Feeling, Not Okay

This morning, I'm having a feeling of ,"not okay." Heading to Zazen, I looked to as a kind of relief, especially when my mind and feelings don't feel steady. Genjo Marinello Osho once said, "There's something about Zazen that helps us regain our memory. It must have something to do with rooting our spine to the ground." When I'm rooted, it gives me the opportunity to so-called "Come to my senses."

I think I'm like most people when a problem or difficulty comes up. I like to resolve it, experience what I need to experience, integrate it and continue on. But this is not always so. Some things are circular. It's like we come back to i again, and again and again, and again. This can influence a lot of emotional discomfort in me, because the natural question comes forward, "What will it take to make This problem no longer a problem?" Did I leave something undone? Did I not give my all? Am I not adequate to the task? What am I missing? As you can see and maybe have known yourself, the flood of questions we have can seem endless.

When I am in such a dilemma, there are two things that I like to remember. One is that I have been in psychologically/emotionally difficult situations before and made it through. Situations like these are the koan of everyday life. The second thing is something that Eido Tai Shimano Roshi used to say. "Give yourself to the Dharma and the Dharma will give Itself to You."

There is force that sustains me and reminds me of what is really essential and important, when I loose my memory as Genjo Osho said. It's something that says, "It's not that everything is going to be okay, but rather that "Everything is okay." It's that I just might not see it yet, because I'm caught in my feeling disconnected or sense of suffering. All that we have to do is not-give up, nurture and take care of ourselves, continuing onward. Edio Roshi would say, "Bravely march on." Dreaming the impossible dream, really is the quest.

"To dream the impossible dream
To fight the unbeatable foe
To bear with unbearable sorrow
To run where the brave dare not go

To right the unrightable wrong
To love pure and chaste from afar
To try when your arms are too weary
To reach the unreachable star

This is my quest
To follow that star
No matter how hopeless
No matter how far

To fight for the right
Without question or pause
To be willing to march into Hell
For a heavenly cause

And I know if I'll only be true
To this glorious quest
That my heart will lie peaceful and calm
When I'm laid to my rest

And the world will be better for this
That one man, scorned and covered with scars
Still strove with his last ounce of courage
To reach the unreachable star"

The truth never changes. Never has, never will.

Namaste'

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO