Cutting the Anchors that Would Kill us

Each of us has had something that has haunted us, either a little or a lot. It's a feeling something that anchors us to a past event, yet somehow we manage to relive it in the present moment. We can easily remember and think of the event, but in the wider vista are the feelings that we have which are associated with that difficult moment, making it so hard to cut-loose and "let go." When we can't let go, it can "seem" extremely difficult to move forward and "Stay," in the present moment of what's really happening in front of our face.

When I was in my early teens, I had a series of moments where I was abused by someone in ways that one might think of as "significant." The trauma living within my mind for a long time. If fact it took me a long time to see that the events had caused me to get stuck on anger. The resulting symptoms were depression, mistrust, isolation, fear, exacerbation of drug addiction and several other negative emotions. The reason for this was as I said, I was stuck and couldn't locate the emotional "reset," button.

By the time I was twenty, I was pretty much in a steady state of being suicidal, the only thing that really varied day-to-day was my temperature towards wanting to do it. What got me to "reset," and "reboot" myself psychologically and emotionally was cutting the chains that where anchoring me to that moment in time, which was progressively draining the life out of my in many ways. As it turns out it was fair easier than I initially expected. The hardest barrier wasn't other people-places or things, it was me.

There a old Zen story that I have a strong connection with. Two Chinese monks, one senior and one junior where heading back to their temple, when they came upon a swollen river. With the recent rains, fast running water and no bridge, it was going to make a difficult crossing. They began looking up and down the river bank for an easier place to cross, when they discovered a young woman trying to do the same. Seeing her plight, when they located what they thought was the easiest place to cross, the senior monk placed her on his back and waded across. Once to the other side, he put her down, they bowed and she headed towards her village and the monks continued on to their temple. As they walked the junior monk was thinking, thinking, thinking about what happened. Eventually he worked himself up so much he stopped in the middle of the road and started yelling at the senior monk. He screamed, "You are a monk! You allowed yourself to be touched by a woman! You have broken your vow, what is wrong with You!?! How could You do such a thing?" The senior monk, turning to face his junior, looked at him and said, "I left that girl back there by the rivers edge, why is it that You are still carrying her?" The senor monk turned and continued on.

To continue forward without restriction the monk simply set the young woman down. It was okay... No problem... Cut, release and let go... As for us we have our own baggage which we can set down too. I know, from personal experience, this is not so easy, but it can be simple. Please know that it's not painful things which have happened in our life that define us, but what comes after that does. What defines us is how we either learn to live forward or manage to stay tangled in a moment that no longer exists. Time moves on, but sometime we don't.

How I started cutting anchors to the past was by literally doing pretty much everything differently. I'd want to isolate from people, so instead I'd intentionally find people to spend time with. I would be depressed and I'd go to the movies. I noticed that every movie that I saw had a person with a challenge and you got to visually see how they came to a resolution with it. They were great metaphors. When I wanted to stay in bed and hide under the covers, I would force myself up and out the door, refusing to entertain the feelings of depression. You know what happens to a person who focuses on their depression or unhappiness? They stay depressed, because that's all we might be paying attention to, at the time.

In neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), actions that go against the grain of old negative-habit behavior is called a pattern interruption. These things are really helpful at cutting the chain that belongs to the anchor which has been weighing us down and perhaps killing us emotionally and psychologically. As Tony Robbins says, "Think of it as scratching a record. You scratch it enough, the old message will never play the same way again." In doing so, we get to go free.

Some people might say, "What does NLP have to do with Zen? The Buddha didn't teach NLP." I'd ask, "Are You really sure about that?" Gotama Buddha taught a very beautiful language for the mind, so that we could be free. Buddha's have the good sense to use all means necessary, so that we could wake up and See and Feel clearly. People are always looking to relics of the past, to say that was what Buddha taught and these modern tools don't have any relation. Bull! That kind of thinking is just another artificial barrier and trap. We don't have to live in that. We can move on and forward, absorb and incorporate.

Zen Buddhism enables us to cut anchors which limit, kill and drag down our mind, so that we can unify our heart. Remember, there is no silver bullet. There are an array of tools and means that can help us, cut though, so that we can see clearly. Yes, tradition is tradition, but not always so.

Sharing A Moment of Gratitude,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Kensho

Yesterday, I made a comment regarding "Kensho," (a moment of awakening or ceasing to be deluded) to some friends. It was something that I've felt but never stated before, feeling it might be bad form. It's almost been turned into a dirty word, despite Gotama's unyielding encouragement to cease being deluded and come to Awakening, even moments before his death. But after mulling it over, I thought I should discuss it here on digitalZENDO too. Avoiding talking about Kensho, does not make us virtuous or spiritual. Maybe it's the contrary, it perhaps avoiding a direct conversation that could be valuable.

What I shared with them yesterday was, "The true concern (regarding Zen in America) could be directed towards the quality of the message transmitted. A great example is that in Japan, there are many Buddhist, but on a certain scale, it's a kind of "family," business. It's lost the initial freshness, in certain quarters, it's a little stale. My own teacher, Genjo Marinello Osho doesn't guide me towards "Maybe," kensho or to be a priestly businessman. It's a unswerving and progressive effort towards "full awakening," at the same time, learning to be helpful as possible to others, without thought to how I might personally benefit. Anything aiming for less than that target is settling. I recall the story of one of Bodhidharma's students that wanted Kensho so badly, he was willing to cut off his own arm, to study with him. We on the other hand have trouble sitting consistently because Zazen might get in the way of watching "Survivor, The Swan," or "Top Chef." Too funny. Our efforts can be more than a little weak."

Going a little further, in training not just with Genjo Osho, but Eido Shimano Roshi too, they have never suggested or offered me a surrender or capitulation for something less that "Dai Kensho," (Great Awakening). It was never like they said, "Okay... that's enough, You can relax now. Maybe next time... Maybe in the next life, perhaps You'll get It then. Just settle for being a little happier... perhaps be a little nicer person. Be good to Your Wife and Kids. Be a nice guy."

What I have heard from Genjo Osho has been quite the reverse. "Good one, but not quite there Yet... ring, ring, ring. Go straight ahead... ring, ring, ring. Not yet complete, come back again another time... ring, ring, ring. I can understand that... ring, ring, ring. Hmmmmmm... ring, ring, ring. What are You waiting for?... ring, ring, ring. Who are You expecting to show up?... ring, ring, ring. Give It Your all, hold nothing back... ring, ring, ring. Turn It this way... ring, ring, ring. Do not waste the sacrifices others have made for You to be Here... ring, ring, ring." We have laughed and cried together, but He's never said, "Okay... enough... stop!"

Why did We come to Buddhism? If You're thinking "I'm not really sure, I have my doubts about enlightenment. I felt like I couldn't live up to the rules of other religions and was always going to be a sinner/failure. I basically felt doomed to failure-given that humans always seem to fail. Buddhism gives me a sliver of hope that I could possibly do something good for myself and I just might somehow succeed. That line of thinking is okay, but know it's okay to let it go too. You won't sink.

Years ago, my family and I went to Disneyland. It took a lot of time, effort and saving to get there, but we suceeded, so that we could "do It right." Once there, it was so amazing and beautiful, not even I could beleive how good the experience was. At one point, my daughter was afraid to go on some of the rides or thought some of the lines were too long. I asked here, "You came all this way, why are You here?" She replied back, to "to play and have fun." And so she did and remembers it as one of the high points of her life, because she held nothing back.

Our Buddha nature is exactly the same as Gotama's Buddha Nature. I used to spend a lot of time doubting that. With deep gratitude to my teachers, Genjo Osho and for that Eido Roshi, I don't any more. The neat thing, I've constantly learning and deepening my feeling and relationship with Buddha Nature. My growth is far from over, and still we can see so much. Beginningless beginning, Endless end. That's the best that I can say, for now.

May All Beings Be Free,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

All My Mistakes

Soen Nakagawa Zenji once said, "See everything with hara, not just the eyes." The hara or some call it the tanden is located about 1 to 2 inches below the belly button. That is where our so-called center is. That is the location where Mind can be opened and connected too. Seeing is not going to happen in the so-called head.

In learning to see with the hara, rather than the eyes has the capacity to change how we see ourselves and our life. When I'm seeing from my hara, It alters how I feel, react and behave. I sometimes notice it as "true seeing."

Tuesday evening I was coming home and came upon a busy two-way stop. When it was my turn to go a woman on the other side stomped on the gas (I assume she was in a rush), cutting me off and almost running into my car. We both had to stop. Despite my having the right of way, she and a gentleman in the truck with her started yelling at me and throwing paper and other things out their car window. They looked and seemed really angry. At first I didn't say or do anything other than stop. I actually felt neutral and was waiting for them to continue on. I didn't see the need in getting stuck in anger over a simple traffic mis-negotiation. But they continued to carry on, yelling and throwing plastic cups, paper and things out their car window. Eventually, though I didn't feel mad and without thinking, I gave them the middle finger, looked at them quizzically and they moved on. I hope Guitei wasn't disappointed in me.

As I continued on, I felt a little startled by my behavior. I mentally scanned myself and didn't sense or locate anger towards the people, yet almost like the involuntary response of a doctor tapping my knee with a mallet and leg bouncing up, I gave them the finger. I literally asked myself, "What was that? What part of me seeing that moment, everyday mind or Awakened mind?" Though I continued to feel neutral about the people, I didn't feel neutral about my reaction.

In truth, despite years of practice I can still be surprised at what I see or learn about myself. It feels like there's plenty left to explore, as I practice moving things from my "head," down to my "hara." It's okay that I need to do that. I am not yet complete.

In clsoing there's a song that I like very much called, "All my mistakes." At one point the lyrics go...

"I was born in the goodness of grace.
And because of faith, because of courage, because of forgiveness,
All my mistakes have become masterpieces.

And there comes a time,
You must stay in the moment while your heart's still bleedin'.
And there comes a time
When you must walk away though your heart's still beatin'."

I do ineed hope that all my mistakes to become masterpieces, learning to see things from my hara, instead of my everyday eyes.

Love All, Serve All, Every Single Day,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

The Lions Roar

This morning as I picked up my mobile device, it flashed a message. "Senator Ted Kennedy dies at age 77." I'm a hopeful person, but I have to admit, that my heart sank, for a moment and my eyes teared. When ever I heard that Kennedy voice, calling us to action, my heart would lift and I would think and feel, what can I do to make things better not just for myself but others. He truly possessed, "The Lions Roar," and guide us forward.

To Senator Kennedy's credit, He clearly saw This moment coming. Perhaps evidence was when he contacted the Governor of Massachusetts, encouraging him to locate a replacement for him, as quickly as possible. A moment of selflessness, thinking of those who must carry on without his physical presence. An example of bravery and someone who had conquered shadows of a previous life, clearly Seeing and Being.

His Holiness The Dalai Lama once said, "In today's highly interdependent world, individuals and nations can no longer resolve many of their problems by themselves. We need one another. We must therefore develop a sense of universal responsibility... It is our collective and individual responsibility to protect and nurture the global family, to support its weak members, and to preserve and tend to the environment in which we all live." This expression could easily be expressed more simply as "Live as a Buddha is meant to Live."

With great diligence Senator Kennedy worked in This Way, fearlessly... ceaselessly... courageously... driven forward by a mind filled with unending hope, confidence and trust not only in the future, but This eternal Now. It's our time. We MUST pick-up and carry his vow forward... to the end. That is our both our individual and collective responsibility, to each other.

In closing, once again the words of Senator Kennedy become clearly appropriate and filled with unending grace. He said...

"I am a part of all that I have met
To much is taken, much abides
That which we are, we are --
One equal temper of heroic hearts
Strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield."

For me, a few hours ago, this campaign came to an end.

For all those whose cares have been our concern, the work goes on, the cause endures, the hope still lives, and the dream shall never die. "

Sleep well Ted Kennedy and let us work, until our work is done, fulfilling the great vow which is the breath of life which have all been given. No the dream shall never die, nor the Lions roar that calls us to unify all Being.

Yours In Dharma,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Ising of Being Zen

In the "The Three Pillars of Zen," Hakuun Yasutani Roshi said, "The mind of the Buddha is like water that is calm, deep, and crystal clear, and upon which 'the moon of truth' reflects fully and perfectly. The mind of the ordinary man, on the other hand, is like murky water, constantly being churned by the gales of delusive thought and no longer able to reflect the moon of truth. The moon nonetheless shines steadily upon the waves, but as the waters are roiled, we are unable to see its reflection. Thus we lead lives that are frustrating and meaningless...

So long as the winds of thought continue to disturb the water of our self nature, we cannot distinguish truth from untruth. It's imperative, therefore, that these winds be stilled. Once they abate, the waves subside, the muddiness clears, and we perceive directly that the moon of truth has never ceased shining. The moment of such realization is kensho, enlightenment, the apprehension of the true substance of our self-nature. Unlike moral or philosophical concepts, which are variable, true Insight is imperishable."

All my life, I've been practicing Zen, whether I was aware of It or not. My life has been one of making the effort to unify my sense of purpose, experiences and feelings, so that I can experience seamless of Being. No inside. No outside. Just... This. So-called This isn't some special state or being disconnected from "Everyday," life. Actually It's quite the reverse. This is just being fully engaged... merged... harmonized... honest... with This moment. It's in those moments that I have a feeling or sense that This moment cannot be improved upon. It's just A-okay.

I noticed This "A-okay," today when I was filling out the papers for my daughters High School. As I wrote in answers, my daughter was asking me why I made certain responses and we merged. No pretending. Just honest. Before she left to get on the bus, she gave the expression, "I'm glad You see me as me." No divided mind, just Being, "A-okay."

Buddha Dharma as Yasutani Roshi said is not for sometime later in our lives or after we transition from This life. Buddha Dharma is for Now and forever, "the Time Being." We can rest our mind in This truth. When we are fully harmonized there's no restrictions in our life whatsoever, just the "Ising of Being Zen." Practice Well.

With a Warm Mind,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Inattentive

Last night on the news I heard a terrible story of how a man killed a John & Joy Ward, their 14 year old daughter Sarah and a second child was left in critical condition, after he crashed in to them because of inattentive driving. I went to DelawareOnline and read what was available on the story. I was left asking myself, "what do they mean by inattentive? Was the driver text messaging? Was he changing the radio station? Was he talking to his girlfriend on the phone?" Just to say "inattentive," is so vague.

In reading the story, I had the feeling of an ocean wave, hitting the shore and erasing a sand castle. It hurt to think about what had happened only 20 minutes from my house. One moment really can change every thing. One moment can really change every thing. One moment can really change every thing, between the time that we shut our eyes and then re-open them. Impermanence.

At "Great Plum Mountain - Listening to the Dharma" Zen Temple in Seattle, Washington - regularly there is chanting and dedications made to the deceased. In particular it's said;

"One stream of a valley
Pours the ambrosial nectar
Then thousand peaks of pine
Strike the Dharma Drum.

On this 24th Day of August 2009
Offering incense and pure water
(or just a warm, open-hearted, loving thought)
With Dai Segaki chanking
Let us dedicate to John, Joy and Sara Ward

All know and unknown decease Dharma
brothers and sisters.

May the Sun of wisdom shine
brighter and brighter,

And may we all cease wandering
In the darkness of ignorance.

Let True Dharma continue
Universal Sangha Relations
Become Complete."

In closing today I strong chant and pray that the Ward's 8 year old daughter completely as possible lives and heals. She deserves This life, she has earned It. We practice Zen so that there is more kindness, love and compassion in the world, not less. We make our best effort, even when we may not think we have it, because there is nothing else we can do. We cannot afford to be inattentive to This life or This moment.

Namu Dai Bosa,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Buddha in the Closet

It's been said that there are certain groups of people who live, "In the closet." To my understanding it can be painful, mostly because there are a lot of inherent contradictions. A person lives one way, but inside there's a completely different world. The question naturally arises, "Who is the real one? Is it the person inside or outside the closet?"

Everyone has Buddha Nature (Awakened Mind), yet so often we keep it in the closet too. As we shoe-horn it into our closet, we too can develop many problems for ourselves. Many gaps. Many fractures. Divisions are created where none actually exist. We have This "Awakened Mind," that is beautiful, radiant, vast, seamless... completely complete. How tragically comical that we throw a blanket over it and hide ourselves from the Buddha Nature that 100% belongs to us. Wow!

Cats are always cats, dogs always dogs, trees always trees, water always water, Buddha always Buddha. Even a piece of paper is still essentially a tree, no matter how You transform It. It cannot be otherwise.

When I stuffed my Buddha Nature in the closet, there was an interesting result. For a time, I became a ghost. I couldn't see, hear, touch or feel "right." As a ghost the only thing I could sense or feel is "greed, anger and delusion." There was a lot of behavior that demonstrated an unsound mind. There were times that I'd be incredibly selfish, isolate, moody, angry, depressed, have low self-esteem, obsessed, frightened, arrogant, remote... and so many other things. The simple result was being "Emotionally unavailable." Buddha Nature in the closet caused the lines of communication to go busy. Ghost cannot fully feel, because of a wall of delusion that accompanies such a state of non-being.

Zen practice is a lot like the story of "Sleeping Beauty." We're imprisoned in a kind of psychological, emotional and spiritual sleep. It's the sustained effort of Zen practice that becomes our Prince Charming and wakes us from sleep. It's our Zen practice that if we "Hold nothing back," can show us we are something very much more than a ghost.

If we are to have a sound mind, we have to bring our Buddha Nature out of the "closet." We must stop dividing ourselves into two people. We have to be It... touch It... feel It... practice It.... There is no gap. There is no distance. There is no lack of love and compassion. It's only a Buddha in the closet that makes us think otherwise. No matter what You do, don't quit on knowing This for Yourself.

May Your Life Go Well,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Passing Counterfeit Zen

In the Dhammapada's translation by Eknath Easwaran, in the introduction there part of a paragraph that reads, "Instead of seeing life as a flux, we insist on seeing what we want it to be, a collection of things and experiences with the power to satisfy. Instead of seeing our personality as it is-an impermanent process-we cling to what we want it to be, something real and separate and permanent... From this comes suffering, the frustration and suffering that are the human condition." This harmonizes very well with my post yesterday about Genjo Marinello Osho's teisho, Buddha's One Language.

In my life, I tend to suffer most when I have a fixed idea on how something is "supposed," to be rather than harmonizing with it as it is. When people, places and things don't live up to the painting or image that I've drawn in my mind, I can feel very hurt... limited... cut off... less than. And all because my expectation was not matched.

In my day-to-day practice, I've learned to dissolve some of my expectations, letting people-places and things be what they are, without my grandiose interference. People, places and things don't always need my editorial imprint. Day to day challenges and life are variable. There's a reason for that. What is yes today might be no tomorrow, depending on the circumstances that "I" create in my mind. Having the intellectual and behavioral flexibility to commune with this fact doesn't come easy for most of us.

Once I was talking with Eido Shimano Roshi about something. I gave him a particular answer and he said "Okay." The next day I went back. We had pretty much the same conversation. I gave him the same answer and he said, "No." I asked him, "Why was it okay yesterday but somehow wrong today?" Eido Roshi looked at me for a moment and then rang the bell which meant "leave."

Exiting the room, my face turned hot and a realized I was mad. I was thinking "He's not playing fair, that was crap, how could he say no?" By the time I got back to my sitting place in the zendo, I knew what happened. It wasn't about him, it was about me. The day before, my mind and body feel harmonized and seamless. It felt like there were no gaps or edges. But the next day I went back and though my voice said "Yes," my sitting, walking and bowing all said "No." I had tried to hold on to the glimpse that I had from the day before, but came up kind of short. I went in to see Eido Roshi half-hearted and he knew it. Zen practice is not being "Memorex, but really Real." I was mad because He caught trying to pass "Counterfeit Zen." Busted! I later went back and apologized. He laughed and nodded.

Zen is about "This" moment, not so-called "That" moment. Zen is about This very breath, not the breath I took 24 hours ago. I have a friend named Bo who once told me, "We can only enter a room as new, once. Don't try to hold on to the newness of the experience or else the experience of the room cannot grow and expand into something else that can be useful to You." Put another way, If I try to hold on to a past feeling that I had about You and project it into this next encounter, I kill the present moment that I'm having here and now, with You. After that, anything is that moment is just, "Passing counterfeit Zen."

