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Eido Shimano Roshi, once beautifully wrote in his book Points of Departure, "Feelings arise - love and hate, jealousy, envy, fear, feeling, feeling, feeling. Of course we are animals of feeling. Likes, dislikes. But because of feelings, "wisdom is barred" says Master Rinzai.

Today is a beautiful day, sunshine, blue sky. It is a peaceful day. But when emotion comes, there comes a great cloud and the world becomes dark. Even the sunshine cannot penetrate that great cloud. Then wisdom is hidden.

I don't think Rinzai is saying, "You must not feel, you must not think." What he is talking about is that we don't become a slave of emotion, what we don't become slaves of thinking.

This is where zazen comes in; this is where Mu comes in. This is where backbone and discipline come in. Zazen is training. Feelings appear, disappear, return, leave. This is natural. But remember that feelings are impermanent and train not to become the slave of feeling.

Otherwise, "...(wo)men transmigrate through the three realms and undergo all kinds of suffering." We have had enough of that suffering and we would like to be free from it. Master Rinzai is saying that when we are not slaves of feeling, we don't have to undergo all kinds of suffering."

These words have been very important to me, as of late. I've feel very cloudy and under the weather, psychologically and emotionally, facing some difficult life challenges. Within what I term "Unfavorable circumstances," has been consistent Zen practice. As I've faced each moment, like a mantra, I've said to myself, "Remember the Precepts... rejoin your vows. No gaps... no separation... live them as best you can, even when you feel cloudy, Seiho."

Though I can get cramped by my ego, it's the Precepts and Vows that have been a "Magnetic North" for me. They make very good solvent. Though I received them from Genjo Marinello Osho, not once has he said, "... and this is how they are to be follow." He actually said, "You're going to have to work that out for yourself..." True is true. The best way I've found to "work them out," has been by making an effort apply them to my life and see how they work out. Trial and error. It's the nature of being not just human but humane to oneself.

In working with my mind and sitting zazen, though I have countless thoughts, though I have feelings over my (temporarily) "unfavorable circumstances," I'm making the effort to do what Eido Roshi encouraged. I'm refusing to be their slave. I've been taking actions to be free, by "returning to the breath," coming home to my True self. It's not an elegant process, but it works, nonetheless.

It's useful to remember the words of the Buddha. "We become what we think and feel." If I'm thinking and feeling people are bad, cruel or unfair, that's all I'll see. Good people will just be filtered out. If I give in to thoughts and feelings of being overwhelmed my frustration, anger or disappointment, I will become their slave and victim.

The mind can be a wild and rampaging elephant or tiger. This is why it needs to be trained. If it's not, we may get injured, trying to "live" with it. I don't think that's how our life was meant to be lived.

Yours In Zen,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
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