Avoidance

About a year or so ago when I was at Sesshin at Choboji, Genjo Marinello Osho said "People often have a lot of misunderstandings about Zen practice. You tell them that you are going to sit, practice meditation, and they say, what a wonderful way to relax." At that moment everyone burst into laughter. We knew the truth. Though on the exterior we can look calm and placid, what is sometimes going within might look a lot like professional wresting.

For me personally Zazen gives me the opportunity to sometimes run right in to my character defect of avoidance. Avoidance usually has a lot to do with fear. It can pop-up in a lot of funny ways. Instead of working with my koan, sometimes my mind will go sleepy. Other times, I'll remember a song and indulge it or I'm wrestling with some issue, problem, circumstance that I've allowed to hook my focus, attention and energy.  No matter what the scenario, it has the net result of avoidance. It keeps me from facing so-called "Me," who and whatever think that is.

When I notice this is happening, I reset or gather my focus, by opening my eyes a little wider and bringing my attention back to the practice, given to me by my teacher. And in order to do that, I have to have a certain level of trust with my teacher, as he guides me through my training which involves facing myself.

Off the cushion, avoidance and feeding in to distractions can be a very interesting skill to have. Though it can be helpful at certain times, its overuse can be harmful not just to oneself but others too. On a personal level it cause me to be adrift as I avoid, evade, hide, side-step - people, places and things which might make me uncomfortable or fearful of confronting. This behavior can result in what Genjo Osho calls, "holding back."

To not hold back has several meanings to me. One is to have a trust in myself and confidence that challenges can be well met. Two is to stop or reduce editing myself so much and be direct in terms of thinking and feeling, while at the same time being as respectful and compassionate as possible.  Three is that I seek to stick with this present moment and not spin off to the past or future. Four is to have a certain level of resolve not to give up on myself and the effort that I'm making and know that this can happen for you too.

Avoidance can be drained, if we are diligent and befriend ourselves. In that effort I wish us both the very best.

Yours In Zen,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
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