I Will Not Pretend

In Zen circles, there's a well known story related to Soen Nakagawa Zenji. He had been wearing a traditional Japanese mask, doing something of a kind of acting with friends. At one point in the exchange he removed it, looking clearly at the audience and stated, "I have taken my mask, now You take off Yours."

As it turns out, we all have a mask or personality that we wear. Personalities root word is "persona," which means "Mask," in Latin is "The acted portrayal of someone." It can be valuable to remember that.

Who is that someone that we are portraying? Is it my authentic self or am I pretending to be something I'm not. Are we even aware of when we are making or disguising our so-called "True-self?" It looks simple on the surface, but once we dive beneath the surface, the question can look entirely different, as the kitten turns into a tiger. There's a lot of stuff under that mask. There's a way we can hold ourselves out to self and others, that doesn't reveal the so-called "True," inner state of our being-ness.

This is perhaps why we have our spiritual practice, so that we can authentic ourselves and Wake-up! Once awake, we don't have to live like a ghost. We can recognize and fully enjoy This life.

Over the past year or two, I have made a serious full-court-press with myself, to be who I say that I am. I stopped nibbling around the edges of my life. Mediocrity was getting old. There has been the closing of doors and the opening of new ones. Not every moment has been graceful, but every moment has been only as I've made it (being real or pretend). I really do enjoy the authentic and real. It can be tough to take responsibility for that, but if I genuinely want to "Unify my heart," and stop being a "ghost," that is moving among the living, then I am going to have to go through some grinds with myself.

A small but honest example of this is the other day, I received a "friend-request," from someone who's on facebook. We I saw the request, I was more than a little surprised. I know enough of this person to be aware that in the environment that he normally encounters me in, he has a pretty strong disdain for me. This isn't just based on observations, but in addition to the many stories that I've been told by others of what he has said about me.

Two or three years ago, the approval seeking, co-dependent, foolish me would have accepted the request. Today, I see no point. In Japanese and Chinese art, space is something that is valued. Remembering this, I was authentic and my true self. I said, "no, I won't pretend."

If we are to experience This life as it is, the masks really do have to go. The alternative is to live in a world and land of make-believe... pretending... just pretending away our lives. If we do that, what a waste, especially since our life is so precious and special.

May Your Life Go Well,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO