This Now

In Zen there is an expression about "The Three Periods of Time." This refers to the past, the present and the future. Most of my life, I've been dealing with my problems with time travel. It was usually reliving some memory that I loved or hated, or living in some fantasy realm of a life that I would like to have. The net result was leaving little time or energy for living in This present moment.

Memories of our past, in and of themselves aren't bad. In fact there are some very valuable lessons that we've learned, along our path that we call our life. Having a vision or dream of the future is not in and of itself bad either. That vision can motivate, direct and re-direct out thinking and behavior, in positive ways. But I've found that I have to create a space to live in the here and now. When we are living in the past or the future, we are day dreaming and not attentive to the needs and requirements of this moment. If you don't believe me, try daydreaming and crossing a busy street at the same time. Some things are not to be mixed together.

There are times that I sit down for Zazen and my mind is hammered by things that happened yesterday, or last week and are troubling me. Other times my mind might be focused on something happening that day or in the near future. What happens is that I cannot seem to get traction in my meditation. My mind is everywhere but here.

When this happens I do one of three things to find my way back into the present, because different things work at different times. I count the breath 1 to 10 and repeat it. The other thing I do is must breath my Koan. The third thing I sometimes do is something Thich Nhat Hanh suggests. I say to myself, "At this very moment, I am breathing in." And when I exhale, I say "at this very moment I am breathing out."

What's funny about that is that there have been a couple times that I have been so unmindful or not present that I was actually saying, "I am breathing in," but physically I was breathing out at the time. I was far from "This Now," this moment. It doesn't get less mindful than that, when you don't know what direction your breathing in.

By having a couple of experiences doing that, it caused me to value the present moments that much more and work harder to be present in each moment. I thought that I needed to ask myself why I as "running away," from the present moment. Why did I want to be somewhere else other than now? What was the payoff or being so distracted?

Eventually with time, I heard in inner voice saying, "This now is All there is, in this very breath." That inner voice also told me, whatever the reason is that I wasn't in the "Now," didn't ultimately matter. There was always going to be some excuse or reason. What matters was just coming back to the present moment, each time that I disappeared from it. This "Now," really is all that matter.

So how is "This Now," working out for You? Please feel free to comment back. I learn a lot by listening to others.

Namaste'

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
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