September 11

I wanted to take a break from the normal storm of activity and take a moment to remember a tragedy that has touched and effected us all. Not only here in the United States, but across the waters towards our neighbors. With that in mind, I offer this prayer...

"With a wish to free all beings,
I shall always go for refuge,
To the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha,
Until I reach full enlightenment
Enthused by wisdom and compassion,
Today in the Buddha's presence,
I generate the Mind for full awakening
For the Benefit of All sentient Beings
As long Space remains,
As long as sentient beings remain
May I too remain and dispel the miseries of the World."

May All Beings Be Happy and Free,

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

A Home Going

The best expression on life and death that I can recall ever hearing was from Roshi Philip Kapleau, in his book, "Zen - Merging East and West." The short version is to think of yourself as a wave on the ocean. For a time that wave is in many ways, separate, distinct, has it's own sense of character and lifespan as a wave. And once the wave has exhausted itself, it throw off the illusion that it was ever *really* separate from the ocean on which it rode and full and clearly merges and is seen as one." It is the beginningless, beginning. The endless end.

Before I had first gone to Dai Bosatsu Zendo, Junpo said something that I thought was kind of odd. He said, "Come home soon." At that time I could not fully appreciate the depth of his encouragement. But now, I can see a just a little further down the road and so it means something a little different.

So today is the formal recognition of Aunt Polly's Home Going. The funeral is today at 11:00AM, here in Pittsburgh. We will honor her life, her memory and not just who she was, but who she IS and how that continues on.

Though, I may not have talked about it directly over the last couple days, the grief in my family is very strong, very real and very present. There have been times when I have been alone that the tears just come from no-where. I have a thousand different feelings and sometimes when we are authentic, there is no "emotional ballet" left. This moment has been especially hard on my Mother. Last night she apologized for crying and I told her, "how does the right action ever need an apology?" This is another moment when the masks have to go. No falsehood, no illusion, no holding back. If we Love Aunt Polly, now is the time and moment that come out. It's alright.

In closing, I want to thank the many people who have not only sent my family and I private emails but Twitters to "jayezero," as well. They have really been very kind and supportive and I'm appreciative of that.

"Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you." ~Coldplay



Namaste'

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Aunt Polly

Yesterday, my Mother sent me an email. It simply read, "Aunt Polly died this AM," Mom. It was a short sentence that doesn't seem to adequately reflect her beauty and what she made of this life.

My Aunt, my Mothers sister is someone that I have gratitude towards. Until the age of twelve, she helped to raise my Brother and I. It was her way of supporting my Mom after the separation from my Father, given that she was getting her Masters Degree. Aunt Polly made some many things possible for us, and she never complained. Not even about the cancer which took her life. She was just consistently loving and hopeful.

I think the reason that my Mom let me know what happened the way she did is to attempt to blur something. It is the fact that my Mom is devastated and misses her Sister. She may even feel a little alone. After all, Aunt Polly was everything that the word Sister can embody. Friend, supporter, confidant, counselor, mentor, guide, partner-in-crime, family cheerleader and some much more.

In the past I've heard people say, "we're all replaceable." That may be true in some aspects but it's definitely bullshit in a hundred other ways. I cannot think of anyone who could take the place of Aunt Polly, in my heart or my Mind. There is no one that can or will fill her shoes and that's okay. Grief is grief, and like my Mother, I'm hurting too. I can tell by he tears.

Throughout her battle with cancer, she remained herself. She remained dignified. She remained Aunt Polly. Loving, cheerful and always looking for the best to come from within us. I will do my very best to answer her request, by how I live my life.

Life and Death are the Very Body of the Buddha,

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO