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I recently finished reading "Happiness: A Guide to Developing Life's Most Important Skill," by Matthieu Ricard. Initially I was skeptical of it. To my own surprise, I never really thought of happiness as a skill, but rather a result, based on something "favorable," happening. As I waded more deeply through his pages, words, experiences, reflections and practiced Zazen with them, the more clearly I was able to see and feel what happiness as a skill could mean. I noticed I did indeed miss something.

In the process of digesting Ricard's book, I noticed something else to in my range of vision. Looking back, though my experiences, I was able to see how my unhappiness was a cultivated skill too. Yikes! That had never occurred to me, up to that point. I had always felt like, my moments of unhappiness sprung out at me from behind a tree, car or wall, like something that happened "mystically," for no apparent reason.

As I sat with "Unhappiness as a Skill," I could clearly trace patterns that I either intentionally or accidentally nurtured, promising to leave a frown on my heart-mind. Upon examination, breath by breath, I was able to see and feel the skills of unhappiness. On top of that I noticed that I managed to invest a staggering amount of time and energy to not just be unhappy but to stay that way.

What was it that Gollum said in J.R.R. Tolkien's, Lord of the Rings. "My precious [the ego] is Trixy." Here are a few ways that I've been trixy with myself in the past, cultivating skills of unhappiness:

1. Focus on what was going wrong, ignoring and deleting was was going right.

2. Holding on to mental and emotional scripts/narratives leading and expressing unhappiness, without testing them to see if they are capable of being re-written, dissolved or even true.

3. Nurturing wounds and making tepid efforts in healing or cultivating happiness. As one friend put it, "Sometimes... not all the time... self pity is self-manipulation."

4. Isolating. An odd truth is that by getting out, sharing time and doing things that might be helpful to others tends to redirect my mind and emotions.

5. Poverty mentality. If our mind that has difficulty appreciating what is present, open and available in this very moment, unhappiness is guaranteed.

6. Self-Centeredness or self-obsessed thinking/feeling. The basis of not just survival but growth is based on the principle of We rather than me. We are interconnected and entangled, not just in this lifetime but far beyond time itself. I live with you, not without you. This is my most basic truth.

Most of what I'm describing would fit neatly under the heading of "Self-defeating behaviors." Thinking, feeling and actions that have the net-effect of chopping ourselves down like a tree. Skillful unhappiness is often reached by a cumulative effect, rarely a single instance or event. In the end we often call these things our "baggage."

Matthieu Ricard's, "Happiness: A Guide to Developing Life's Most Important Skill," is a worthy companion to share time with. Happiness is indeed a skill. We have a choice. Our life isn't "just happening," to or at us. We are influencing, shaping, cultivating and creating with our mind, all the time. We can Awaken our heart-mind. We can practice smiling, rather than practicing frowning. Developing the skills of happiness is doable, it simply requires practice.

May Your Life go Well,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
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