We can encouage each other to be authtentic. We can encouage each other to be Open-hearted. We can encouage each other to be fully present in This moment and no other. But we have to do the leg and footwork not to pass Counterfeit Zen.

May All Beings Be Happy & Free,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Don't Skip Any Steps

Genjo Marinello Osho, Abbot of Chobo-ji gave a beautiful teisho entitled, "Buddha's One Language." This talk is on Case 95 of the Hekiganroku, and it involes the one true language of Buddha. Though relatively short in duration (about 30 minutes), I found that what Genjo Osho expressed went far longer than 30 minutes my mind. To paraphrase his own expression, It's like shaking a snow globe. Every time that We shake it, "We see or notice something else."

One of those something else's for me that has held my focus the last day or two is when he clearly and cleanly say, "Don't skip steps." More precisely he shows, "Run quickly past the place where there is no Buddha. No Buddha is much harder to come to. And when we've encountered It, we don't want to leave... No Buddha, no Dharma, no Sangha, no form. No mouth, no ears, no eyes, no nose, no tongue, no body, Muuuuuuuuuuuuu. Even where Mu is exhausted. This is no Buddha, no Dharma, no Sangha, penetrating past the outward myriad forms and experiencing personally and thoroughly no Buddha, no Mind, no Heart, no Purpose, no Way. But even if You realize cellular-ly through and through, if You were to stop there, weeds will grow like a jungle, says Engo's introduction.

It's true that if You stop there weeds will grow like a jungle. You cling to emptiness... or You cling to Your experience of no Mind and no Buddha... even no Mu. But It's a step that cannot be skipped, anymore than the ritual or the form or the gratitude to the ancestors or the chanting or the sweeping the floor or preparing meal the can be skipped. Or zazen can be skipped. Or learning the ritual of the bowls can be skipped. It cannot. Totally necessary. But if you get stuck there..."

For me his expression is like winning the lottery. Genjo Osho's teisho radiates and shows everything, especially the point that there are a great many things in our lives that are not to be skipped. Sometimes we cruise though situations and other times we have to grind it out. Either way the easy or the difficult should not be skipped. It's like dancing. As we move, 1-2-3, 1-2-3, 1-2-3 not 3-7-1-6-8-2. Skipping details and points can often bring painful results, because we bypass what can be most essential.

Internalizing Genjo Osho's words, I find myself compelled. No skipping on my practice. No skipping on my family. No skipping our on my friends. No skipping out on my responsibilities. No skipping, no skipping, no skipping. Just moving straight ahead, the best I can, with mindful follow-through.

The complete Teisho on "Buddha's One Language" can be listened to online or found in the iTunes music store under Choboji Media, in the Buddhism section. Either way it's free and available to You. If and when You listen, please come back here and comment. We can all learn form what You notice and see. No skipping any steps.

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Do We Really Want Change?

At least 5 days a week, I encounter people who vocally state that they want to make serious changes in their life. They can tell you how much they've been suffering, what's going wrong in their life, even have tears streaming down their face, 100% desperate to make their life better. Their life in some way, shape or form is in flames. My heart goes out to them, because I can definitely related to their suffering.

Despite all the vocalized suffering on their part, there's something odd that happens at a high rate of frequency. People say they want to change, but resist the measures required for change. In fact I've gotten this down to such a science, that I can pretty much tell people who are going to cause trouble for themselves. There's a tale-tale indicator. They don't follow directions. It's as simple as that.

In the world of psychology the behavior is so common that in psychology there's a term for it. Reaction formation. It means doing the opposite of what you are saying or initially intended. It's the most basic form of self-defeating behavior.

If our intention is to truly succeed in our lives, our thinking and behavior have to align. We have to harmonize both, otherwise we end up in an unending pattern of failure that will ultimately erode positive self-belief and self-esteem.

The thing is that the patients where I work are not alone in this behavior. I'm at home working on something it's 9:00pm and I say, "no night-time snacking." When I said it, I really meant it, but as I'm cruising through the kitchen last night, I noticed Debra made some Cinnamon swirl muffins. Guess what happened? Reaction formation. The mind is not steady or stable to follow through. There's no such thing as a little pregnant or a "little," snacking. There will be consequences.

So what could a solution be, to reaction formation? Accountability, not just to self, but others. I have a friend who is an exercise/healthy advocate on twitter. They periodically ask or mention "did you work out, did you follow through?" That accountability is helpful because it says, "You're not doing this alone." Just by asking the question, has gotten me on the elliptical trainer, simply because I didn't want to come back and say, "No." We need the help and support of people in all areas of our life.

The other part of the answer is simply "Following directions." Friends and people who are there to care for us, don't give us instructions so that we can hurt ourselves. The instructions are there to help. Genjo Marinello Osho says, "I think You need to sit some more." If I ignore the direction, what does the behavior say? If there's a road sign that says 50MPH and I blow by it as 60MPH, what am I asking for. When I'm in the office and given a direction or instruction on another what is being said is, "We have a system, this can be easy for you, you don't have to figure things out or reinvent the with. Just go with this." If I don't "go with the instructions," I can easily cause problems and conflict.

In terms of recovery form addiction, people are always asking me what the secret is. I tell them, "You stop getting high." They say, "No I've tried that, it didn't work for me. What's the real answer? Then I respond, "You stop getting high, go to meetings and follow their instructions on stopping to get high." For some reason they walk-away unhappy. We don't have to make change hard for ourselves, but we do. Maybe we're addicted to the drama, who knows.

In our lives, if we really want change, we have to genuinely do something to help ourselves. It's not enough to complain, be sad, frustrated or whatever else. Change means change. It means asking for help and then following the instructions. We have to give of ourselves, if we really want change.

Unify Your Heart,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Taking Care of Our Mind

About every two weeks the lawn needs to be mowed at my house. If left without being taken care of, it feels crowded, unkempt, unfinished, out of place, not done. It can be relationship and a process that doesn't seem to end. Without the care, tending to and nurturing, the harmony with the living space can be broken.

Work at my office is the same way. There can be a great many things that need to be attended too. Each item needs... requires... its own specialized form of attention. Each item has its own shape and size, with some parts of the process seeming small and insignificant, while others are big, important, having the capacity to suck the oxygen out of a room. Big or small, it's best not to skip steps, remembering that each activity is in the end important and of value.

With myself, I have a lot of things that need attending to as well, just like the home, just like the office. The place that I spend a lot of time tending to is my mind. If my head's not on straight and I'm neglecting self-care, I feel off balance, out of sorts, out of sync. When I'm not attending to my mind, the results are often feeling awkward, being moody, sullen, anxiety, distracted, remote, unmeasured, or just plain "off my game" and not mindful. I make far more mistakes than usual.

Getting to a place where we're not attending to our mind can happen in ways too numerous to count. Focusing on how we got stuck or why we strayed from taking care of ourselves may not be important as re-engaging in the process. I am fond of encouraging myself and others to focus on the solution, not problem. What has gone wrong has already gone wrong. There's no need to compound it.

This might be a good time to say, when I'm feeling off course with home-work-self, I've been learning to stop haranguing myself. Beating up on oneself doesn't do a lot of good and can in fact be counter-productive. Developing and offering ourselves positive encouragement... patience... kindness... compassionate determination... can in and of itself be an act of an Awakened Mind. We learn to be our own friend, instead of defeating ourselves, bombarded by our own negative thinking and actions. Should I remind that Gotama Buddha said, "What we think, we become" all day long.

Attending... attention... practicing... working with our mind, making small and incremental improvements. That's okay. It's not just our goals that define us but how we live our journey and what we do with our life-force.

In closing today, there's chapter called, "The Wise," in the Dhammapada (Lamp of the Truth) Eknath Easwaran translation relates that, Gotama Buddha shared, "As interrogators lead water where they want, as archers make their arrows straight, as carpenters carve wood, the wise shape their minds.

As a solid rock cannot be moved by the wind, the wise are not shaken by praise or blame. When they listen to the words of the Dharma, their mind become calm and clear like the waters of a still lake." This encouragement to take care of our mind can serve us well.

Namaste'

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Beyond Doubt

In the "Book of Zen Master Rinzai Gigen Zenji," resides one my favorite passages which inspires me. Rinzai said, "Do you know where the disease lies which keeps you learners from reaching [true understanding]? It lies where you have no faith in your Self. When faith in your Self is lacking you find yourselves hurried by others in every possible way. At every encounter you are no longer your master; you are driven about by others this way and that."

Every time I read and reflect on these words, It's like the thunder that shakes the earth, because I so intimately know this sense of doubt. In another part of the Rinzai's book he said, "A doubt in your mind hardens itself like earth, and prevents your mind from thinking [feeling] freely."

Personally I cannot tell You how many times in the past that I have experienced doubt in myself, in my ability, in my worthiness to have this life. The sense of self-doubt can express itself and show up in many places in my life... if I'm not mindful.

In my teens and early twenties doubt was expressed in addictive drug use (including alcohol). In a wider range of my life anxiety, depression and anger was its expression. The relationship that I had with myself and others felt very disjointed. It was almost like a fear someone would someday walk up to me and say "You're a fake human being, You're not qualified to be here, get out, leave." During that time it was a pretty crippling experience, as I look back, because the self doubt bled into every aspect of my life. Hindsight is 20/20.

Doubt interestingly enough is what drove me to a spiritual solution. It's not something that came intellectually, but rather evinced Itself as an intuitive solution in resolving self-doubt. I will quickly remind that I translate the word "Zen," as "To unify Mind." This has been my path and this is my purpose, to Unify Mind. Though this can be done many ways, I've found a strong affinity for practicing Zen every where in my life. More directly Zazen (Sitting in Unification) on the sitting cushion, confronting myself, dissolving my doubts and silliness has allowed me to to something much more than survive. Zen has allowed me to Live and for that I'm grateful.

If I said to You, "We are Buddha (Awakened Mind) Itself," somewhere inside You will probably doubt me, cause you're not exactly feeling that way. Hell, I used to doubt that all the time too, despite years and years of practice. But despite the doubt and the lack of feeling It, that doesn't mean that it isn't true. It just means we are not understanding it.

When I used to study music, my teacher said, there are 3 distinct phases of development, not just in music but life as well. She said, "The 3 stages are 1) imitation, 2) assimilation and 3) Innovation." She went on to explain, "Imitation is where you basically pretend. Your going to do as I do. you'll hold the bow and violin as I hold it, play exactly as I play, move exactly as I move. There will be no deviation. With assimilation, You will build a comfort level and have made friends not just with the violin but the one who holds it. Eventually You won't just play the music, the music will play You and You'll really feel it, if You don't give up. Innovation is where You so fully embody not just the violin but music itself that You will find ways to express it that might look magical to others, but it's just being at home with You true self. Everything will be music."

When she said that I told myself, "She's nuts." Turns out that she wasn't. I needed to move through the stages to fully feel, understand and know what she meant. So too with our Zen practice and unifying with our Awakened Mind. It's not "Out there," somewhere else. It's right here, who we are all the time. And for me that's beyond doubt, thanks to the unrelenting guidance of my loving teacher. How about You?

Love All - Serve All - Every Single day,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Coming Home to Compassion

This morning I wanted to share this 7 minute video from Upaya Zen Center, titled "Coming Home to Compassion." It's a very moving expression on the day-to-day life at the Center. Though no words are spoken (there's a beautiful music track, so make sure your volume is on), it has a way of casting sense of happiness and compassion. I hope that you enjoy it.





May Your Life Go Well,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Death of Civility

There's been a lot of press lately about "Town Halls Gone Wild." We see and hear a lot of rudeness, screaming, shoving, cruelty, self-righteousness and a few now carrying guns to some of the Town Hall meetings. When we lose civility, it seems that circumstances can then go bad, quickly.

From what I've seen in the press, its been an interesting reflection of what I experience in day-to-day life. It's the "Death of civility." We do something nice like hold a door, let someone into traffic in front of us, extend a smile or offer help in some other way that is quite genuine and the person just goes on by acting as though we where never even there. In fact it can be worse. We can be placed in situations where it seems like the principles of common human respect and kindness are dropped all-together. People can be easily be run over by others intentionally, because the goal is more important that the people that we move towards the goal with.

It can be so easy to get sucked in and "play the game," getting emotionally hooked by what seems wrong, unjust or unfair. We can sense or feel that we've been run into walls or barriers, resulting in us feeling a little frustrated. But if we dispense with our own sense of compassion and civility, what are we ourselves projecting and sharing in our lives?

Please allow me to widen the context and remind us of what we already know, yet often forget. Life is rare. We *really* do float in the vast and boundless ocean of space, at this very moment. We ride on a single planet, circling a perfectly positioned Sun, moving in a virtual shooting gallery of objects that go in and out of our Solar System. On top of all that, consider everything that had to go right in our family history, so that we can be here now in this moment. Our ancestors survived, disease, famine, war, natural disaster, dangers and many other things. It doesn't matter if we believe God or evolution created us because, either way we have a single point of origin. We are truly miracles. There's zero exaggeration in that statement.

Zen is "Unification," not fancy theories and contemplating our belly button. True Zen is Civility, harmonizing and not letting "Any-thing" go to waste. This is a the responsibility that we have to each other, because All being in interconnected. We cannot afford to leave our integrity and civility on life support. Our mind and actions, can and must breath life into It.

There's an old expression that goes, "Anger (incivility) is like picking up hot coals at attempting to throw them at another person. In the process of doing so, we burn ourselves." I will do my best to remember and focus on that Truth. My personal focus today will be directed towards nurturing the seeds of civility that is me, not allowing them to die.

In Deepest Gratitude,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Addiction

I've been listening to Pema Chodron's book recently called "Noble Heart." Yesterday, I heard her say something that kind of stopped me in my tracks. She said, "We sometimes make the mistake of looking for strength in that which weakens us." It can be very hard to admit, but the reality is that it can indeed be very true.

When we go back, again, again and again to things that weaken us, somehow thinking it's bringing us safety or comfort, that's generally called an addiction. And where ever there's addiction, no matter how big or how small, there's unsoundness in thinking, feeling and actions. That unsoundness can keep us in a vicious, self-defeating cycle that force us to undermine ourselves, erode our self-esteem and interfere with our internal compass, leaving us off coarse and in some instances adrift.

I've been reflecting on that as I slept last night and woke up with it this morning. I've been asking myself, "How can I notice or detect symptoms of an my addiction?" This is an important question, because we tend to mislead ourselves into thinking we are putting out the fire of some painful feelings or problems and yet we are really adding gasoline to fire.

As it turns out, the answer appears fairly simple. Anything that I'm doing repeatedly that closes my heart, resulting in physical, mental and/or spiritual isolation is evidence of the addiction. At this point, I should mention that contrary to common thinking , people hooked by addiction are not "bad," people. Being "bad," is not the issue. It's really about being hooked, in a deep way that can difficult to verbalize or define, which overcomes healthy logic and intuition. We are hiding under wooden tables, thinking that is going to protect us from the nuclear bombs in our life. To live past what weakens, undermines and makes us sick, we have to locate a better solution than trying to hide.

How do we stop giving ourselves to the things that drain our energy, time and our heart? That answer comes very easily too. It's connecting to and learning how to expand the "Awakened Mind," that Is us. There are many ways to do this, but the most tried and true over the last 2,500 years is indeed "Zazen," and all the practices that it implies.

In addition to Zazen, I use some tools/frameworks that I rarely mention but I've found pivotal and particularly helpful in redirecting and focusing my life experience. Perhaps you might find it helpful too. One tool in particular is called NLP or Neuro-Linguistic Programming. The other is REBT or Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy. Getting into the everyday work of Tony Robbins, Dr. Wayne Dyer and John Izzo make these frameworks highly approachable and compliment Buddhist practice like two gears perfectly meshed together.

Please know that impossible change is possible. Addiction can be melted... dissolved. We can improve, even if just one percent a day. That's all we really need. Small improvements enable the process, influencing us to live and practice in a way that opens not only our hand that is grasping and clinging to negative patterns but our heart too.

Namaste'

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

All The Way To Heaven Is Heaven

"All the way to heaven is heaven." The first and perhaps only time I heard those words was from Eido Shimano Roshi, during a teisho. When I heard the words my first thought was, "Wow, that's Is so clear and beautiful. Yes, I can agree." My second thought was, "That's so obvious, how come I didn't think or know that before?"

Over the weekend, two of my friends had gotten married. The location they selected seem and felt so perfect. The place felt like it was saying, "Effortless, no resistance." My mind spontaneously responded, as I was walking up the path, "All the Way to heaven Is heaven, there is not doubt in This." Again so obvious and so very clear.

Much of my time, I'm alone with my thoughts, processing. There's a lot of analysis that's usually going on for me. I'm thinking about my family and friends, Zen practice, work, projects and so many other things. There can be such a wall of thinking that I trick myself into thinking, "Look at me here and look at the people, places and things over there." Error! Wrong, wrong, wrong. The brain has a way with smoke and mirrors.

When I relax and release the analytical thinking, I not only see everything different, I behave differently. I have far less complication, worry, anxiety, stress, depression, anger and tension, within my body. When I drop all the analysis, I sometimes have the sense that I'm just cruising. Everything can become simple and effortless. No barriers, whatsoever.

Yesterday, I was doing zazen, focusing my mind or a particular point of practice, based on a talk Pema Chodron gave on "Non-grasping Mind." Sitting in zazen posture, as a starting point, I visualized my fist closed/clenched. As I exhaled very slowly, at the same time I saw my fist opening, until the palm was open and flat. As my palm opened, I gave myself permission, allowing things to leave that I had been trying desperately to hold on to. After doing this for a time, my mind settled on the practice, my own teacher, Genjo Marinello Osho has given me to work on.

All the way to heaven Is in fact heaven. Though we can sometimes think and feel like we are alone, because of our thoughts, we are not. That's just an illusion. We need each other, very, very, very much. My friends wedding is a strong reminder of that. Out of all the people on the planet, they noticed each other and somehow harmonized... unified, with each other. The vows were very nice, but as they said them, my feeling was that the vows were merely a confirmation in public of what they had been feeling with each other all along the way. Heaven.

In relaxing the mind, there's a good chance and opportunity that we can see life clearly and cleanly. We can see though our moments without all of the cumbersome baggage and filters that distort our ability to recognize this moment for what It is. It's interesting to remember that It's the journey and path we travel that reaches the goal, not the goal itself. In this way, All the Way to heaven is heaven.

Namaste'

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Discriminating Against the Ill

Zen is not just in the sky, as we often like to fantasize and project that It is. Zen is in the Earth too. Sure it's nice to be in the sky-like nature of Blue sky mind, but let's also learn to stay on the Earth too.

Yesterday I posted on twitter, "Johnathan Alter made a brilliant connection saying, We are discriminating against people who are ill, by not giving them health care." I had seen him on Keith Olbermann talking on the subject of reforming health care. He brings it to a level of what I'd describe as "Engaged Buddhism." I will explain why, in a moment.

@EllenSka twittered back a little later, "re: "discriminating against the ill" w/o care. Why? Do we discriminate against hungry by not giving food? Who MUST give?" Excellent question Ellenska. Lets talk about this.

To begin, I do say to EllenSka and everyone else "Yes, we discriminate against the hungry." We have a way of objectifying people so we don't have to feel or be bothered with their suffering. There are certain instances where people literally laying in the streets or sleeping in their cars because they got ill, lost their job and then got booted from their homes, cause they could no longer afford it. We see them step around them, look away, pretending they are not us, that we are not them. It's the same for people without or the "wrong" kind of health care. I know because I see it every single day.

I have seen on more than one occasion a patient come in for treatment, having private insurance and the company they worked for decide to fire them. When they get fired, 98% of the time the person loses their insurance coverage (unless they can do COBRA). Not only does it become more difficult to get treatment and take care of their illness, but they have a tough financial situation. People look around and say, "Wow, that's sad and just keep moving." It's almost like the person didn't exist. All the while, the immediacy of their condition becomes unattended, though highly treatable.

People who have little or no health care are really outside the circle of "normal" society. The aide and support that they need is with-held and instead of being able to get better, people often get worse. Sometimes worse means "death." So too for those who go hungry, living in poverty while residing in the Earth, having the rarest of lives.

This brings me to an an interesting point about "Engaged Buddhism" and for that matter "Engaged Christianity." Lately we've seen "Town Halls Gone Wild," on TV, with pictures and audio with people yelling, threatening and screaming at representatives, they've been bused in to attack, by who know what forces. Some are saying, Barack Obama," is a "Socialist." Don't worry, trust me, he's not. He's actually slightly right of center, if you examine how he's conducting the presidency.

But in the dust up, here's some news for those of You who name Yourselves as Christians. Though Obama's not, Jesus Christ was/is a Socialist. His basic message is "Love each other," and "take care of everyone," especially those that society tends to discard. Think about that and embrace the love and caring nature he encouraged.

It is the Compassion and Love Christ expresses that has the ability to influence my mind and actions, believe it or not. True Zen harmonizes with all Being, with no problem. By not following his message or that of the major religions, including Buddhism we discriminate. It would be useful to remember that the word "discriminate," means to separate... to cut out.

EllenSka went on to ask, "Who MUST give?" Win lose or draw, everyone. Pay now or pay later. No, you may not like it, but everything has a cost, even when we do "nothing." That has it's own price. The cost comes in the loss of our person-hood as we engage in the illusions that we project reflecting, "Me first," and "Me, mind and I" mentality. This is truly shameful. We sshould be embarrassed by such thoughts and make a strong effort to do better. If we maintain the status quo, we are not better than barbarians and we'll cause a lot of suffering not just for other, but ourselves too. If you don't believe me, just look around and notice what it is that people care about, including ourselves. We can stray from being "True," human beings.

It seems that You are out there somewhere and I am so called "Here." We are really not. We are merged, like droplets of water that make the ocean. If we cannot feel, notice or see this, please as my teacher says, "Sit some more." Please sit and practice Your path til nothing is outside of You and You know it to be "All One." Then and only then will we know what the "Right," thing to do is. Let's stop discriminating against the hungry. Let's stop disccriminating against the ill. Let's be True human beings.

Namaste'

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Waste No Time

One of my friends called me this morning, saying that he wanted to talk. He's employed at a nursing home and a patient who was very old passed away last night. As he spoke, he had a million words. It all sounded technical... intellectual... remote... When he paused I said, "Can I ask You something?" He said "Sure." I asked, "How do You feel about the man dying and Your being there?" There was silence on the other end of the line. Moments later, in a different, more subdued tone he said "I don't know. I guess it happens to everybody."

As I changed tempo with him I said to him, "Ask me how I feel about it?" When he did, I responded, "When I hear about someone dying, especially family, friends or someone famous, I ask myself if I'm wasting the miracle of having being given a life." His response was, "Yes, I can feel that and that's what hurts. To feel that I'm just stalling, messing around." Yes it does.

There is a sacred expression that is used in many Buddhist centers, temples and monasteries. It goes:

"Let me respectfully remind you,
Life and death are of supreme importance.
Time passes by swiftly and opportunity is lost.
Each of us should strive to awaken.
Awaken! Take heed, do not squander your life."

Those words are true, true, true. It would be an understatement to say, "There's no time to waste." There's no room for philosophizing or getting stuck in our intellectualizations. Think of the tragedy that took place at the gym in Pennsylvania, where the man, feeling sorry for himself, went on a rampage, killing at least three women. They didn't wake up that day thinking that they would transition from this life.

Please don't interpret what I'm saying as morbid. More clearly stated, I'd say appreciate and fully embrace life. Every one and every thing in our Life matters. The only question is the degree. While there's the tendency to pay attention to big things, I've been reminded by Genjo Marinello Osho that "Left unattended small things have a way of becoming big things too, so it pays to be attentive and alter in day-to-day life.

Are We holding back? Are we waiting for something in our life to change, so that we can go ahead and "make our move?" Are we waiting for the right time, which never seems to really arrive? Are we procrastinating because we don't think we're big enough or strong enough to change, thinking we are somehow a defective human being? Are we holding back because of just plain of fear, so we stick with the same old end-end life? What is it? What is it costing us to hold back? Whatever that cause or reason for "holding back," is the source of our suffering.

As I said before, the fact that we have this life is a true miracle. I ask that you consider every thing that had to go right, so that we could be here now. Not only we, but our ancestors survived many, many, many close calls which could have easily resulted in the missed opportunity of our having a life. That being true, as my teacher and Genko Kathy Blackman Ni-Osho say, hold nothing back and lets give it our all!" Waste no time.

Love All - Serve All - Every Single Day,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Zen Without Jargon | Part VII

Use of the word "Faith," surprises a lot of people when they come to Buddhism. People have at times said/asked me, "If Buddha is not a god, how is it possible that the word faith could apply in Zen?" Easy. The box that you used to try to contain the word "Faith," was much too small.

There's an expression I like in the Lankavatara sutra that says, "Things are not as they appear, nor are they otherwise." Perhaps the same thing can be said of faith.

Years ago, I asked one of my friends named Mason, "What is your definition of faith?" He said, "Positive belief plus Positive action is Faith. You hold a principle in your mind like honesty. You believe that it's so important and of such immense value that You start acting in accord (harmony) with that principle. Pow! That was a new and fresh take on something that I had been living with all my life.

Though I was asking Mason what faith meant, I wasn't expecting the response he gave me. After he shared his definition, I realized what I really wanted was for him to affirm the "traditional," definition which was "The ability to believe despite the lack of evidence." That was the first time that I realized that there could be a different possibility. THe labels that I used to define my word didn't have to be set in concrete. They could change. That notion was revolutionary, for me.

Genjo Marinello Osho has a particularly good way of turning the tables with me, that can at times leave me a little (or a lot) perplexed. I can have thing that I've been saying, "This is the way it is, this is the way it is, this is the way it is," and he can walk right up, take it out my hands, turn the object I'm holding in the mind, hand it back to me and then say, "Is that so?" I'm sometimes left shaking my head asking myself, "that's so clear, why didn't I see that before?"

The reason that I couldn't see is that I was trapped by my own "Paradigm." A paradigm is a way of seeing or paying attention to something that everything else (including all relevant information) is blocked out. It's that moment when you're thinking a particular thing is so great and awesome and your friends say, "no it's not," and you keep saying to them "yes it is," and six moths later and turn around saying, how could I have not seen what was going on. How stupid of me." This can be useful to know, because it can influence our perspective.

One day, I was listening to Genjo Osho as he gave a teisho, when he said, "And I use the word faith not as a kind of wishful thinking or blind hope, but as confidence." Hearing him reshape the word "faith," into "confidence," was a kind of internal sonic boom for me. My paradigm was dissolved and My "universe" shook. I could see, feel, hear and relate and the word faith had no distance from me.

