Not Like We Planned It

Over time, I've had a realization that's obvious but somehow managed to either minimize, rationalize or ignore it. All my life I've spent more than a little time making plans. And despite my best efforts, I cannot think of a single thing that turned out as I had planned it. Life is very much alive and makes It's own decisions, without regard for my dreams, visions and hopes.

I was planning on spending time and taking a walk with my daughter to get exercise, but her friends called and she decided to hang out with them instead. I was hoping and planning on keeping my Credit Card rate at 3%, but despite making every payment, Bank of America changed it to 6% (and said they didn't have to provide a specific reason). I was planning on completing a particular project in the office, but something else came up. I was planning on cutting through with my koan, but got distracted and started thinking of all the stuff I needed to do around the house. On and on it goes, all the time. You get the idea.

Back in the time that I was living at Dai Bosatsu Zendo, I still strongly recall Eido Tai Shimano, Roshi saying, "You say I, me and my. You say this is my life, I am making this decision, this is my choice. Let me tell you all this. As much as you think that you choose your life, You must come to know that life chooses too."

Honestly and personally, the goals and plans that I've had, as a son, a brother, a husband, a father, as a Buddhist, a member of a Sangha, friend and employee don't entirely approximate where I thought I would be. That doesn't make things bad. That just makes it "not as I planned it." But for those things that have happened that I have been disappointed by, what do I do with that?

What I've been doing personally is "Zen." The Way of Unification, doing my best to unify the Heart of my Being. It's been trying to wake myself up. My current understand is that I've been learning to be awake as I can, with the moment that's in front of me and see if I can "harmonize" with it. That can be tough, tough, tough, when it comes to the things that this so-called "I," does not prefer. But that is the Way forward.

While John Lennon was so very right when he said, "Life is what happens, while your busy making plans," we can notice and recognize our True self in each moment. For me it requires a sustained and "open-hearted," effort.

As I slowly unfold, with the help and guidance of both my practice and that of others, I am encouraged. I have been able to at times detect that there is a certain balance or rhythm that we can have with "Not as we planned it." It's an kind of comfort and somehow knowing that no matter what happens, in the end, everything will be okay. It may not be in this very moment, but it will, within the next.

May We All Unify Our Heart-Together,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
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