My Moment of Darkness
Monday, August 3, 2009 at 6:17AM Yesterday I read an article on the New York Times.com website, by Bob Herbert. It concerned the Gates arrest in Massachusetts and some points that might be worth considering. Herbert influenced me to share, in detail, an experience that I rarely talk about. It's mostly because it's one of those events that happen in our lives and we may find it difficult to categorize and store it within our mind.
Around 20 or 21 years ago, I was at Denny's restaurant on Rt 13 south in Salisbury, Maryland. It had been a long day. I, Friends from work and my girl-friend (at the time) just wanted to hang out and talk. As I left and got outside the door, I encountered my girl-friend's sister and husband.
Before I fully understood what was happening, they physically attacked me. I made a conscious decision not to fight them. It was happening so fast I didn't want to possibly injure her sister. In the process of the attack, my left knee was dislocated and I ended up hitting the ground. My knee was out of socket and the pain was blinding. I heard someone yelling, "stay down on the ground" and they put there knee in the side of my neck, pinning me to the ground. Next thing I knew, I felt a gun in the side of my face and the person (turned out to be a Salisbury Police Officer, named Mike) yelling at me to stop screaming about my knee.
As I laid there, my mind went quiet, I assumed I could probably be shot and all because my girlfriends family didn't like her dating someone that they thought was of another race. I'm told that they were "off the hook," as the kids like to say, though the entire event.
The silence in my mind was broken by a scream. It was my friend that worked with me, running out of Denny's screaming at Officer Mike. who also happened to be Officer Mike's girlfriend, at the time. As she was running, I heard her screaming, "Mike, what are you doing? Do you know who that is? That's Jaye! He just got beat up, he didn't do anything! What the f#%! are You doing to him?"
What indeed? The next thing I knew was the knee came off my neck and I was gasping for air. I realized part of the reason that my mind was going quiet was that I was being suffocated by his knee and couldn't breath. At some point, someone got me off the ground and another friend got me to Peninsula Regional Medical Center, so that my knee could get worked on.
Reflecting back, it was a moment that I remember as being 100% powerless. In point of truth, there was no reason for Mike. to do what he did, but that's what happens. Police have power, by way of status, handcuffs, a gun and those other officers that are willing back them up. Based on the way things went, I am 60-80% sure that the only thing that kept me from being shot was six degrees of separation and his girlfriend. I wasn't wearing a suit like I did at work. I had changed clothes. It was the "Miracle" of my coworkers scream that altered the dimensions of that moment. I fully believe and am very thankful for that.
Prior to that moment, I thought of myself as your basic all American guy. I love my family, friends, Zen, reading books, sports and being something of a nerd. In the aftermath, how I saw myself was very shaken. I curtain was pulled back and experienced a side of people that I found really troubling, on many different levels.
Over time, Mike and I actually worked things out. It's in my nature to make an effort to forgive and go forward. I'd like to think that is an aspect of the Zen, unifying mind. Zen wants us to heal, not hurt. Zen wants us to go forward and not be held back or restricted from being.
Another element of my path is to practice what is known as engaged Buddhism. To be socially conscious and aware. To act and work for social justice and equality, taking care of the environment and much more. discussing the Gates arrest and my experience is one more act of Engaged Buddhism. An honest dialog needs to take place. Why? Because no actual crime was committed.
Henry Louis Gates Jr. is roughly 59 years old. He walks with a cane, was just getting back from a trip to China (literally), had trouble entering his home and irritated. A group of police officers confronted and arrested him, within 6 minutes of the call being made by a concerned neighbor (based on what the NY Times found out). Think about that. 6 minutes. The police could have resolved this situation more effectively but they chose not to admit that.
I find the President's expression of "Teachable moment," rather dubious, because all the wrong lessons are being learned. In our life, when we lack the ability to own and admit our mistakes, the status quo is maintained. No progress is to be had. If you want a down to earth definition of Zen, how about this, "putting our bull crap down, getting past our illusion and harmonizing with our circumstances." It's then after a moment of darkness that light can appear.
Namaste'
Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO
Reader Comments (5)
Jaye, you know your experience. You do not know that of the arresting officer. Neither does the New York Times.
What karma did your attackers receive?
Acutally I do, at least based on what he told me later. Remember he was dating my friend and I was able to (as best I could at the time) forgive his actions.
As for the NY Times, I think it makes for an interesting read. it reminds that people if there are 10 people at a traffic accident, you might get 10 different stories, but certain facts are indisputable like a 6 minute arrest. And as the time reports it, I will state again, that was from the time that the call was placed. They had to drive and get there. Whatever happened was pretty quick.
Though i see your point, in this case I unwilling to act as a relativist.
Great post! It is difficult to be in such a situation and not let the anger stick.
"Prior to that moment, I thought of myself as your basic all American guy. I love my family, friends, Zen, reading books, sports and being something of a nerd. In the aftermath, how I saw myself was very shaken. I curtain was pulled back and experienced a side of people that I found really troubling, on many different levels."
Many, including myself, still have the curtain obscuring our view. Your story helps us to see past it. The beautiful thing about experience is that not only you but the rest of us can learn from it. I am impressed that you could find the ability to work things out with your attacker.
Cheers,
Jack
Thanks for sharing this Jaye. I am so glad you were able to move beyond it to some forgiveness. A world where these things still happen is not the world I chose, but it's part of the one we're in and we need to remember it there _/I\_ Namaste. -Happi
Happi, thank you for the thoughts. Perhaps it's best to say, "The stained reflection does not dirty the mirror." ~Seiho