Breaking Through Clouds of Depression

I've mentioned a couple times lately that I had been sick. People asked, "how are you feeling?" My would say to them "50%, 60%, 75%," because I haven't felt like the so-called "best" version of myself. Eventually upon orders from Debra, I found myself at the doctors office and him saying, "You have bronchitis and a flu-like symptoms. Take this, this and this (prescriptions) and you will definitely be better."

Who would have know? There was only 48 dollars, between me and physical wellness. But what about the fog of depression and mental fatigue that I was also having trouble shaking? I was functioning but not functional.

Since going though this time, something that has kept me afloat psychologically and emotionally are some of the Choboji Sangha members. The combination of contact through emails and regular zazen on my own has helped significantly to keep my head above water. Sometimes people carry us, when we are wounded and cannot fully carry ourselves.

As I've begun to regain traction within myself, as one person reminded me that, I had to "rearrange my Mind." I was told, "When you lose your joy, you lose your strength. Whatever you do, don't allow that happy person to evaporate."

Hearing that made something click. Instantly I felt a huge break in my emotional clouds and something warm came through. It felt like the ability to receive compassion. I was doing much more than treading water.

Last night when I got home from sitting with the Salisbury Buddhist Sangha, I one more helping hand appeared. Chalip, over on Twitter posted something helpful on their blog called 108 Days, by John Daido Looori.

My own teacher, Genjo Marinello Osho recently reminded me of something very true. He said, "Give yourself to the Dharma and the Dharma will give Itself to you." It didn't seem to fully apply when he said it, but it sure as heck does now!

Whether I've noticed or not, It really has been helping me out, giving Itself to me, more than a little bit. When I'm looking down at the ground or my feet, It can be very difficult to see. But if I lift me head and eyes, breath in and breath out, I can not only see It, but experience it as well.

Namu Dai Bosa!

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Comments

[Tony]

i spent most of this winter in a series of downward spiraling mental states and it took an sharing experience with todd to help get me through it, and quite literally, just as quick as i fell into the depths, i came out, and my spring has been better than i can remember.

mu!