The Abusive Co-Worker

I had an incident yesterday where a person was verbally attacking and berating me (in front of others), in an on-going pattern of behavior. It was related to something I did several weeks ago and though I had heard from other people that the person was saying negative things. Since they didn't say anything to me directly, I by-passed it and filed it mentally under "Passive/aggressive," behavior and moved on.

Yesterday, as the person was standing in the middle of the office acting out, showing off, calling me to the carpet and yelling, something internally said, "enough." I looked at a picture of myself when I was at the monastery and mentally said, "I need to be true to myself. I'm not a doormat." Normally I'm pretty easy going and make an effort to avoid this level of conflict, but sometimes...

I turned from my desk to face the person and said, "The reason I sent he information out in a matrix was, I wanted people to know what the results and expectations regarding various cases. My intent and motivation was not to make you "look bad," it was to do a reasonable job. I am here to work, not to be abused. If you didn't like how I managed the information, don't run around the office, gossiping and complaining about me like someone is high school. Send me an email and I'll do it differently, next time. That would be no big deal. I don't treat You or others with disrespect, so stop being inappropriate and unprofessional with me. If you can't handle that, leave and get away from me, because I have no time for your yelling."

Instantly they stormed off and it no longer belonged to me. They continued their behavior pattern of back-biting and complaining. I know this, because it was mentioned to me later. A co-worker said, "You know ________ won't change." I replied, "they may not change, but I have. And that's the part of the show that I'm responsible for. I'm aware they are under stress, but at the same time that doesn't give them permission to use me as their Buddhist punching bag, thinking I'll endlessly take there crap and not respond."

Reflecting back, I can only do my best in each moment. Dealing with an abusive co-worker is not easy, but at some point it may be unavoidable to push back and set a boundary. My life and practice is not always about performing "emotional ballet." Sometimes it's more like being is a mosh pit. We engage in the full struggle and cut through as much of the distractions as much as possible, striving to be authentic and true to oneself. In this way, we help not only ourselves but all sentient being.

May Your Life Go Well,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO