Do We Really Want Change?

At least 5 days a week, I encounter people who vocally state that they want to make serious changes in their life. They can tell you how much they've been suffering, what's going wrong in their life, even have tears streaming down their face, 100% desperate to make their life better. Their life in some way, shape or form is in flames. My heart goes out to them, because I can definitely related to their suffering.

Despite all the vocalized suffering on their part, there's something odd that happens at a high rate of frequency. People say they want to change, but resist the measures required for change. In fact I've gotten this down to such a science, that I can pretty much tell people who are going to cause trouble for themselves. There's a tale-tale indicator. They don't follow directions. It's as simple as that.

In the world of psychology the behavior is so common that in psychology there's a term for it. Reaction formation. It means doing the opposite of what you are saying or initially intended. It's the most basic form of self-defeating behavior.

If our intention is to truly succeed in our lives, our thinking and behavior have to align. We have to harmonize both, otherwise we end up in an unending pattern of failure that will ultimately erode positive self-belief and self-esteem.

The thing is that the patients where I work are not alone in this behavior. I'm at home working on something it's 9:00pm and I say, "no night-time snacking." When I said it, I really meant it, but as I'm cruising through the kitchen last night, I noticed Debra made some Cinnamon swirl muffins. Guess what happened? Reaction formation. The mind is not steady or stable to follow through. There's no such thing as a little pregnant or a "little," snacking. There will be consequences.

So what could a solution be, to reaction formation? Accountability, not just to self, but others. I have a friend who is an exercise/healthy advocate on twitter. They periodically ask or mention "did you work out, did you follow through?" That accountability is helpful because it says, "You're not doing this alone." Just by asking the question, has gotten me on the elliptical trainer, simply because I didn't want to come back and say, "No." We need the help and support of people in all areas of our life.

The other part of the answer is simply "Following directions." Friends and people who are there to care for us, don't give us instructions so that we can hurt ourselves. The instructions are there to help. Genjo Marinello Osho says, "I think You need to sit some more." If I ignore the direction, what does the behavior say? If there's a road sign that says 50MPH and I blow by it as 60MPH, what am I asking for. When I'm in the office and given a direction or instruction on another what is being said is, "We have a system, this can be easy for you, you don't have to figure things out or reinvent the with. Just go with this." If I don't "go with the instructions," I can easily cause problems and conflict.

In terms of recovery form addiction, people are always asking me what the secret is. I tell them, "You stop getting high." They say, "No I've tried that, it didn't work for me. What's the real answer? Then I respond, "You stop getting high, go to meetings and follow their instructions on stopping to get high." For some reason they walk-away unhappy. We don't have to make change hard for ourselves, but we do. Maybe we're addicted to the drama, who knows.

In our lives, if we really want change, we have to genuinely do something to help ourselves. It's not enough to complain, be sad, frustrated or whatever else. Change means change. It means asking for help and then following the instructions. We have to give of ourselves, if we really want change.

Unify Your Heart,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Comments

[Anonymous]

and this even more.

mu.
banzan