Opening Our Hands

Yesterday turned out to be a reasonably tough day for me. I was feeling squeezed, compressed and pressured by some situations. The result was that after when I hit a particularly rough moment, near the end of the day, I lost my temper. In the discussing what happened with my teacher, he helped me to see that my reaction was partially coming from not know how to change and respond to the circumstances, in front of me.

Last night when I sat with where I was at I had this deep feeling of tears. But within that feeling, there was a choice. I could sit, wallow and stay upset or I could redirect my attention and move towards unifying my mind.

I ended up posting something on twitter that was an honest feeling. I said something to the effect, "Grace is not having everything go right. Grace is knowing that things don't have to." Almost instantly, one of my friends "Direct Messaged," me. It was a good conversation that helped to pull me from the mental and emotional quicksand. Like I said yesterday, The Bodhisattva of Compassion's heart beats beneath our skin. It was honest and direct. It wasn't stuffing emotions and holding things in. It was pulling things out and putting them on the table, so that they could be looked at.

After that, I found myself remembering when one of my friends from Choboji had told me, "Everybody wants to be their best, when they are with Genjo Marinello Osho. But he's there for when we feel we are at our worst too." And that's when I emailed him. Instead of isolating, I reached out. I wasn't intending to allow the negative feelings drown me.

The response that he sent back was precise and 100% appropriate to the moment. His expression help to blow away some of the clouds that had been covering and blocking my mind. It was straight ahead, when before the only thing I was seeing was right and left turns of a crooked path, within my thoughts and feelings.

When the feelings are not so great, the walk to the Zafu can sometimes be a long one. Turns out that it wasn't. In fact, sitting was something of a relief. It gave me a very focused period, allowing my feelings to settle like snow flakes, and regain if nothing else a moment of clarity, breathing in and breathing out. Whatever happens, really does happen. Sometimes even two arrows will meet in mid-air and we can open our hands and turn it into a gassho, palm to palm.

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
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