Relationship failure

I have a friend currently going through a divorce. I know about 15-20 people who have been through a divorce which got me to thinking and asking why and how does it happen. The day they got married, I think they really meant what they expressed through their vows. It really looked like they wanted to be together, but then something changed (or in some cases didn't).

Though there are many contributing factors towards divorce or separation, there is one that stands out among the rest. I've been able to observe that a big part of the failure stemmed from "persona." Persona derives from latin, literally meaning "mask" or "disguise." So what happens is that we have people who encounter each other, holding themselves out to be who they truly aren't. They are kind of pretending. I don't think it's always a conscious thing, but what seems to happen is that when an individual can no longer sustain the mask/disguise the relationship collapses or wilts like a flower that has had the life drained from it.

Taking into account what I've just said, what contributes to the solution? Simple. Building our authentic character. Though a simple answer it can be difficult to live our life through honest communication, compassion, hope, respect, trust, empathy, openmindedness and so-forth.

Please keep in mind, there is no such thing as the "static relationship." We are either growing together or apart. But it all depends on if we are living the disguise or living through our true character. Divorce doesn't just happen to people by accident. One or both of the parties involved actually made it happen. By the same token, it can be amazingly difficult if one person wants the relationship more than the other person. When that happens it can look a lot like "hostage" taking. That's not even remotely healthy.

Relationships are certainly not emotional ballet. They are what they are. But for there to be even a remote shot of it working out, "the masks and disguises have to go."

Namaste'

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO