Clearly Yes, Clearly No

Last night, Deb and I watched a movie at home called "Yes Man," staring Jim Carey. While the movie makes a comedic point about the things that we say "no" and "yes" too, it got me thinking about my own behavior.

Maybe you can relate to me in that, there have been times when I wanted to say "Yes," in certain situations, but ended up saying no and vice versa. Usually when I do that, it's either that I feel obligated, playing a long-shot and hoping for the best or fear of letting myself or someone else down. Taking the time to study those instances teaches me a lot about myself. Looking at those moments has enabled me to "waiver" less, between the thinking and corresponding actions.

Wavering so-called "less," for me has to do with connecting to "Clearly Yes," or "Clearly No." It's about having the capacity to have a complete response in whatever direction that we are moving in. Examples for me is when Debra and I decided to get married, that was clearly yes. There was absolutely no division within my heart/mind. Being a father, is clearly yes. I wouldn't have that aspect of my life any other way. Taking Jukai with Genjo Marinello Osho, Clearly Yes. For me there is such a certainty there that I regard that as what is sometimes called "Dharma Arrangement."

Clearly "No," comes in the for of, when battling active addiction to drugs a little more than 22 years ago. There was a point when I deeply and clearly needed to say to my, "No more." I 100% refused to live that chemically distorted life. There was also a time many years ago, I was asked to change a report. I told the person asking me to do so, "If you are the good guy, but then you lie, it becomes extremely difficult to become the good guy again in oneself and others eyes. I chose to say no."

Those clearly yes and no moments are when all doubt evaporates. It's as if there was nothing else to do but that thought and action. And yet it's still possible for us, if we allow ourselves to violate these core values or principles, if we are not actively working on building a sense of wholeness and integrity within ourselves. Without that, it's very easy to slip into dark places within ourselves.

I am reminded of when Zen Master Rinzai Gigen asked his students, [paraphrased] "Do you know where your disease (and dis-ease) lies? It's that you have no faith in yourselves. When you have no faith in yourself, you are driven this way and that. And no-where that you stand will you be your own master."

Perhaps it's the positive compassion, integrity and faith which we embrace and nurture within ourselves that gives us the ability to clearly say "yes" or "no." To get there, all that we have to do is remove our barriers and limitations. And that my friend is the gift of on-going Zazen.

Namaste'

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO