The Skills of Unhappiness

I recently finished reading "Happiness: A Guide to Developing Life's Most Important Skill," by Matthieu Ricard. Initially I was skeptical of it. To my own surprise, I never really thought of happiness as a skill, but rather a result, based on something "favorable," happening. As I waded more deeply through his pages, words, experiences, reflections and practiced Zazen with them, the more clearly I was able to see and feel what happiness as a skill could mean. I noticed I did indeed miss something.

In the process of digesting Ricard's book, I noticed something else to in my range of vision. Looking back, though my experiences, I was able to see how my unhappiness was a cultivated skill too. Yikes! That had never occurred to me, up to that point. I had always felt like, my moments of unhappiness sprung out at me from behind a tree, car or wall, like something that happened "mystically," for no apparent reason.

As I sat with "Unhappiness as a Skill," I could clearly trace patterns that I either intentionally or accidentally nurtured, promising to leave a frown on my heart-mind. Upon examination, breath by breath, I was able to see and feel the skills of unhappiness. On top of that I noticed that I managed to invest a staggering amount of time and energy to not just be unhappy but to stay that way.

What was it that Gollum said in J.R.R. Tolkien's, Lord of the Rings. "My precious [the ego] is Trixy." Here are a few ways that I've been trixy with myself in the past, cultivating skills of unhappiness:

1. Focus on what was going wrong, ignoring and deleting was was going right.

2. Holding on to mental and emotional scripts/narratives leading and expressing unhappiness, without testing them to see if they are capable of being re-written, dissolved or even true.

3. Nurturing wounds and making tepid efforts in healing or cultivating happiness. As one friend put it, "Sometimes... not all the time... self pity is self-manipulation."

4. Isolating. An odd truth is that by getting out, sharing time and doing things that might be helpful to others tends to redirect my mind and emotions.

5. Poverty mentality. If our mind that has difficulty appreciating what is present, open and available in this very moment, unhappiness is guaranteed.

6. Self-Centeredness or self-obsessed thinking/feeling. The basis of not just survival but growth is based on the principle of We rather than me. We are interconnected and entangled, not just in this lifetime but far beyond time itself. I live with you, not without you. This is my most basic truth.

Most of what I'm describing would fit neatly under the heading of "Self-defeating behaviors." Thinking, feeling and actions that have the net-effect of chopping ourselves down like a tree. Skillful unhappiness is often reached by a cumulative effect, rarely a single instance or event. In the end we often call these things our "baggage."

Matthieu Ricard's, "Happiness: A Guide to Developing Life's Most Important Skill," is a worthy companion to share time with. Happiness is indeed a skill. We have a choice. Our life isn't "just happening," to or at us. We are influencing, shaping, cultivating and creating with our mind, all the time. We can Awaken our heart-mind. We can practice smiling, rather than practicing frowning. Developing the skills of happiness is doable, it simply requires practice.

May Your Life go Well,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Stringing the Beads by Marguerite Manteau-Rao

Today we're doing something special. It's the "The Great Buddho-blogging Article Swap" I feel very fortunate to have been paired with Marguerite Manteau-Rao from "MindDeep." Without further adieu...

It is tempting, especially as a beginner on the path, to keep on looking for more guidance, more knowledge from outside sources. Reading the many Dharma books, attending talks, browsing through Buddhist websites, seeking answers from teachers . . . While all have their place, I have become convinced of the importance to take a leap of confidence, and to just start walking the path, without always seeking another hand to hold on to, or more knowledge to stand on. If I still had any doubts, last night’s dream put them to rest:

I am looking at a catalog of beaded bracelets made by an ex-prison inmate. I notice one in particular, made entirely with Buddha beads. I want it. I look at the price. It is quite expensive. Then I realize, I already got a beaded bracelet kit in the mail. I open the envelope, and find several Buddha beads, along with other round, semi-precious beads. I like the lapis ones best. No need to buy Buddha bracelet. I can make my own. I start sorting and arranging the beads, making sure to include all the Buddha ones. I am thinking I need to get some string, then, remember string must have come with kit. In my haste, I must have overlooked it. I find a piece of transparent string lying somewhere, and wonder if it will be long enough. Also, how can such a fine, almost invisible string do the job? I start stringing the beads.

Dream stayed with me all day. I kept thinking, no need to wait, I’ve got all I need already. I have understood enough about the Dharma teachings, to get started on the path. Just keeping my lofty vow of daylong mindfulness should keep me busy for a while! As my art teacher once said, don’t keep on thinking about your project. Instead, start doing the work, it will teach you. Awakening to the Buddha’s truth is no different. Reading, talking, writing, about the theory of practice, all have limited value, compared to the actual act of practicing. Got to keep on stringing . . .

The other part of the dream touches upon the value in not counting on the experts, in this case teachers, to do all the work. Sure they may have liberated themselves from the prison of mind already, but their prison is not ours, and the way out is different for everyone. I am the one who has to string the bracelet, not my teacher. Each new insight joining the previous one, until full Buddha nature becomes realized. I have found, if I sit long enough, it is often possible to get out of spiritual impasses on my own, without the help from my teacher. Each time, my awareness muscle gets strengthened. Of course, this does not mean, not asking for help when absolutely necessary.

Marguerite Manteau-Rao

Change Has Come To America

An amazing opportunity has arrived. What will we all make of it? As Bill Clinton once said, "And let us work, until our work is done."

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Blog Action Day-2008!

As today's title says, it's Blog Action Day. The topic is on Poverty. Interestingly, there are different kinds of Poverty. There is the most obvious kind which is financial poverty. We see "those" poor people, avert our eyes to look away and pretend that they are not there, as we cross the street or turn away from them. It's almost as if they are like ghost and do not really exist.

But then there are these other kinds of poverty that I encounter every day that are beyond the financial poverty. I deal with people who struggle with poverty in regards to having positive emotion. They have plenty of anger, tons of rudeness, full of anxiety and general unhappiness and thrive on gossip. It's pretty sad in and of itself, because they usually don't see it, within themselves. What that usually translates into is a kind of spiritual poverty.

We can usually notice spiritual poverty in whether people are hopeful and capable of acting in a trustworthy way or not. Do they have integrity? Are they living in the problem or the solution? Do they (we) support and build each other up, or is there an attempt to extract something from you and tear us down?

If it's true, that we are all interconnected, then it matters if when people are living in emotional and/or spiritual poverty. What happens to you, happens to me. If there is a part within you that is emotionally or spiritually bankrupt - it's there within me too. It's a moral imperative that we help each other out of this poverty.

There are many ways to help others out of Emotional and Spiritual Poverty. Sometimes it's as simple as being a positive power of example, offering hope. It might be sharing a joke and a laugh, creating a gap in someone's emotional storm clouds. Other times it's just sharing simple human kindness and respect - that turns into a kind of food for the soul. It also may involved taking a stand and when people are acting in an abusive manner, walking away from them, playing it straight and say, "I care and respect you, but I don't enjoy the behavior. I choose not to enable you in this way."

Climbing out of emotional and spiritual poverty is just as (if not more) important as getting of out financial poverty. It's because when we live in that kind of poverty, it distorts how we see the world and interact with ourselves and others. Lets take one small step today and see if we can help someone out of emotional and/or spiritual poverty, even if it's just starting with ourselves. Remember, the currency of Love is kindness and compassion.

May All Beings Be Happy and Free,

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

To Write Love on Her Arms

There is a really nice video piece that MSNBC did on Renee Yohe the Social Movement, "To Write Love on Her Arms," who focus is helping people struggling with issues such as "cutting," and "drug addiction," and the barriers that can get in the way of people getting treatment. It's work the look.

Namaste'

Jaye

60 Days

Now that the RNC and DNC conventions are over, we have some work to do. This is our moment of "social responsibility." What happens in this election will not only effect us, but effect literally millions of other people. Here are some of the things that we need to think about:

The war in Iraq. We are spending billions in a financial blackhole.

We need to redouble our efforts and bring Osama Bin-Laden to justice. He's still out there because the republicans dropped the ball. McCain keeps saying he will chase him to he gates of hell, but Obama is correct when he says "they won't even chase him to a cave."

Straighten out our economy. If you a little checking on factcheck.org, you will see literally dozens of misleading statements and lies about Obama's economic policy made by McCain. Most of use would get a tax cut.

Bringing new types of jobs to America. As Thomas L. Friedman says in his book, "The World is Flat," countries like China are not racing us to the bottom, they are racing us to the top." If you don't believe that, go look at the opening and closing footage of the Bejing Olympics. Focusing on building and exporting green technologies is good for American workers and good for the world, in terms of positive environmental policies.

We need to consider defending the Constitution. I think Denzel Washinton in the movie called "The Siege" has it about right when he says, "What if what they really want is for us to herd children into stadiums like we're doing? And put soldiers on the street and--and have Americans looking over their shoulders? Bend the law, shred the constitution just a little bit? Because if we torture him, General... we do that, and everything that we have bled and fought and died for is over, and they've won. They've already won." The way the Bush administration has functions has been an actual expansion of governmental power over it citizen and have reductions in personal rights.

Reproductive rights for women. I have two daughters and love them very much. For Deb and I it wasn't even really a choice, it was more like a moral imperative. But that doesn't mean it has to be the same for you. I am especially opposed to forcing women who have been raped to carry a baby to term. McCain and Palin are okay with doing this. They are wrong, wrong, wrong.

The Supreme Court. To enable McCain to become President, is to jeopardize our nation of laws. Things will be so upside down, you would think it was 1901. It will be ugly and draconian.

If we allow McCain to win, the average American will suffer greatly. They attack Barrack Obama for only one reason, They have no actual polices that would improve our lives. Personally I'm a little burnt out by the Republican's always being in anger/attack/hater mode, though I am impressed that they've managed to sustain it this long. They will help their corporate buddies, but not you and I. Look at the records of McCain and Obama and what they have actually voted for and supported. This is very serious. We need to be engaged and we need ever vote to be counted. We don't need 8 more years of George Bush. We have suffered enough.

P.S. I would love the Republicans to take responsibility for 9/11, instead of always blaming Democrats last night. I believe it was George Bush was the one who received he brief that said "Bin-Laden determined to Strike the United States of America."

You can also check out Deb's Obama Blog Here

Sincerely,

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Yes We Can - Make A Change

Given the tenor of our current politics, McCain's constant character assisination of Obama and now his (McCain's) VP pick, Debra got revved up, joined the Barack Obama campaign and even started a blog which you can read here.

I mention this here and it might not seem like something that a Zen Buddhist website should "stay away form," when in truth - social and political activism is something that we can and should embrace to encourage positive change. Zen isn't about leaving the world, it's about being fully engaged.

Deb's initial post about her father who is an Air Force veteran gives a clear example about what's wrong in the life of an everyday American and something we need to fix. Our country has become a dilapidated house. Let's get to work on it. Yes We Can, Yes We Can, Yes We Can. You just have to be able to have and act on Hope.

Namaste'

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Randy Pausch Last Lecture | Oct. 23, 1960 - July 25, 2008