Zen Practice and the DMV

Yesterday, I had to deal with the Department of Motor Vehicle about a ticket I had gotten. I went in thinking it would be simple matter, which though it was, there was some turbulence a long the way.

I got my number, and was guided into the "Driver Improvement," section. I said to myself, "With a sign like that, this can't possibly be good." Eventually they called my number. I greeted the woman cheerfully, sat down and handed her my papers. I said, "I guess there was some sort of mis-fire and I ended up getting this letter saying my license was going to be suspended, if I didn't take care of this. As you can see I have the paperwork showing the matter had been resolved some time ago." She looked at me and said, "We don't make mistakes. If you got this, you did something wrong."

Boom! Shenpa. I got that feeling in the stomach and my attention was hooked. I was thinking, "what a jerk, with a capital J." Mentally, I said "Stay with the moment, don't got somewhere else (anger and fear), maintain your focus." I replied to the woman, "I didn't say Delaware mis-fired, I said there simply was some sort of error. Based on the court documentation that I just gave you, the case was dismissed and the matter should be over."

The woman flipped through the papers and then faxed them to Dover. She came back and said, "You satisfied the matter but your license will have 5 points." I replied, "I don't think that's correct. The case was dismissed, which means it was thrown out." She said, "Maryland sent us the paperwork, you're guilty and you have 5 points."

I glanced down at her desk, looking at the pictures. I promise you on the Dharma this is true. She didn't have pictures of people on her desk, they where pictures of lizards. Mentally I said, that's a reflection of why she is like this. She prefers them to people."

I looked at her as a point of practice, softened my gaze and asked, "Will you please check with the Dover office. The paper from the court said it's dismissed." She challenged, "Show me where it says that." I point gently and mindfully down on the paper to where it said dismissed. She let out a, "Huh?" And I said, "Yes, there it is."

She called the Dover office and they removed the 5 points that they placed on my license. The woman looked at me and said, "Told you we (Delaware) wasn't wrong, Maryland was," as she handed me back my papers. She then said, "Your free to go." That one really hooked my attention too. I looked her directly and said, "I never knew that I wasn't free to go anywhere. I didn't do anything wrong. I thank you for your time and I genuinely do wish you the very best," and walked out. She looked at me kind of weird and didn't say anything.

Having gone through all of that, I can say that was growth for me. In the past (early 20's) when I've felt like someone was trying to put me in the corner and intimidate me, I would get really angry and fight hard against people. That's partially because I would link the same feelings of when my father used to beat me up when I was a kid, to that particular moment. That feeling of helplessness could provoke a volcanic response with me.

Over the years, Zen has given me many different options. Instead of going back to when I was a kid and being in the corner, bloodied , feeling scared and helpless, the practice has enabled me the ability to allow those moments to stay where they are... the past, IF I choose that. No spacing out, just be here in this moment and find the opening of appreciation that will let the air out of whatever the problem is.

Zen Master Rinzai Gigen said, "If your belief in yourself is not sufficient, you won't be able to find your own way, you will always be deluded by the circumstance and directed by this around you but not by yourself." To that I can only say, True!

Namaste'

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO