Human Kindness

Being an ordained Buddhist, I reflect at least once daily on my vows… the promises that I made not just myself, but you and the rest of my life. The reason why I say You and the rest of my life is because the intention of precepts are to improve the harmony and balance that we have with each other. I regard them as a compass to navigate my relationships.

For a long time, I've had to interact and deal with a person who can be very abusive and erratic. They yell, scream, attack, are hyper-critical, make nonsensical arguments, rarely listen, distort facts, use magnification - making mountains out of mole hills and are just plain old negative.

I have the awareness that no matter what I do, forwards, backwards, moving side-to-side or standing still they ultimately will be no satisfaction. In truth, they've got to be pretty mentally and emotionally sad. They're not just inappropriate with me, it's pretty much everybody. By reputation this person is strongly feared. Over the past 5-6 weeks, I'm just their latest (primary) target. In the end, their anger doesn't really say anything about me, but is more of an editorial statement about them. The question people most frequently ask me is, "How do you put up with _________? I don't know how you are doing it." My answer is pretty simple. I deal with it the best I can, in the given moment.

In attempting to do my best to deal with this person, I frequently hear myself saying the words, "You have to go on without me." That's my personal way of saying that I make the active choice not to act out, yell, scream and attack back, but to stand assertively. I just keep repeating the provable facts of a given situation, so that I don't get distracted or pulled into the emotional storm and their vitriol. Other times, I visualize rocks or a cliff face that live at the edge of the ocean and see them being battered by waves. i notice the resolute, determined nature of the rocks or cliff to remain true to their inherent nature. No complaining, just being. Other times I remind myself that though they are acting in a rough way, somewhere beneath all that, there must be an awakened mind that's just sleeping in the present moment.

In those tough moments, I make the effort to put my mind in those places that I just mentioned. I don't always make it and end up absorbing some of the negative energy and get sad, frustrated or bummed out. I have a word for when I'm in that state. I call it an "AFGO," which means, "Another frickin' growth opportunity." Saying that reminds me not to take on other peoples clouds and darkness and find a way to move out of the negative current.

Usually the easiest and fastest way out of the negative emotional current is by finding someone to hang out with that has a caring mind or go out and help someone. Getting out of my head can quickly put things in perspective and the feeling of being dragged down lifts and I can psychologically, emotionally and spiritually breath better. And it's all based around the policy of human kindness. This is the fundamental theme of not just the Ten Buddhist Precepts, but all of Zen too. Human and humane kindness is our home and our true nature. All the other stuff is just that… stuffed and fake. I choose to live my life by vow.

May We Practice Our Life Well,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Comments

[Michael]

Relevant insight. To my life right now. Many thanks for sharing. Too many times things seem very complicated, that there is this obstacle course to navigate before getting to the answer. Something as simple as reflections on the precepts lends clarity. Things are not as hard as we make them from moment to moment.

[Chana]

I have been a monk in a small monastery for about 24 years. I relate to your struggle with the difficult person or situation. After this many years of practice i really do not care if my response to these situations is harsh, and seemingly brutal. Compassion, for me, is to behave in such a manner as to be true to your spontaneous existence. If someone approaches me with arrogance or ignorance, I either say nothing, or contradict their position. There is no one who can verify what you are inside except your own mind. It would be great if there was no conflict that arose within ones' mind, but it does. To add or subtract from this conflict is an error in my opinion. To act decisively and spontaneously to these situations is the true way. Not the safe way, or the socially correct way, but the true way. Thanks for being so honest about your situation. And all my best for you.

Chana

[Genko]

Thanks, Seiho. I always appreciate your posts. This was exactly Genki Roshi's instruction when he ordained me - "Kindness is the most important teaching." If we cultivate this mind, our life and the precepts become one.

[Jaye Seiho Morris]

Chana,

With bows.

~Seiho

[Jaye Seiho Morris]

Hai! Warm smiles.

~Seiho

[Jaye Seiho Morris]

Michael,

True is true.

~Seiho