Living By Confidence

Since Wednesday of this week, there has been pretty rough days, given one of my family members is struggling mightily with a serious medical issue that's chronic. In such an unfavorable circumstance, the deep feeling of powerlessness can feel unbearable. We want to fix everything... smooth the rough spots... make things somehow easier... but that's not always possible. Sometimes the moments are just messy.

In the messiness of the moment, I took the time to talk with my mom. She said, "When you are face a challenge where you seem hopelessly overwhelmed and your not sure that you can succeed, You still need to dig in and find your fight." When she said the word "Overwhelmed," it connected to my central nervous system. As she often does, my mom was able to hit the nail precisely.

By feeling powerless... overwhelmed... and uncertain... these become fuel for fear and doubt, causing it to expand. The only way to put out a fire is to remove the fuel. One example is instead of turning and running way physically, mentally, spiritually, is to turn into the storm of emotions... to face what seems difficult.

Though one way to practice Zen is from the seated position, there's another way. We can also practice Zen by thoroughly living within our life. We can practice by standing on our own two feet, working and living through the choppiness of each moment and each breath. It's facing into the challenge. It's facing into the doubt. It's facing into the strain. It's facing into the discombobulation and groundlessness and still somehow gaining a toe-hold, where we thought none existed.

Diligence in practice can remove the fuel from the fire of fear and doubt. As I wrote one of my friends yesterday, "Sometimes, I have to live by confidence that is within hope, rather than by the suffering that I might be seeing in front of my eyes."

Since Friday, I've been reflecting deeply on something Zen Mater, Rinzai said, which I had forgetten. "Do you know where the disease lies which keeps you learners from reaching true understanding? It lies where you have no faith (confidence) in your Self. When faith (confidence) in your Self is lacking you find yourself hurried by others in every possible way. At every encounter you are no longer your master: you are driven about by others this way or that.

All that is required is all at once to cease leaving your Self in search of something external. When this is done you will find your Self no different from the Buddha or the patriarch." What is truer than that?

Hands Palm to Palm,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
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Comments

[Marguerite Manteau-Rao]

May you be at peace Seiho, as you travel this rough patch in your life. You may appreciate this poem of mine, written a few days ago, in response to similar circumstance in my own life. The patch is still there, but my fear is gone . . .

http://minddeep.blogspot.com/2010/03/outside-of-myself.html

[tomo]

My father-in-law passed away 3 weeks ago. It was a devastating blow to our family, myself included. But I found that my understanding of the dharma, particularly the link between clinging and suffering, has helped me put distance between me and my sadness. I can see others continuing to suffer more as they are still asking "why, why, why".

I also don't know "why" it happened, beyond the simple truth that shit happens in life, to good people. But I am ok with that, and I know I won't forget him which, in the end, is the best you can take out of the situation.

With metta,

-- tomo

[Jaye Seiho Morris]

Tomo,

That you share this intimate moment of your life, I have nothing but warm appreciation for you and your family. As for the why, I find agreement with you that on the every day side of the coin we never really know.

With Warm Mind,

~Seiho