The "Bad Co-Worker"

Yesterday, I ran into a friend after work. They were telling me about their job and how they "dreaded going in," because there was someone there who was quitting and now choosing to "act out," and tell people what they "really think." We've all seen this one. The person who doesn't know how to quit well.

The person said, "I feel like I have a Dharma dilemma. One the one hand I want to be nice, but on the other I just want to react to their behavior, which would probably be unpleasant."

I responded by telling them about one of my favorite movie lines, where cocktails where Tom Cruise says in Cocktails, "Everything ends badly, or else it wouldn't end." Sometimes people have to end badly to justify their current line of action. They have to go out angry, so they can make the separation. I have no idea if that's it, but I have seen people do that over the years. What would probably be more important is not taking on their emotional baggage. it doesn't belong to you. It's kind of like meeting someone at the airport, you go to baggage claim and pick up someone else bag. You may not know what you're getting yourself into, when you do it. So sometimes, it's just better to let them carry their own stuff and just walk with them. By "walking with them," I mean telling them what you can still appreciate about them, even when they are struggling badly. That action can siphon off some of that volatility and at the same time you're not directly taking ownership of their problem.

My buddy, Mike who was with me also chimed in saying, "When I'm dealing with the bad co-worker," that for him "The Four Agreements," come in handy.

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word.
2. Don't Take Anything Personally.
3. Don't Make Assumptions.
4. Always Do Your Best.

Mike continued, "If I'm using those four simple principles as my guidelines, it keeps me emotionally on the road and I don't get so frustrated, angry or anxiety ridden myself. But embracing those principles, I get to stay centered." Which is the moment I chimed back in as said "good point," but you should probably still do Zazen to help you locate your center.

My friend responded, "All the input makes sense. Now comes the doing." Which where I responded, "which is exactly where the real learning begins for me. Getting outside the theories, guessing and ideas about stuff and into the doing."

Namaste'

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO