Defects of Character

Last night, I was hanging out with some friends. The discussion got on the subject of "character defects." It's those things that we do that throw a speed bump in front of us or force us to derail all together. My buddy Don had the line of the night when he said, "It's not old behavior, if your still doing it."

What Don was talking about is how sometimes people think, believe and talk about how they've moved past a defect of character, yet there are still following the same behavior. The reason or way we can trick themselves into thinking that we've changed without actually doing so is that we sometimes lack humility. My simple definition of humility is, "The ability to know oneself - both the negative and positive aspect."

As a person, I'm disappointed to report that there are times that I am overflowing with ideas and opinions. If you don't believe me, ask Deb or my oldest daughter. When I'm in that state, I'm "deaf, dumb and blind," because I am so engaged in those aforementioned "ideas" and "opinions." Since I can't see myself clearly, that means I cannot see my defects of character. This means, that if I'm doing something that is kind of lame, I cannot change. The end result is a failure to grow mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

The obvious question is "how do I see myself more clearly?" The answer my friend is "Feedback." I myself have a support system that call's me on my defects. The feedback brings things to my attention to things that I might not otherwise notice. Stephen R. Covey once said, "We see and judge the world as we are, not as it really is." This means that we have to have a support system. For feedback to actually work, the support system is key, otherwise we're more inclined to blow-off what people are sharing with us.

For me, my support system consists of my Wife, Zen teacher and a few well placed friends that I regard as "life advisers." BTW, "well placed" means that in the course of my travels, I'm sure to encounter them at least once a week. That's important if you really want to come to grips with character defects and change. When one comes up that say something like, "seems like your letting people live rent free in your head." That's it and nothing more. Remember, feedback is not an psychological tear down. feedback is just pointing something out. It's kind of like saying, "hey, look out for that pothole."

As we build humility, learning about ourselves, we can eventually stop doing the things that hurt ourselves and others. We just need to remember that it doesn't all happen in one day. It's a process and not an event.

Happiness,