The Skills of Unhappiness

I recently finished reading "Happiness: A Guide to Developing Life's Most Important Skill," by Matthieu Ricard. Initially I was skeptical of it. To my own surprise, I never really thought of happiness as a skill, but rather a result, based on something "favorable," happening. As I waded more deeply through his pages, words, experiences, reflections and practiced Zazen with them, the more clearly I was able to see and feel what happiness as a skill could mean. I noticed I did indeed miss something.

In the process of digesting Ricard's book, I noticed something else to in my range of vision. Looking back, though my experiences, I was able to see how my unhappiness was a cultivated skill too. Yikes! That had never occurred to me, up to that point. I had always felt like, my moments of unhappiness sprung out at me from behind a tree, car or wall, like something that happened "mystically," for no apparent reason.

As I sat with "Unhappiness as a Skill," I could clearly trace patterns that I either intentionally or accidentally nurtured, promising to leave a frown on my heart-mind. Upon examination, breath by breath, I was able to see and feel the skills of unhappiness. On top of that I noticed that I managed to invest a staggering amount of time and energy to not just be unhappy but to stay that way.

What was it that Gollum said in J.R.R. Tolkien's, Lord of the Rings. "My precious [the ego] is Trixy." Here are a few ways that I've been trixy with myself in the past, cultivating skills of unhappiness:

1. Focus on what was going wrong, ignoring and deleting was was going right.

2. Holding on to mental and emotional scripts/narratives leading and expressing unhappiness, without testing them to see if they are capable of being re-written, dissolved or even true.

3. Nurturing wounds and making tepid efforts in healing or cultivating happiness. As one friend put it, "Sometimes... not all the time... self pity is self-manipulation."

4. Isolating. An odd truth is that by getting out, sharing time and doing things that might be helpful to others tends to redirect my mind and emotions.

5. Poverty mentality. If our mind that has difficulty appreciating what is present, open and available in this very moment, unhappiness is guaranteed.

6. Self-Centeredness or self-obsessed thinking/feeling. The basis of not just survival but growth is based on the principle of We rather than me. We are interconnected and entangled, not just in this lifetime but far beyond time itself. I live with you, not without you. This is my most basic truth.

Most of what I'm describing would fit neatly under the heading of "Self-defeating behaviors." Thinking, feeling and actions that have the net-effect of chopping ourselves down like a tree. Skillful unhappiness is often reached by a cumulative effect, rarely a single instance or event. In the end we often call these things our "baggage."

Matthieu Ricard's, "Happiness: A Guide to Developing Life's Most Important Skill," is a worthy companion to share time with. Happiness is indeed a skill. We have a choice. Our life isn't "just happening," to or at us. We are influencing, shaping, cultivating and creating with our mind, all the time. We can Awaken our heart-mind. We can practice smiling, rather than practicing frowning. Developing the skills of happiness is doable, it simply requires practice.

May Your Life go Well,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Humbled Rather Than Humiliated

Over the past few days I've been reading and re-reading a vibrant teisho given by Genjo Marinello Osho and I thought it might prove invaluable as a point of practice well worth sharing. This text is from The Blue Cliff Record, Case 66, "Ganto Laughed Loudly." This glimpse appeared in the most recent edition of the Newsletter for the Zen Studies Society, Winter/Spring 2010.

"Our this last full day of Summer Sesshin, we almost had teisho a half-hour early. Genko sent the inji [attendant] upstairs with the unenviable task of telling the Abbot that he was a half-hour early [laughter]...

We all make mistakes and are, from time to time, distracted. Ideally we should be humbled, rather than humiliated by such a revelation. When we feel humiliation, it is nearly always left over from some childhood trauma that is stimulated by our current circumstances, most often some sort of error on our part. The extent that we feel humiliated is probably directly proportional to how much baggage we're carrying from our own troubled childhood. Alternatively, to the extent that we feel humbled by an error and say, "Oh, that's right," then this is probably a good measure of how well we have processed or digested our childhood traumas. The Inji said, "Do you intend to have teisho early?" And I said, "No, there's no need to have teisho early." That's it. No more need be said.

We think that, in the process of so-called mastery, we're going to become someone we're not, or that we'll realize something that will change us. We may believe that we will in some permanent way transcend our monkey mind, get forever past prsonal history, or never make a mistake again. And, of course, all this is impossible! We'll never be without our childhood, our monkey mind, or what we call our bumpkin nature.

What our Zen practice does do for us is help us realize that we are so much more than our bumpkin nature. In the readiness of time, we begin to come to terms with the vastness of our True nature..."

So precise, so direct, so beautiful. I am ever grateful to Genjo Osho. I have a lot of appreciation and gratitude that such a point can be so well articulated and shared. It connects deeply with my heart-mind. It begs to be studied and examined closely, to see what's inside the boxes that we've constructed with our mind. I genuinely hope that you benefit from this teaching. Coming to the truth of ourselves, is an amazing gift to receive.

May Your Life Go Well,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Just The Beginning

Genjo Marinello Osho gave this Teisho recently at the November half day retreat at Chobozenji in Seattle, from the Gatleless Barrier entitled "Gutei Raises A Finger," Case number 3.

Talking of his pending trip to Dai Bosatsu Zendo for Roshatsu Sesshin he says, "...Give over completely to this process of unfolding and awakening... of opening the heart and realizing the One. One as represented by Gutei's finger is not the beginning of things however. The One is the manifestation of everything, in all Its myriad forms. Every corner, every spec of dust, every grain of sand, every drop of dew, every leaf is shouting at us about the wonder, mystery, brightness and brilliance of it all. But mostly we fail to see.

Perhaps the reason that we fail to miss the One in its myriad forms so brightly shining at us, that our heart isn't constantly open is that we're still or perpetually attached to self. And what do we do about this attachment that comes with the territory of being a corporeal being and is motivated by our instincts for survival, to have enough and get ahead?

Zen Master Dogen said 'To study the Way is to study the self. And to study the self is to forget the self.' To get past our ever recurring clinging attachment to a sense of a separated self-hood. It's not easy, because again we are born with these instincts for survival. It's not easy, even once in this lifetime to get past it... to breakthrough to the wonder of This all around us.

But even if we've been so fortunate to have encountered Zen or some other skillful means, to penetrate past our sense of self. And even if we've had a great revelation and a breakthrough or opening, having come to a great peace of mind and an open loving heart... that in Zen circles is considered just the beginning."

And this too, is just the beginning or Genjo Osho's teisho. Given that my teachers words are seamless and they cannot be improved upon by me, I strongly encourage you to listen and digest it whether you feel like your heart is boundless or not.

If you'd like to give yourself the opportunity listen more deeply to Genjo Osho's teisho, you can listen for free to the Choboji Podcast, either listening to it within your web-browser, downloading it, from the website or get it through iTunes. This is a True gift of Dharma.

Forever True Dharma Continue,

Seiho, Curator
digitalZENDO

Kensho

Yesterday, I made a comment regarding "Kensho," (a moment of awakening or ceasing to be deluded) to some friends. It was something that I've felt but never stated before, feeling it might be bad form. It's almost been turned into a dirty word, despite Gotama's unyielding encouragement to cease being deluded and come to Awakening, even moments before his death. But after mulling it over, I thought I should discuss it here on digitalZENDO too. Avoiding talking about Kensho, does not make us virtuous or spiritual. Maybe it's the contrary, it perhaps avoiding a direct conversation that could be valuable.

What I shared with them yesterday was, "The true concern (regarding Zen in America) could be directed towards the quality of the message transmitted. A great example is that in Japan, there are many Buddhist, but on a certain scale, it's a kind of "family," business. It's lost the initial freshness, in certain quarters, it's a little stale. My own teacher, Genjo Marinello Osho doesn't guide me towards "Maybe," kensho or to be a priestly businessman. It's a unswerving and progressive effort towards "full awakening," at the same time, learning to be helpful as possible to others, without thought to how I might personally benefit. Anything aiming for less than that target is settling. I recall the story of one of Bodhidharma's students that wanted Kensho so badly, he was willing to cut off his own arm, to study with him. We on the other hand have trouble sitting consistently because Zazen might get in the way of watching "Survivor, The Swan," or "Top Chef." Too funny. Our efforts can be more than a little weak."

Going a little further, in training not just with Genjo Osho, but Eido Shimano Roshi too, they have never suggested or offered me a surrender or capitulation for something less that "Dai Kensho," (Great Awakening). It was never like they said, "Okay... that's enough, You can relax now. Maybe next time... Maybe in the next life, perhaps You'll get It then. Just settle for being a little happier... perhaps be a little nicer person. Be good to Your Wife and Kids. Be a nice guy."

What I have heard from Genjo Osho has been quite the reverse. "Good one, but not quite there Yet... ring, ring, ring. Go straight ahead... ring, ring, ring. Not yet complete, come back again another time... ring, ring, ring. I can understand that... ring, ring, ring. Hmmmmmm... ring, ring, ring. What are You waiting for?... ring, ring, ring. Who are You expecting to show up?... ring, ring, ring. Give It Your all, hold nothing back... ring, ring, ring. Turn It this way... ring, ring, ring. Do not waste the sacrifices others have made for You to be Here... ring, ring, ring." We have laughed and cried together, but He's never said, "Okay... enough... stop!"

Why did We come to Buddhism? If You're thinking "I'm not really sure, I have my doubts about enlightenment. I felt like I couldn't live up to the rules of other religions and was always going to be a sinner/failure. I basically felt doomed to failure-given that humans always seem to fail. Buddhism gives me a sliver of hope that I could possibly do something good for myself and I just might somehow succeed. That line of thinking is okay, but know it's okay to let it go too. You won't sink.

Years ago, my family and I went to Disneyland. It took a lot of time, effort and saving to get there, but we suceeded, so that we could "do It right." Once there, it was so amazing and beautiful, not even I could beleive how good the experience was. At one point, my daughter was afraid to go on some of the rides or thought some of the lines were too long. I asked here, "You came all this way, why are You here?" She replied back, to "to play and have fun." And so she did and remembers it as one of the high points of her life, because she held nothing back.

Our Buddha nature is exactly the same as Gotama's Buddha Nature. I used to spend a lot of time doubting that. With deep gratitude to my teachers, Genjo Osho and for that Eido Roshi, I don't any more. The neat thing, I've constantly learning and deepening my feeling and relationship with Buddha Nature. My growth is far from over, and still we can see so much. Beginningless beginning, Endless end. That's the best that I can say, for now.

May All Beings Be Free,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Not Giving Up

It's easy to say, "Don't give up on yourself or others," but much harder to do. Part of what makes it hard is when I focus more on what's going on around me than within me. All sort of defense mechanisms like externalizing (blaming), rationalizing (excuse making), regression (back sliding after a period of progress), can be used when we want to justify or desire to give up or run away.

Compounding matters can be other factors as well. There can be issues surrounding having experienced a difficult life, the one that we didn't have that we thought we were supposed to. There can be issues of low self-esteem, forcing us to sometimes feeling awkward and out of place. There are many, many, many matters to compound and confound us that we are left, not wanting to live, but just survive the day, hoping that somehow things will be better tomorrow. There are so many things to distract, so few to unify.

The truth is that our life circumstances doesn't get better on it's own. We have to take actions that can bring or restore our mind and our life to a place that helps us weather our personal storms, so that we can live forward and not stay stuck in our personal tar-pits. For me it means building a foundation based on the eternal principles within Zen Buddhism.

The eternal principles that I am taught by my teacher, Genjo Marinello Osho are so simple. Regularly he may say "Pay attention to your life. Sit some more, Combust yourself, Practice Open-heartedly, Practice with your vows, Harmonize with your circumstances - even when You don't feel Your best." His guidance is always, "Just straight ahead." There is no complication in this other than the ones that I might choose to make or give into.

To me so-called "Real" Zen encompasses, Mindfulness, determination with a focus on kindness, compassion and a gentle hearted way with All sentient beings... that includes me. When I am living within those principles, it's much easier to live, not just survive. When I am living within the principles expressed here, there is no giving up on myself or other. There are thousand arms and hands that can help to lift us from suffering and be truly awakened. The key for me it would seem is in giving myself to This Way, and not giving up.

Love All - Serve All - Every Day,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Gay-Lesbian Segregation

Though it hasn't been put forward as such, there has been a lot of "Gay-Lesbian Segregationist," thought, attitudes and behavior being pushed in the media, as of late. In fact it might even border on a kind of "Apartheid." The reason that I say this is because, by it's very definition this appears to be the experience of those who are Gay-Lesbian.

In American life we are very hung up on the so-called "Gay-Lesbian," issue. I see in the press or news that Gay-Lesbian people are not fit for marriage. They are not fit to raise their own children. They are not fit to educate kids (or adults for that matter). They are not fit employee's. They are not fit to sit on the Supreme court. In fact, they are not fit to be in any aspect of American life. The net result is that intellectual and physical board fences are place around those who are openly Gay-Lesbian. Further more, as Barack Obama is fond of using the phrase, "Too often do people resort to characterures."

Though I generally like Barack Obama and have been a supporter, like Rachel Maddow, I'm very disappointed in his foot dragging (e.g. don't ask, don't tell). He is procrastinating and delaying a wrong that needs to be righted, plain and simple.

You might ask, how does the problem of "Gay-Lesbian Segregation," fit in with a Zen Buddhist blog and I'd say good question. Here's the answer, Zen by It's very nature means, "Unification." That word implies togetherness, wholeness, no gaps, no separation and certainly no segregation. When you eliminate people simply based on whether or not they are Gay-Lesbian, we cut our nose off to spite our face.

In both World and American history, we are working-through various types of segregation, especially pertaining to race. Think of the stereotypes that persist about Black people, those who are Chinese, Native-American Indians, Japanese, India or Irish, Women, Jewish persons. At one time or another these entities had to deal with the walls of Segregation, but when we as a society stepped back from it, we became stronger through it's naturally unifying aspect.

A long time ago, when I was struggling with the death of my father, a friend told me, "There's a time when you have to put the B.S. down." Psychologically, it seems to me that this is one of those moments where we could do ourselves a little justice, grow up and do the right thing. We need to stop interfering with the life path of those who are Gay-Lesbian and stop trying to shame them. It's not right and they are who they are. They are 100% a-okay. They are not flawed people. They deserve equality and freedom that we cherish for ourselves. To negate Gay-Lesbian's is to negate ourselves.

I intellectually and emotionally know that Gay-Lesbian Segregation is wrong. It is a practice that is not worthy of us as either individuals or as a Nation. We can only benefit from releasing ourselves from a notion that comes with so many limitations.

May Your Life Go Well,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Shobogenzo and a Little More

I came across a website called, "Numata Center for Buddhist Translation and Research." To my amazement, they offer the PDF downloadable version of the complete Shobogenzo, written by Dogen Zenji. It's widely considered to be one of the greatest literary works in Japanese history. And to top it off, the four volumes are FREE. I paid $100.00 for the paperback versions, several years ago. It's very kind that they are offering it this way.

This translation is the one by Gudo Nishijima and Chodo Cross. It's well done and digestible. In addition, they also have translations of "The Platform Sutra," as well as the "Vimalakirti Sutra." Check it out and enjoy. You can't go wrong on this one.

Oh and I last thing. I'm can't remember if I menioned it, but there is another FREE translation of Dogen Zenji's Shobogenzo over at Shasta Abbey. That one is complete and nice too. To download the "complete" book, click the very first link in the sentence. It may not be obvious to you at first. The links further down are to single sections and chapters.

In Gassho,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Sharing a Practice with Thich Nhat Hanh

This is a video of Thich Nhat Hanh at the "President's Forum," presented on FORA.TV. Though it's total run time is an a little more than at hour, if you just watched the first 10 minutes, you would have everything that you need.

In the video, Thich Nhat Hanh does go into area's like, "Living in the Moment, Suffering, Confrontering Fear, among other things. If you make the time, you will probably get something out of it and that's all that matters.

I found it to be very inspiring. You can either watch the full video or just click on the sections you are interested in. I really liked, the "Opening Prayer," which was really a meditation and "Living in the Moment."


Gassho,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Choboji - Spring Sesshin

I'm back from "Dai Ban Zan Cho Bo Ji" (trans. Great Plum Mountain, Listening to the Dharma Zen Temple), where I attended Spring Sesshin (trans. to gather the mind). Given that this is my first post since I'm back, I thought that I would share a few reflections of my experience.

Generosity and compassion are the words I would use to describe the week long experience. The Sangha (Community of Buddhist practitioners) where always helpful, showed great respect and immense kindness which came through in a lot of different ways. A great example is if someone was hurting from the physical strain from sitting, a chair would almost magically (and mercifully appear). If you where helping in meal clean up and couldn't get downstairs to grab a cup of tea, someone would as, "can I bring you something... coffee or tea?" You just felt like you where at home, with a very kind and attentive family. Even if I made some error or were unmindful, someone would just point it out, so that I knew it happened, but oddly I felt no judgment, and because of this never felt embarrassed or outside the group of people there. If I put it another way, I'd have to say healthy, mature, no game playing or psychobabble.

The overall flow was pretty much like a good watch. This was really important, cause you always knew how long the sits would be, then a brief intermission or scheduled Kinhin (Walking meditation). The structure was comforting in it's own way. It actually helped to let go of those type of concerns and just concentrate on the practice of Zazen (Trans. To sit in unification) itself. Even Dokusan (Private interview with Genjo Marinello Osho) was orderly. Since it's usually first come first serve, the persons facilitating it made sure no one who wanted to go was missed or people "cut" in line. That may seem like an odd thing to mention, but it helps to underline the point that I felt somehow safe.

Teisho was given daily by Genjo Marinello Osho or a Dharma-talk by Genko Blackman Ni-Osho. I'd have to say, this was a personal high point for me daily, because when my concentration was off, the Teisho or Dharma-talk was like a train-rail that guided my mind back to its focus. There's no real way to fully do justice to these moments, because there were impactful on so many different levels.

As a part of the day-to-day practice, I have to mention two very helpful elements. One is Samu (Mindful work practice). I had the opportunity to work with some other participants in a street beautification project which Choboji supports. Working with plants and really taking care of the area in city-scape of Seattle felt really special. What I found a little odd, is that as people passed by, they would say to me, "thanks for doing that." Other people driving down the street, would give a thumbs up. Though I didn't know these people one on level, I did know them on another and they where appreciating what we where doing. Maybe it's just because someone took the time to make the effort.

The second opportunity that I found very powerful in its own way was working with the Tenzo (kind of the chef for Sesshin). On two occasions, I had the opportunity to learn how to prepare healthy (and delicious) vegetarian meals. Doing something for people who have been doing so much for me throughout Sesshin was really nice. But the Tenzo pointed out how the state of mind when cooking is important to the quality of the food itself. The other nice thing is I had no real idea how to cook this way on a daily basis. In those two short experiences, he was able to show me a lot of simple elements to employ which I found really fun and doable. Like I said, they weren't holding anything back.

And last but not least, I feel humbled by the opportunity to take Jukai from Genjo Osho and become a member of the Choboji Sangha. I find it difficult to express the depth of what this means to me to move in this direction on the path of Zen (Unification). This especially true for people which I respect, not because I think of feel that they are somehow so-called special, but rather because they are so down-to-earth and extra-ordinary. There is a certain simplicity and elegance to that. Nothing is out of place.

Given that I'm just back, I'm still digesting the experience and I imagine this will be so for some time. I place to resume writing Monday through Friday. I hope that you find it useful in some small way.

Gassho,

Jaye Seiho Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

One Act of Selflessness

I ran into a friend on Tuesday evening. When I saw them that said, "Do you remember _______? Well, she had adopted a special needs child. The child had a lot of medical issues. Very sad to say, she died in __________'s arms last week. I thought you should know, because You guys where good friends."

A day later in my email inbox, a link appeared to the obituary. As I read about the young ladies life, I smiled. In reading it, she really made use of her short 17 year life and it was clearly obvious that she had genuinely touched many people's lives. I was also smiling because my friend was there to love, care, nurture and support this beautiful child, when others picked a different path for themselves. Adopting the child was a truly selfless act. In fact within my mind, only a True Bodhisattva is capable of such an act.

Reflecting more deeply in Zazen, I was able to notice a seamless quality to __________'s act of compassion. Her sticking with the young lady, though the easy times and the difficult moments and no matter what happening, not giving up, doing everything that she and her own family could do. So selfless, so beautiful and all for the sake of This child and no other reason. There is no inside or outside to It. In fact, for her to love This child, there was not even a possibility of there being some so-called "other choice." And then look even further still, I felt that we all have this same "Capacity," and yet for whatever reasons, lets be honest, we don't always decide to use or apply our [vast] Buddha Nature.

On my "Bucket List," I still have not been able to cross off, "One perfect act of selflessness." Perhaps all of this Zen training is preparing me for That moment. One could only hope. I sense it out there... maybe better said, "in there" waiting. I just feel deeply fortunate that I have gifted friends such as _________, to light This path.



Namu Dai Bosa
Namu Dai Bosa
Namu Dai Bosa
Namu Dai Bosa
Namu Dai Bosa


Namaste'

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

In Memorium | Venerable Master Sheng Yen

I received word this morning from Bob Allison, that his teacher Master Sheng Yen has released his body. You can view the memorial page here at the Dharma Drum website.

I find the words which head the page, "The universe may one day perish, yet my vows are eternal," incredibly moving. May we all reflect This Dharma.

Head to Floor... Bowing Nine Times,

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

The Secret of Christmas

I was talking with a friend who I hadn't spoken too for some time. I made a point of showing up on their door step, as I have noticed that they had been avoiding me. When they saw me, they said, "I heard that you where really disappointed and upset with me, so that's why I've been avoiding you." I asked the person, "did you ask me?" They replied "no." I then asked, "So you based your entire response on what someone else was saying to you and not your experience?" They said, "Wow, I guess when you put it that way, yes. I didn't think it through."

I took the time to explain to the person where I was at with a particular situation, which as it turned out had nothing to do with them. At the end of 5 minutes, it seemed that they clearly understood, the situation was not on them and they where prepared to move on and forward. The encounter ended with a handshake and a smile.

To me, that's Christmas. A moment and a time when there is no barrier. It's a moment in time where people can look beyond the immediate space and enter something that is open, vast and clear. All we have to do is put aside our divided and distorted mind. That's it. Just lay down our burden and breath. When we can do that, the Spirit of Christmas becomes the entire world and it's a beautiful feeling. As Thich Nhat Hanh says, "You cannot by that in a supermarket."

Tomorrow morning, we may open one hundred presents. We make only have two that we open. We may have none to open. But no matter what, that is not Christmas. That is only a reflection and a symptom of Christmas. The True secret of the Season is that Christmas [or Hanukkah] is You. It cannot be otherwise. And the Experience of that gift is what I received from Choboji Mountain, over the past year. I am so deeply grateful for that, I cannot be verbalized.

So as you go out and attempt to finish up today, you may feel a little down, becuase you did not acquire the so-called "perfect gift." Don't concern yourself. You could and should be very happy in knowing that you are the radiance and beauty that is This holiday season. It's a fact and cannot be otherwise.

Gassho,

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Thirteen Years

Today, Debra and I have been married for thirteen years. She gave me a card with a very beautiful poem on it. It reads...

"Nobody knows our journey-
  where we've been
    or where we're going.

Nobody knows what we know
  About coming together,
    working it through,
      believing in love.

Nobody knows what we know
  about thundering storms,
    peaceful skies,
      and soothing each other's souls.

Nobody knows,
  the beautiful heights,
    of our journey.

But we do,
  We do,
    And I love every step,
      of this journey with you.

Happy Anniversary."

It is very well said. And I can more than live with that kind of radiance of being.

Namaste'

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

That We All Matter

Wayne Dyer PhD. Reads what has come to be know as the "Shaya Story." It's a clear reflection of compassion and reminder of what it means to be a human being as opposed to a human doing.



Namaste'

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Don't Give Up

There are times when calmness does not come naturally for me. And because it doesn't feel natural and perhaps even awkward, I have to work harder than usual to get to a place where I feel reasonably "okay."

This morning, sitting down for Zazen, my mind erupted when some events that I didn't notice I was still carrying from yesterday bubbled up to the surface. My head became like a dark cloud and it was difficult for me to get traction. I looked at my watch and only 6 minutes had passed and I thought about just getting up and trying again this evening.

In that instance something spoke to me and said, "Don't give up." Maybe it was just me. Maybe it was my Family. Maybe it was my teacher, Genjo Marinello Osho. Maybe it was the Sangha or something else. What ever it was, it was very clear and there was a momentary break in the clouds. I remained on my Zafu, gaining a toe hold.

When I completed morning zazen (35 minutes), I could still see he clouds within my mind, only now they where at a distance and I could gaze at them. I felt a little less burdened and feel as though I have some wiggle room to move emotionally. The key however is not to give up and hold on to fortitude (the spiritual strength for the endurance of hardships), in this moment and within this very breath.

It is worth me remembering, that though, wind, rain and cloud may come, nowhere does the sun fail to shine in this great universe. Those are not just words. That is the reflection of something which is really true. I hope I can hang on to that.

Namaste'

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Congratulations!

Congratulations to our very dear friends, Carla and Sean on their newborn daughter who came into the world today. Very wonderful and special moment indeed!

Namaste',

Jaye Morris & Family, Curator
digitalZENDO

I Will Be There For You

Last night, I was talking with my sister, spending time on the phone. I've been doing a lot of that with her lately. On Monday, she had surgery preparing the way for her pending start of dialysis. This has been a new issue among other serious medical issues she has been struggling with. It has been an emotional and vexing time. All of my life June has been a rock. Steady, clear, supportive and what I call, "the best version of ourselves." Yet something has begun to slightly modify and here is where things can get a little tough for our family.

In Buddhism, we talk about so-called "sickness, old age and death." When we are young, all that it looks and sound more like a theoretical rather than an actual. Now that we are at a certain point, things seem to have clarified and we have found out what is really important. It's certainly not the triviality of our lives.

During a particular conversation, June said "With all of these hospitalizations and feeling bad all the time, it really makes you think." When she said it, I knew what she meant. What has my life meant? What will happen to me? What have I left behind? It's the doubts.

My response to her is, "I will be here for You. I will remind you about what you've known all of your life." She asked, "what's that?" "That this whole world is shining and beautiful. So if your going to start feeling sorry for yourself, as your little brother I will have to kick your ass into shape and constantly remind you of that." She laughed saying, "That's why I call you about things like this. You have become my rock." That one hit the heart and tears of appreciation fell from both of us. No gaps and no distance.

Namaste',

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

My Excellent Choboji Adventure

Last week I attended Autumn Sesshin at Dai Bai Zan (Great Plum Mountain) Cho Bo Zenji (Listening To The Dharma Temple). It was a terrific way to close out my summer and enter a new season of change. I wanted to take the time to share some of my thoughts and feelings about my experience while there.

I'm Not With Stupid

The first thing I noticed about Choboji is not so much the temple itself, but rather the Sangha (Community of Members) that makes it up. I've been to quite a few Zen/Meditation centers and Buddhist Temples. I have to say what was very noticeable was the "warmth," of its members. No one was pretentious or "holier than thou." Everyone was respectful, direct, firm and kind. The reason why I mention this is that I've been to some temples and centers that the people seemed distant, aloof, abrupt and rude, which influenced me to feel like something "intruding," in on "their" space. You have no sense of this whatsoever at Choboji.

Each person that I encountered was incredibly supportive and helpful in their own way. Their actions influenced me to feel a deep sense of trust and comfort that only served to enhance the practice there. This might be odd to say, yet it's extremely important, because I was entrusting my sense of being and sharing our spiritual life with each other.

It was clear and obvious, that each member was a pillar of Choboji, evenly supporting the temple and each other. I and others there for the first time where invited to help out in various ways like the practice of Zazen itself and Samu (work practice). Because of this, I felt like one of the family.

Running A Marathon

Choboji itself is an amazingly beautiful place. The space works well in all aspects. It's a heck of a place to run a spiritual marathon of unswerving Zen practice. Attention to detail and mindfulness is present everywhere. Looking back over my shoulder and reflecting on my experience, it's interesting to experience how well thought-out and organized everything is there. This is a *real* hallmark of maturity in a temple. My mind was able to reflexively relax. Nothing was out of place. The physical structure and environment over the entire campus was as supportive to me as the Sangha members.

In running this marathon you have to start early. That means being in the Zendo by 5:00am, to get things going. The activites are well mapped out. It's authentic Zen in training, top to bottom - in sound, voice, sitting and tone.

What was really nice is that dokusan (private interview with the teacher (Abbot) was offered twice daily. Teisho (place where the truth is) was also offered daily (more on that later). The Zazen (seated meditation) itself ranged in terms of time frame, but was completely doable. As mentioned before, we did about an hour and a half of work practice. What is really great is the relationship Choboji has with other organizations in Seattle. We got to work at an very spacious Japanese Garden. This proved to be an excellent environment for meditative practice was well. I also got to see first hand how a Koi could leap out of the water and become a dragon. If you get to see them, you will understand.

Food for Thought

I have to make a special note to you about diet at Choboji. Food is fuel and helps to sustain our practice. This is especially when you are running a marathon. To sum up the overall meals which there is simple. They rocked the house. The "Tenzo" and "Assistant-Tenzo," did an amazing job. I've had terrible experiences in the past with people who did not know how to prepare vegetarian meals well and tend to be careful. The food at Choboji really was "flawless victory."

Ed and Dee where really incredible. There was an amazing variety to the meals and yet consistently solid. The only thing that troubled me was that I wish they had a cookbook or something, so that I could continue on that aspect of the path when I came home. Perhaps only parents can appreciate the point when I say, If my kids had been there, they would have happily eaten the meals (and my girls are tough as ninja's when it comes to food).

Clear Quiet Clean

I want to preface this final part with some very down to earth talk. I've practiced Zen seriously for almost 18 years. I have read well over 150-200 books on Buddhism and spirituality and have been to a good number or Meditation centers and temples. I have also interfaced with or heard a fair number of teachers. The reason that I mention this is to say, if it's possible, I have a pretty wide frame of reference to draw upon.

My experience with Genjo Marinello Osho is easy to express. He is the condensed version of everything that is Choboji. Authentic, warm, articulate, direct, intimate, down-to-earth, anti-muddy intellectually-mentally and spiritually. His teisho's terrific. You can hear the podcasts (for free), but to see them live is a new level to the experience. They are definitely something to see. His communication skills are extraordinary.

Genjo Osho's attention to detail was nothing sort of staggering. His guidance during practice was not somewhere up in the ether or clouds, aloof and abstract, but deeply embedded and grounded. I always had the feeling that he was speaking directly into my heart and not around or over my head. On several occasions he offered direct correction and help to my siting posture. Like I said, in sesshin you are running a marathon. It's important to pace yourself correctly and have good posture and habits so you can complete the run. I really found that helpful.

I cannot conclude this article without mentioning The Vice-abbot, Genko Osho. She is a wonderful treasure in and of herself. I was able to experience a teisho with her that I found heartening and encouraging. She radiates a strength and dignity that is beautiful and disarming. Of special note, she preformed a Japanese Tea ceremony for the participants midway though the sesshin that definitely hit the mark with me.

Conclusion

During a teisho early in the Sesshin, Genjo Osho made a statement, that really penetrated my heart. He said, "Do not let this sacrifice, [that it took to come here to this Sesshin] go to waste." There was not just giving a week of my time to go practice. It's also the sacrifice of those who I trained with. There is the sacrifice that their significant others and/or families made. There is the sacrifice that Debra and my children made, to go an entire week, with me not being physically present. I am intensely grateful for that. And I can only fully express that gratitude properly, be how I live This life.

Gassho,

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

Fatherhood Koan

I have two daughters that I love very much. It's through that love for them that I find myself struggling with a single question that has become something of a "Koan," (Japanese. Place where the truth is). "Was that the right decision?"

As a parent the decisions and choices that we make frequently have unintended consequences that are not always obvious at first. A great example is my thirteen year old. She wanted to wear fingernail polish. Her mother sent her to me, to get final approval. I don't know what I was exactly thinking at the time or how I visualized it, but I said "yes." After all, what harm could a little fingernail polish do?

She and her mom trotted off to the store and that was that. But later when I saw her with the fingernail polish on, I realized that somehow it made her seem older. Later when we went to the mall, I noticed a guy who was obviously older checking my daughter. That's when I got that same terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, from the koan Mu. You feel like you can't go backwards and you cannot go forwards and now you are in the psychological vise-grip trying to figure out how to properly respond to the situation. I felt like I shouldn't have said yes to the fingernail polish. It was only then that the feeling and thought fully clarified in my head about how badly wanted my kid to be a kid. There's plenty of time to be a grown up later. We only have one childhood and should enjoy it as much as possible, without all the outside pressure of image and feeling like you have to look like Paris Hilton.

The next part of this "fingernail polish that could do no harm," episode came when I went back to my daughter and asked her what it meant to her. Her response took me back a little bit. She said, "wearing it makes me feel better about myself." My mind was spinning at that point. My Buddhist Mind was saying, "Self-esteem and happiness comes from oneself, not things that are on the outside." But here's where that tricky "koan," part comes in. If that's true, why was I so worried about potentially hurting her feelings or putting her on the defensive. Pretty good trap, huh? Can't go forwards, can't go backwards. A red hot iron ball in your throat and your stuck.

And that's when I got angry with myself and them. It was because I didn't know how to respond. I felt incompetent and foolish. I was thinking, if what I thought was a little situation can influence me to feel like this, what about the bigger issues? All the stuff that I know intellectually was useless. And when all that so-called "logic," is taken away, what will you do then at that moment? Genjo Osho once asked during a teisho "How many zero's go into one? The calculator says error. What do you do then?"

My current answer is simple. Do my very best in each moment. Be the best parent I can be and know that there are going to be moments and times, whether I like it or not that I will fall short of where I'd like to be, but understand that it's my responsibility to make "Right-effort." Make every effort to look for the best, rather than the worst. Be aware of and clear on my motivation. Do everything that I can to embrace my Buddhist vows. Be prepared to change my mind about some things, because nothing is certain.

Namaste'

Jaye Morris, Curator
digitalZENDO

To Write Love on Her Arms

There is a really nice video piece that MSNBC did on Renee Yohe the Social Movement, "To Write Love on Her Arms," who focus is helping people struggling with issues such as "cutting," and "drug addiction," and the barriers that can get in the way of people getting treatment. It's work the look.

Namaste'

Jaye