Avoidance and Outcome

There's a line from the movie Magnolia that has stuck with me, ever since I head it. "You may be done with the past, but the past may not be done with you." Reflexively the word karma comes to mind. The other thing that comes to mind is knowing that life has a way of catching up to us, no matter how much we may try to dodge it. Whatever actions we take, positive or negative, there will always be a result and we have to live with and though them.

Yesterday this was brought front and center though a medical problem of someone close to me.  Over a long period of time, I had been pointing out, "Hey this is something that is a problem that needs to be taken care of. The result of avoiding the situation will bring an outcome you're not going to like and that could be life threatening." 

I knew this, based on personal experience and was in a way attempting to short circuit possible future suffering, for this person. The effort of awakening heart-mind is always to seek opportunities to reduce suffering. I was attempting to do this from the direction of "A smart person learns by their own mistakes, but a wise person learns from the mistakes of others." I went at it soft, medium and hard. No matter how I worked with the individual and another person closely connected, there was always some sort of avoidance and resistance. The bottom line is the effort to accept help and find a way forward was set aside and ignored.

Eventually, I just kinda gave up on the issue, pulling back altogether, seeing that I was exhausting myself on the effort and that on the other side of the table there was about zero effort. I'd been telling myself that perhaps I was mistaken and maybe this particular result won't come. Unfortunately precisely what I was concerned about came to pass and boom there it was. It was a tearful and incredibly painful moment. The results of avoidance forced a very difficult outcome.

The lesson comes, before the understanding. For me, I've decided not to make guesses or assumptions about what these particular people close to me has learned. I don't really know if they get it, in depth or magnitude. I'm 100% powerless over that. For me the lesson has been, "If you are in the middle of a fire, see and know that you are it, so that you recognize you need to get out." If I avoid that reality, I'm going to be destroyed more by my avoidance than the actual flames.

As the doctor said, I wish I could make everything nice and fluffy, but I can't. If we live in avoidance mode and putting things off, our outcomes and results will usually be pretty chaotic and unmanageable. Rather than avoid, I find it better to turn and face. I would prefer not to run and hide from the realities that compose my life. This is the foundation of Zen.

May We Practice Our Life Well,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Comments

[@100PercentProle]

"Unfortunately precisely what I was concerned about came to pass and boom there it was. It was a tearful and incredibly painful moment. The results of avoidance forced a very difficult outcome." Nonetheless, I hope for the best possible result for your loved one.