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On the eve of Rohatsu (Siddhārtha Gautama Buddha's Enlightenment Day) my mind is directed towards several things. Chief among these are choices and the impermanence of This life. Those two aspects, combined with studying interpersonal relationships has been driving my practice.

The other day I listened to a Dharma talk by Konrad Ryushin Marchaj, Sensei. He talked about the koan wherein a person is dangling, high up from a tree, held in mid-air, only by their mouth. A person comes to the bottom of the tree and asks, "What is the meaning of Bodhidharma's coming from the West?" He said, "If you don't answer, you evade your responsibility. If you answer, you fall to your death. Choose."

At this time, my own teacher, Genjo Marinello, Osho and some others I know, are sitting in Zazen, at this very moment, not just at Dai Bosatsu Zendo but many other places. They are sitting ceaselessly, facing life and death, cutting, cutting, cutting, cutting, cutting, cutting at the iron wall of Zen, hoping to come to know the truth of This Great Matter. And for this I am grateful, because at this time, I am not living as a monastic but rather the life of a lay-ordained person. It is a choice. It didn't just happen. Decisions where made, which may change later, but for now, this is the path I walk. Choice... choice... choice... choose... choose... choose... as Ryushin Sensei says.

The choices that we make are not insignificant things. Our choices set us on a trajectory that determine the quality of our life.

Though I'm pretty open about sitting and it's value, I don't tell what I'm sitting with, very often. But given that it's Rohatsu, I will tell you today. I sit with the truth of my life. It's going to end and I know it... see It... feel It... There is no evasion... There will be no last minute escape... There is no last minute reprieve from Buddha, Jesus, Person behind a curtain, God. One day, like my Father, Aunt Polly, Uncle Ben, my friends John, Ronnie, Chris, Jackie, Joey, John Daido Loori Roshi and so many others, I'm going to exhale but not draw that next breath, that will be that. Done!

Amplifying the depth of my feelings is a private glimpse of honesty. I look into the clear eyes of my daughters. I see a beauty and light that I never want to be extinguished. I want them to know and feel, every sunrise, sunset and moment between, having an appreciation for the miracle of their lives. When I see and feel that truth, I have only tears, because life can move so swiftly. I love them more than life itself. This feeling drives me not to sit just for myself, but both them, as well as you too. How can I not care, when we share this world and miracle together.

I know the urgency of This moment. It's the clarity of impermanence that influences and reminds me to make my life choices with as much compassion, love, respect and care as possible. My choices not only impact me, but others as well.

Hakuin Ekaku Zenji in his writing was consistently saying, "Do your best." Eido Shimano, Roshi in translating the "Rohatsu Exhortation of the Seventh Night," by Hakuin Zenji said something deeply encouraging. "In Buddhism there is a saying that if a person becomes a monk or a sincere lay student of Dharma, nine generations of his/her family will be emancipated. To become a true monk/nun or a sincere lay student of Dharma means to have a strong vow to save all beings and to practice bravely. When one disciplines himself in such a way, the vivid Dharma nature appears in front of him/her and inexpressible joy is with him/her... Be diligent! Be diligent!"

What we do... everything we do has a consequence... matters... Our being counts for something that is very special and very precious. I'm hopeful that This can and will be brought forth... Practice well. Coming to full awakening is a real possibility... Just open your eyes...

Your In Zen,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
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