Put another way, I could then say, I have the confidence that I can truly sit well. I have the confidence that I can pass through my koan. I have the confidence that I can be a good student to my teacher. I have the confidence I be a good husband and father. I have the confidence that all Sentient Being can be helped. I have confidence in not only myself but You too. I have the confidence that I can truly attain and actualize the awakened nature of Mind (with the proper training and guidance). I don't have blind faith. I have clear confidence. This improved understanding of the word "Faith," cuts through the jargon, labels and definitions. A barrier was removed from my mind.

There is a particular teaching entitled, "Affirming Faith in Mind." It might be better felt and understood if we said, "Affirming Confidence in Mind." This old crappy mind of mine can be freed and liberated. How about You? Can we get past our old contrivances and see/be something entirely fresh and new? Let's practice diligently and find out!

May Your Life Go Well,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Appointment With Life

Thich Nhat Hanh is famous for his expression, "We do not want to miss our appointment with Life." So true. So clear. So penetrating. So beautiful. So honest.

I have an appointment set for me that says, "Seiho, You are supposed to show up Here, Now for This present moment." Despite having the mind to be aware that I have this appointment set for me, I some how up manage to miss it much of the time. Thank goodness that I have a teacher, sangha, family and friends that can remind me that I might be missing my appointment, when I'm hypnotized by distractions, either intentionally or unintentionally missing my appointment.

Over time I've come to see distractions in a very simple way. I used to think the distractions were the many requests for my time, some important, some frivolous. It also could be all the action going on in my immediate vicinity, pulling my attention away, blurring the moment. But eventually what I noticed was the distraction was not "external," things that caused me to miss my appointment with life, it was, is and can be me.

There an expression in Zen called "monkey mind." It's that mind wherein there is little if any stillness at all. It just jumps, branch to branch to branch to branch to branch, never still. It's that part of our brain that because it's moving so much, it just won't "Be Here Now," to borrow an expression. In that jumping around, I lose my consciousness, memory and awareness, going away from my appointment with life. In stead of going away from my appointment with life, I learning to stay.

So how is it that I can learn to "Stay," with "This," moment and keep my appointment with Life? My teacher, Genjo Marinello Osho, says, "Sit, harmonize, combust. Be on the zafu, alert, attentive and awake. Zazen, zazen, zazen, just sit some more." Having mentioned earlier, Thich Nhat Hanh, he says, "When You are sitting say to yourself, right now I am breathing in, as you inhale. And when You exhale say, Right now I am breathing out."

Paraphrasing Genjo Osho says he too has said, "As we practice, it helps our memory to return." With the returning of our memory, we have the opportunity to remember that we have an appointment with Life, in This present moment and no other. When we are really, really connected, This moment, This "being here now" doesn't end and we know and feel It.

Yes, we have an appointment with Life. A still moment with no monkey mind. Hit or miss? It's a matter of how we are practicing in the moment. As we awaken and decide to meet our appointment with Life, things which were out of balance are, "Put back into place" and as it says on the han at Choboji, every thing is "Clear... Quiet... Clean..."

In Gassho,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

My Moment of Darkness

Yesterday I read an article on the New York Times.com website, by Bob Herbert. It concerned the Gates arrest in Massachusetts and some points that might be worth considering. Herbert influenced me to share, in detail, an experience that I rarely talk about. It's mostly because it's one of those events that happen in our lives and we may find it difficult to categorize and store it within our mind.

Around 20 or 21 years ago, I was at Denny's restaurant on Rt 13 south in Salisbury, Maryland. It had been a long day. I, Friends from work and my girl-friend (at the time) just wanted to hang out and talk. As I left and got outside the door, I encountered my girl-friend's sister and husband.

Before I fully understood what was happening, they physically attacked me. I made a conscious decision not to fight them. It was happening so fast I didn't want to possibly injure her sister. In the process of the attack, my left knee was dislocated and I ended up hitting the ground. My knee was out of socket and the pain was blinding. I heard someone yelling, "stay down on the ground" and they put there knee in the side of my neck, pinning me to the ground. Next thing I knew, I felt a gun in the side of my face and the person (turned out to be a Salisbury Police Officer, named Mike) yelling at me to stop screaming about my knee.

As I laid there, my mind went quiet, I assumed I could probably be shot and all because my girlfriends family didn't like her dating someone that they thought was of another race. I'm told that they were "off the hook," as the kids like to say, though the entire event.

The silence in my mind was broken by a scream. It was my friend that worked with me, running out of Denny's screaming at Officer Mike. who also happened to be Officer Mike's girlfriend, at the time. As she was running, I heard her screaming, "Mike, what are you doing? Do you know who that is? That's Jaye! He just got beat up, he didn't do anything! What the f#%! are You doing to him?"

What indeed? The next thing I knew was the knee came off my neck and I was gasping for air. I realized part of the reason that my mind was going quiet was that I was being suffocated by his knee and couldn't breath. At some point, someone got me off the ground and another friend got me to Peninsula Regional Medical Center, so that my knee could get worked on.

Reflecting back, it was a moment that I remember as being 100% powerless. In point of truth, there was no reason for Mike. to do what he did, but that's what happens. Police have power, by way of status, handcuffs, a gun and those other officers that are willing back them up. Based on the way things went, I am 60-80% sure that the only thing that kept me from being shot was six degrees of separation and his girlfriend. I wasn't wearing a suit like I did at work. I had changed clothes. It was the "Miracle" of my coworkers scream that altered the dimensions of that moment. I fully believe and am very thankful for that.

Prior to that moment, I thought of myself as your basic all American guy. I love my family, friends, Zen, reading books, sports and being something of a nerd. In the aftermath, how I saw myself was very shaken. I curtain was pulled back and experienced a side of people that I found really troubling, on many different levels.

Over time, Mike and I actually worked things out. It's in my nature to make an effort to forgive and go forward. I'd like to think that is an aspect of the Zen, unifying mind. Zen wants us to heal, not hurt. Zen wants us to go forward and not be held back or restricted from being.

Another element of my path is to practice what is known as engaged Buddhism. To be socially conscious and aware. To act and work for social justice and equality, taking care of the environment and much more. discussing the Gates arrest and my experience is one more act of Engaged Buddhism. An honest dialog needs to take place. Why? Because no actual crime was committed.

Henry Louis Gates Jr. is roughly 59 years old. He walks with a cane, was just getting back from a trip to China (literally), had trouble entering his home and irritated. A group of police officers confronted and arrested him, within 6 minutes of the call being made by a concerned neighbor (based on what the NY Times found out). Think about that. 6 minutes. The police could have resolved this situation more effectively but they chose not to admit that.

I find the President's expression of "Teachable moment," rather dubious, because all the wrong lessons are being learned. In our life, when we lack the ability to own and admit our mistakes, the status quo is maintained. No progress is to be had. If you want a down to earth definition of Zen, how about this, "putting our bull crap down, getting past our illusion and harmonizing with our circumstances." It's then after a moment of darkness that light can appear.

Namaste'

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO