Dissolving Depression

Lately, people have been mentioning to me that on some level they've been "Depressed." One friend called me last evening saying, "A need for change came up. I don't go along with it very well. I skidded out emotionally and as the skid got worse, I isolated more. Probably making the depression worse, I stopped sitting. When I saw You the other day, I realized if I was going to get out of my black-hole, I was going to have to reach out and so I am."

Another friend said, "I think in our society, we aren't honest enough about how often depression occurs. It happens and we just kinda fake it or try to ignore it, pretending its either not there or not as bad as we think it is."

I could relate to them and others who had been telling me about their depression. On Sunday, my mind started replaying certain tapes about some things that I wasn't liking and had been going on. As the tape played through my mind, I felt more and more compressed. I was feeling small and powerless. At one point I tweeted, "I've recognized that my mind can enter a state of "Hell" or "depression," by feeling small, helpless and alone." I was being honest, with myself and others. That's when I decided to cut the mental video playback and insert something else.

It's here that I need to point out that, "Depression" isn't just in the mind. Depression can fill and flood the body too. Our speech changes. Our posture weakens. We hold our head down. We may find it difficult to look people in the eyes. We move more slowly. We physically isolate ourselves from others. I've even had people tell me that their depression is so powerful, they have difficulty getting out of bed.

What I inserted after pulling out the old mental tape was the practice of Samu (Mindful work practice), in the yard. I got out of myself by taking care of something else. In taking care of my yard, my mind naturally expanded instead of narrowing, closing off and isolating, which is what normally happens when we get depressed. I was living my way, into a new way of thinking. It's simple but effective.

My yard was saying to me, "Thanks for showing up. You've been neglecting me. I need some weeds pulled, mowing and raking. And while you're at it, can you edge the grass around the sidewalk and trim the bushes?" It was all there, all I had to do was look. During that time, I remembered something Shunryu Suzuki Roshi had once said. "Despite our preferences, flowers wilt and weeds grow." It was making perfect sense.

By the time I completed my tasks, the light was fading from the sky, but not in my heart. I was feeling better. It was feeling the definition of Zen. The mind was unifying. It was healing. I was not longer feeling compressed and small. My mind could feel the vastness, as the wind brushed my face. This episode with the depression had dissolved and everything was a-okay.

Zen frequently calls us to do things that may initially seem counter-intuitive. That feeling of being counter-intuitive is systematic of having deeply embedded patterns and habits. When we don't give up, we can build new mental connections, dissolve the discomfort of changing how we deal with ourselves, changing our heart and mind. In doing so we open ourselves to the opportunity of living better.

In Genjo Marinello Osho's recent teisho, "Three Turning Words," he clearly and directly says, "All the manuals [and books] on Zen practice can be summarized in two words. Completely dissolve!" We can completely dissolve depression. Just practice the path and don't hold anything back. If we do that, with effort, friendliness towards ourselves and support of others, over time, the depression can and will melt. Just don't give up.

In Gassho,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
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