Just Not Right There

On a fairly regular basis I encounter people (including myself) who say they want one thing, yet do another. A person will say to me, "I want to get clean and sober." I can say, "Okay come in today and we'll get You started." At a surprising rate they often respond with, "Can I come in and get started tomorrow?" Classic. Other times people say "I want to get enlightened, what should I do?" I usually reply, "Do Zazen and study with a teacher, so that You can drop mind." Next thing that happens is that we are doing everything we can to hold on to the mind and we've become their own Zen Master. We don't always take the time to be the student. It's a life of unending contradiction.

Living in contradiction is terribly sad and hilariously funny at the exact same time. We want to get "good grades" in life, but sometimes don't want to study. The truth is that we would like the goal or the result, minus what's "In-between" to get there, mainly because we think of the "In-between" work/effort as somehow painful. The in-between effort isn't painful, we are, given that we are prone self sabotage. What is the "Gateless barrier of Zen?" Take a look in the mirror and You'll find out.

In my life, if there are things that I *really* want, I've always had to at least be willing to let go of something. If I want an authentic relationship with my teacher, I have to be willing and able to drop my B.S. and pretense. If I really want to hear You, I have to drop what's in my mind, not just listening with my ears, but my whole body. If I want a healthy relationship with You, I will see past myself and embrace You as is, not with my little labels that I might have attached. If I want to help, I have to let go of thinking and behaviors that don't. And if I want to be "Awakening Mind," I have to drop the things that have caused my Mind to sleep.

In the Way of Zen (unification), there is no substitute for practice. We will NOT intellectualize ourselves into "Awakened Mind," no matter how hard we try. It requires "Something" else. If You don't connect with what that "Something," We'll just remain one step behind where the action *really* is, like when we were children, shadowing someone else's footsteps. We were very close behind, "Just not right there."

Yours In Zen,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Comments

[The Barking Unicorn]

I get the same thing.

"I want to do The Buddha's work: 'discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it.'"

Me: "Fine. Let's start now."

"I have to go to class... pick up kids..."

Me: "Fine. When?"

"I don't have my calendar."

Me: "Excuses are like flatulence: everybody has some and nobody wants to hear it. Come see me when you not flatulent.

"Next, please!"

There are innumerable beings to be saved, and endless lifetimes to save those who aren't ready now.

[Ellen Etc]

Aaah, but there's also, "OK, I'm doing it. I'm sitting, I'm studying with a Zen teacher, I'm working with my koan. And 5 years later, I'm frustrated."

At that point, when I still persist in saying, "What do you MEAN by that?" I can understand your frustration. You say that you see something that I don't see, and I know it's my fault for "hanging on" to something. Will you show me this "thing" I'm hanging on to, so I can let it go?

OK, "my ego," I get that too. How do I "let go of" my ego? Maybe that's why the old Zen students cut off their arms and such. They were trying to amputate their ego by cutting off a limb. They couldn't see how to let go of their ego, so they chopped off their left arm instead.

On the other hand, maybe it was just simple frustration being acted out in a dramatic way, to get the teacher's attention and possibly get some help with the problem.

The big fear is that it's just another version of giving yourself wholeheartedly to Jesus, who, sadly for me, did not open the door when I knocked either.

The big fraud would be that there is no relief from suffering, so the answer is merely, "Joke's on you -- deal with it." Hey, I can do that already.