emotionally and spiritually what that word actually Is. It can be a terrible thing to become a prisoner in our own mind and heart. I find it better that we find a way to be free and emotionally and spiritually awake and open to this Life. The ability to show "Mercy," is a great gift.


Namaste'

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO